[therealme]

im going to say sorry now if i start to rant, but i feel i must write down in words what is going on here at the moment,
about 10 days ago my son decided to go into a shop a pinch some chocolate, he was caught and fined £80, my son is 20years old but has ADHD and doesnt think before he does things.
while he was in the police station his girl friend decided to make a statement about how my son is violent towards her. so when son was released on the thieft charge, his girl friend went off with a police officer to make a statement. the police officer told us to look after son untill his girl friend had done this.
about 2 hours later my son was getting worried , so i went with him to the police station to see if his girl friend had finished so son could go home.(as he lives with his girl friend)
we gont there and a police woman came and took us into a room, where his girl friend was sitting, in this meeting her story changed twice and the police woman suggested they should break up for both of there safety, which they both agreed . but the moment they got outside they both said were not breaking up.
this had been a waste of everyones time and they went home together.

all was quiet for about 2 days and then we had a text message saying son had kicked off again and that his girl friend was scared , we rang son and he was sounding very angry , saying his girl friend was cheating on him with one of her friends, and that she had told him she had feelings for this friend.
my son was arrested and taken to a police station about 20 miles away.
the following day we went over to get him out of the police station., the police charged him with criminal damage as he had stabbed a wall with a knife. they advised him to break up with girl friend, which he said he would. we took him home to our place, all the way home his girl friend was texting us saying she loved him and wanted him to go back to her, he was at our place for about 10 minutes and he ran back to her.

then today we were out at a friends house and we got a text saying son had to give a statement to the police for the things he does at night !! so we raced to son to find out what was going on, picking son and his girl friend up , son was very worried and was close to crying, we got to the police station and the woman who came out to see us said she couldnt take his statement today and she would ring him next week sometime. his girl friend had told the police woman that son was living home with us, so we put them right on that one.
his girl friend had told the police that son would try to have sex with her while she was sleeping. this is a serious thing to say.
its not the first time she has said such things on other boy friends and even her father.

here is the rant.... i know my son is a pain in the ***, he doesnt think before he does things im not making excuses for him , he has ADHD and i know that isnt a excuse either. but his girl friend is a gamer !! but the game piece is my son. she pushes my sons buttons.
at the moment im feeling sick because i know she has done this before and i dont think my son is strong enough to deal with her shite.
thank you for letting me rant

Oh, Dec... I 'hear' the desperation, anger and worry in your words. ADHD can be such a complexed thing to deal with on its own without having to manage a girlfriend 'playing' like this. Does your son have any support from a counselor, therapist or someone similar, who could be of assistance to guide your son regarding this?
I know you and Kathy always do everything possible for all your children. If you would like to talk... pm me... you know my son has Asperger's and ADHD.

((((((((( Dec & all )))))))))

[Perna]

Originally Posted by therealme

here is the rant.... i know my son is a pain in the ***, he doesnt think before he does things im not making excuses for him , he has ADHD and i know that isnt a excuse either. but his girl friend is a gamer !! but the game piece is my son. she pushes my sons buttons.

And your son sticks around, knowing you will step in and bail him out. Quit doing that; let him make his own decisions (and stick to them or don't). If he's living with a girl, he and the girl have to work out their differences and he has to figure out how to cope with living with someone. When he gets married, you going to be running down to bail him out then? How is he supposed to learn from his mistakes or to think before he acts?

[MARGURITTE]

Dec, it has been a long time. This is Altheia... I am so sorry about what is going on with your son. May light be shinning through your window. May you have peace and guidance. I hear about you and Kathryn from our good friend.
Peace and Blessings!

[MARGURITTE]

Hello Perna, being a parent is often difficult at times it feels impossible. Please do not judge other parents for how they deal with their children. We all have to deal with the cards we are dealt. I would give up my life for my children, to help them to save them to do anything for them. Maybe you don't have children???

[nicoleb2]

I look at this post, and just erase the ADHD part of things, and see that your son is 20 years old, and is making poor choices (this is something that I drill into my 9 year old. You have ADHD, but it is your job to make good choices).

Your son is an adult, and needs to learn to make his own choices without your help.

It's really unfortunate that he is making a poor choice, but it is obvious by his repeatedly making that choice, he is not going to change just because you want him to.

Don't get me wrong here, as a parent, I totally understand the unending desire to protect your child, but there comes a point when you have to let them move on and make their own choices, good or bad.

[MARGURITTE]

It is our job as parents to instill good ethic... but not every child is alike. I have five all grown, ages 43-23, yes they have made choices that I wish that had never made. But I have taught them to look at the bigger picture, live by your choices, what ever bed you make for yourself accept the consequences because there could be many. My oldest is raising 2 girls, one his bio and the other is her sister. My son went to court to petition for sole custody of his daughter and then ask the judge for the sole custody and adoption of his daughter sister. Big bed to make, he has had the girls for 14 years they are 15 and 17, he has done well. He has had to figure out a lot. But with my love and support he has gotten through it. we live in different states so I am not right there, but a phone call away. Our children need us at any and every age. Don't be ready to through them under the bus so easily. Family values have to come back, where we stand behind our children, our future.

[lancetrot]

Whether a child can "outgrow" ADD/ADHD is still in debate. But it definitely is possible for your son to develop dealing strategies that cover enough for him to appear "normal" from the outside.