[Shadow-world]

I'm feeling very sad right now. In general, things have been going better since the beginning of the year especially and I have started the long process of recovery.
It's just such hard work and I don't know whether I can heal what I believe needs to be healed. The triggers are still so strong. Earlier on at work my colleague just flippantly mentioned the menopause when I felt very warm and I cried on and off for the rest of the afternoon and feel fragile this evening.
I'm still having such great difficulties accepting my childless and single state and the fact that the former will be permanent unless I can afford to adopt a child at some point.
I'm trying to concentrate on the here and now, but even if I don't dwell on it, these triggers (e.g. another friend who is pregnant or has given birth...) bring it back all the more strongly and violent, intense emotions just suddenly erupt.

I'm seeing my therapist tomorrow. I really need to get a grip on this if I don't want to slide all the way back down. I'm just not sure how.
There seems to be so much grief in me - grief mainly for an absence - something that I don't have, haven't had and won't have.
I'm just so so sad. Almost every time I've gone downhill, it's been about something related to the issues above.

I could do with a hug.

Thanks for listening.

[TerryL]

Hi Shadow-world-- I am also childless and single and going through menopause. I don't have the same yearning to have a child like you do but I can certainly understand how you feel. No one wants to end up old and alone. I certainly hope we don't. I wish I had more to say that could help. Just wanted to say you are not alone. PM me anytime. ((((((Hugs)))))

[Trippin2.0]

My heart goes out to you. I hope you find healing and solace soon

[Shadow-world]

Thank you so much for your kind replies and the hugs. They mean a lot to me, especially tonight. I will keep on working towards being well and just focusing on the positives. Maybe I find some ways to manage my triggers better.

Hugs to you as well, TerryL and Trippin2.0! Do take care of yourselves, too!

[Rohag]

((((((( Shadow-world! )))))))
((((((( TerryL! )))))))
((((((( All who fear loneliness! )))))))

May time bring you fulfillment in ways you cannot now imagine.

[dazeofdolphins]

You deserve all the hugs the world has to offer. Please do try to be patient with yourself. At one point in my life I felt very similar but then, long story short, I did get married and have a kid. You are in therapy - that's brave and fantastic. Yes, you could get creative with becoming a mom- it is available. Try not to rush, my friend. Give therapy time to work and overcome some of your issues. You may surprise yourself and life may look completely different in 6 months. Use this site to reach out and PM if you need a friend.
dazeofdolphins

P.S.- where in England are you from? My best friends live in West Chiltington in West Sussex. I love England!!!

[feary]

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

NEVER SAY NEVER.

etc...

I wish you all the best