a rant...

I hate life so much right now. I went to a psychiatrist recently (last week) and started on Celexa, I go back to her Wednesday but she is only really watching me for a month because of the distance and her time in the office and my thoughts/behaviors she said I have to transfer to someone closer to home which I'm okay with because I don't like her. I still see my same therapist and the whole situation made me realize just how much I am glad I have him to talk to. I've hardly been eating and I just feel off. I've felt really ****** for the last 3-4 weeks before even starting the medication. I make it to work(both jobs) and I'm okay-ish there because I am distracted but any down times I get flooded with feelings. My feelings at this point though are seemingly out of my control... I just can't process anything to be of any use. I hate being told oh you have so many good things going for you or anything that is like wow your feelings don't seem valid at all. I hurt and I have an impossible time letting anyone into my feelings. I want to but the mere thought sends me into panic. I'm doing my best and at times people see that and at times they get frustrated with me and can't stand me. I'm not sure why I put everyone else through trying to help me.

I am not into words tonight but I can say that I know how you feel. I wish you luck and a better new year.

Celexa can take awhile for the body to adjust to. I couldn't process anything either for the first two weeks I was on it. Thinking was akin to threading a needle with a belt--no way was this ever going to work. After a month it finally began working as advertized.

You're lucky to have a therapist you connect with. Keep working at that. you're not "putting them through" something ... They've signed on. Let then do their thing. That's their gig.

ilisten, I understand what you're going through. I went on Celexa 2 years ago, and at first it was awful for me. The first week or so, I felt so much worse and completely disconnected. My brain felt like it was swimming around inside my head. BUT, it did get better after that. It took a few weeks for me to start feeling the positive effects on my mood and energy, and probably almost 2 months to take full effect. Hang in there to see if some of the side effects will ease. If they don't, let your doctor know.

When I first started therapy, I had a really hard time talking about my emotions too. I was afraid of what people would say, or that talking about them would make me have to feel them more. What ended up helping me was just spending a great deal of time talking to my therapist about my issues with sharing my feelings. With time, and I'm talking weeks and weeks here, I found that I would end up giving little hints about some of the emotions swirling around in my head as I tried to explain to her why I didn't want to talk about it. That initial part of my therapy actually built up trust with my therapist that eventually allowed me to be open and honest with her, and myself.

No matter what, just know that we are all here for you if you want/need to rant about anything you're feeling. No judgement, just support.

Good luck.