[Mike2066]

Hi people,

I am a British guy, from London, UK. I came across a piece of paper in my brothers bedroom with this written on it, I was going to take a photo of it then post it here, but I don't know how to do that, so have copied it (took me long, lol) . Im kinda worried about him

Hes 25 years old, and has been down since he was about 15, and we can never get anything out of him. He doesn't drink or smoke, so can't see him affected by those things. I want to opinions of how you read this. Here it is:


"Tonight is even worse, on top of all the anxieties and stress I have had, I see something that nearly destroys me altogether
Why me? Why is this happening to me, I feel closed in, trapped, and held by some thing torturous.
Is this really the beginning of the end? Last year was a bit better... the year before even, if slightly, better than that
I know last year, when I was on that forum, I got paranoid a lot, but the way I had been made me like that... wasn't strong enough to even accept things that normally would hurt someone for a few days.

But even though I never met her, she was SPECIAL to me. I saw some of her pictures, and to me was attractive, beautiful... and on top of that, she had great taste in films, music, etc. She had great opinions of films and music and life... she was intelligent, and made me smile, sometimes on the forum.
But shes seemed to forget me, since I left there, she hasn't even bothered to say a "hi" on my you tube channel, how could she seem so interested in talking to me, then not, after i didn't say or do nothing wrong.

I know if someone read this, they would be like.... "WHY are you getting so hung up, and wrecked by a girl, she's just a girl, their are lots of them, etc"
For a passionate and nostalgic person like me, who has never had luck with girls, and has been lonely for the best part of his life.... and then to join an oline community which was to do with a world (The Kinks) I was brought up in, from when I was born more or less, and a world in which I made use of to battle all my inside demons in my early years right up to last year in innocent ways,.... I come across a girl who I mentioned above, who seemed interested in me, being nice to me... she has a certain image in me, its beautiful, but awful

Having absolutely nothing now, and really wishing I could be some one better, to be able to provide happiness and enjoyment to people. Why did she forget me. She is just a side issue, but still feels like a stab in my heart and mind

Then there are the other problems


I feel like I am in a emotional and mental prison...... I just cannot continue.. the thought of it feels unbearable, when I think of it, I see a painful and emotionally killing future

I feel like I am in a cage with emotions and things I fear having a physical, but invisible form, all flying around me in the cage, prodding me, and I have to keep shoving them away, to prevent the image of the things from taking place in my mind.. but when an opening in the cage appears for me to escape, I am terrified from jumping out, in case I go through emotional heartbreak that could crack me forever, and I will not be able to get out of it

While I am still young....

Its like this: If only I could turn the clock back..... try to make my myself appear better on the forum for example, even if I had to lie a little, maybe thats I should have done
I will not live with this...its unbearable
What the hell went wrong... I just feel like screaming, I'm in agony
Every night I have those evil nightmares, hate them, hate them.

I am in the wrong place"


Thanks for reading

[Callmebj]

Mike, can you talk to your brother about this? He sounds really depressed. I think he may be in trouble considering the sadness he is feeling. It would be helpful to him to be able to discuss his feelings with someone. Some other folks are likely a lot more knowledgeable about what can be done for him with references to some articles, hot lines and such. I've been on here for only about 6 weeks.

Are you older or younger. Do you have a good relationship with him and could you talk to him? I know everyone here says he needs a therapist and psych doctor for
possible need for anti-depressants. That's what I would recommend too.

You say he doesn't talk much, so he is holding his feelings in..maybe a little prying from a trusted brother or friend would help. Hugs, bj

[Beholden]

If you and your brother live together, are your parents also living there? Could you speak with them?

I agree that your brother is in need of someone to help him. Advise from the other posted is what I agree with as well. Good luck and I'll keep you and your brother in my prayers.

[Rose76]

Well, it's pretty plain that he is genuinely depressed on a chronic basis. He sounds like he suffers from social anxiety that is crippling him from having normal connectedness to other people. That is very painful.

I think he is fortunate to have a brother who is concerned about him and cares that he may not be alright emotionally. If I had been you, I would not have put exactly what he wrote here on the forum. This is generally a safe and caring place and all that. But, I think it's best not to put out in public someone's private thoughts without them knowing and giving permission. I believe you meant well. Another approach might have been to say, "It sounds like my brother is worried about such and such." He sounds like a very sensitive person who could be hurt and upset easily. (I wouldn't tell him about posting his note, if I were you. -- which I don't think you intend, anyway.)

He may have deliberately left the note in the open, hoping that a family member would discover it and find out that he is in a lot of pain. I think you could start helping him by straight out telling him that you would be interested in hearing about how things are going for him. You could even tell him that you sense he is unhappy and that you are concerned. He may feel alone and not know how to initiate telling anyone how he feels.

I think the posters above may some good recommendations also. Good Luck.

[Mike2066]

I am older than him, I am 27, he is 25.

I am not sure if he would be upset about me posting this, but I spoke to him today and he was in a bad way, and dropped down, clutching the wall, etc. crying. Then went in his bedroom. His room is in a bad way, he is negleting himself, and his room.

He keeps saying that it is too late, it is too late, and when I ask why, he just says his age, he wasted his years, due to not being normal, now it is too late.
He has never had a girlfreind, never done things socially, from 18 to 25, he reckons he has been in his own world, for the best part of his life, which prevented this, and he just can not bear to risk failing to try at his age

He is also insecure about his looks, telling me that he has been told by random people that a girl wouldn't sleep with him even if he paid them a million dollars for it, (lol)

I told him there is nothjing wrong with his looks, but he isn't convinced. I have a few pictures of him if you want to see, but I really don't think he should take notice of these nasty people

I haven't mentioned the letter to him yet, waiting for the right time

Junip, could you tell me what things he wrote were parallel to your problems?

Cheers

[Rose76]

Your brother is truly terribly depressed. Some medication might help him feel a bit better. It won't change his life, but might enable him to come a little higher up from such deep depths of darkness. Maybe you could help him access professional help. Getting diagnosed and treated might help him feel "cared for." If he could be placed in a Partial Hospitalization Program (day treatment in a group), if might help him greatly.

The trouble is that public healthcare systems don't have enough resources to help every body who could use the help. That's really too bad. Still, someplace might take him.

He's lucky to have you. Obviously, you are very concerned about him, as he is deserving of .