[SophiaG]

Been doing it for over a year now. I think other people believe me.

[Bella01]

I was taught to say that I was fine even though I wasn't. My parents didn't have the time to handle the emotions of their children.

My T tells me this helps with the depression which I don't understand that way of thinking.

I sometimes feel that I'm the only one who really cares how I feel.

[Mylifeisdepressing]

I do it every day, too many times to count. I'll admit, it really wears me out. I just want to let it out and talk to someone... But I have no one. I don't believe at all that telling people you are fine would help. For me it just makes it worse

I don't think it's a problem with most people I don't want the whole world and his dog to know about my problems!), but it's definitely interfering in CBT as my T is falling for it and thinks I'm doing great, when I really really am not. I know they say that acting 'as if' you are fine is good in depression as it somehow convinces your brain that you *are* fine...but it has never worked for me.

However I've been working in CBT on how the things I do to 'protect' myself from rejection etc actually work to maintain my depression. For example I think I'm a bad person which makes me feel depressed. So I 'protect' myself from people finding out I'm a bad person and subsequently rejecting me, by people pleasing and acting as others want me to act. However I will never feel acceptance this way as I am always being inauthentic, and not feeling accepted fuels my depression. It's quite complicated, but has made me realise that making T laugh and enjoy my sessions so he'll like me and won't reject me, isn't actually doing me any favours. T won't keep seeing me if he thinks everything is fine so I'm being stupid by keeping up this pretence.

SophiaG - do you have a T you can be honest with? I know it's difficult but that is my goal for my next session.

Bella01 - I feel the same. I often think that it doesn't matter what I think or how I feel, as long as I behave in the way society expects (ie full-time job, live independently, later marriage & kids). And I sometimes worry that T & Pdoc only care about my behaviour too - if I was functioning fine, then no healthcare professional would care if I felt overwhelmed or suicidal, would they?!

*Willow*

[SoupDragon]

It can be really lonely can't it? And the pretending tiring - like living a false existence.

How are you really right now?

[sookie3]

I get really tired of faking it. No one is interested anyway. I'm trying to just get by each day.

[SophiaG]

Reasons why I say I am fine:

1) the average person doesn't give good advice
2) the average person doesn't like dealing with depressed people.
3) the average workplace would hold it against me.
4) people believe its not a real disease and that I am faking.
5) most people do not understand, and buy into false preconcieved notions of what depression is and what people need to do if they
Want to get better.
6) if people with depression are low functioning they = worthless.
7) people believe "getting better" is a choice, and if people with depression don't get better, well, then they're just choosing not to...

All reasons to disassociate myself from the label and utter the words "I'm fine"

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by SophiaG

1) the average person doesn't give good advice
2) the average person doesn't like dealing with depressed people.
3) the average workplace would hold it against me.
4) people believe its not a real disease and that I am faking.
5) most people do not understand, and buy into false preconcieved notions of what depression is and what people need to do if they
Want to get better.
6) if people with depression are low functioning they = worthless.
7) people believe "getting better" is a choice, and if people with depression don't get better, well, then they're just choosing not to...

Well thought through and all too true.

[SophiaG]

The moment where everything inside is imploding and you look someone in the eye and say "i'm fine, thanks for asking."

[Lauru]

I learned to same I'm fine since early childhood. In my family you had better be fine or else be threatened with "the doctor" or just a "What's the matter with you!? Stop it!" So you know what FINE stands for right??

F'ed up
Insecure
Neurotic
Emotional

And that describes me to a tee.

[pinkfloyd_kay]

I always say that I'm fine when someone asks me how I am for the sake of politeness—i.e. "Oh hi Kay, how are you?" "I'm okay." I only trust a few people with my real emotions; people who actually do care about how I am.

[RonPSH]

Originally Posted by SoupDragon

It can be really lonely can't it? And the pretending tiring - like living a false existence.

How are you really right now?

That's exactly the problem....we are raised to be hypocrites, expected to be something we are not. We are taught to only be honest about positive things and lie about negative things by acting positive.

Here's an alternative view on what depression is...comments appreciated... http://www.profound-self-help.com/de...self-help.html

Ron

[Maya51]

I am new here so hello That is a very good question. I have never really given it a lot of thought. I don't really remember being any other way. I have learned to be rather stoic when it comes to emotions.

[Suki22]

I love the Monday morning question: how was your weekend?! I grit my teeth, say "Good!" and quickly turn it around to them: "What did you do?!" That way I don't have to say what I really did.

No one wants to hear me say "I laid around my filthy house, avoided alcohol, watched tv, overate, lurked around Psych Central and Facebook and slept!"

[JLarissaDragon]

Like some of the others I say I am fine when I am not to protect myself. I feel like no one really wants to know how I am really doing. Furthermore some of my closest acquaintances at work could not handle it, It can really come back to hurt you in many situations. I can only be vulnerable when I truly feel safe. It is too dangerous to let your feelings and emotions lay around just anywhere

[CastlesInTheAir]

Originally Posted by Suki22

I love the Monday morning question: how was your weekend?! I grit my teeth, say "Good!" and quickly turn it around to them: "What did you do?!" That way I don't have to say what I really did.

No one wants to hear me say "I laid around my filthy house, avoided alcohol, watched tv, overate, lurked around Psych Central and Facebook and slept!"

Lol me too!!!! I read your reply and blurted out omg that's exactly what I do!

-trish

I used to always say that, now I am just so far gone sometimes, I totally forget who I am talking too. Yet I have mainly become extremely sarcastic to just fool people.

[roads]

Maya, welcome to PC ! And yes, everyone, I know I hugged everyone like a giggly starlet on a practice red carpet working my way down here to this post position.

This was almost a trigger subject for me tho. I nearly came unglued when I was new to PC & this came up. Who, moi say "fine" when I'm hurting? No way! Truth will out! Therapy demands it! I argued this perspectiveacross several forums until Venus cautioned me to be that way here all I liked, folks here wouldn't use it against me because they got it.

IRL tho most people don't. IRL people would very likely use it against me.

Well of course they would. They wouldn't know what else to do with it, would they?

So I get it now. I hate it. but I do "get it." Sadly.

[CgRgSm]

This is probably part of why I am so antisocial. Everyone is so expected to be all happy and everything be wonderful and be joking and having fun, but I hate tradition. I hate what people think I am supposed to do or say and sometimes I do tell people the truth and shock them. But in the end, after doing so, it really doesn't matter or help at all so I do just say "I'm fine", or "I'm doing ok" even though I hate everything in the whole world and wanna die.

[BuggsBunny]

My usual answer is "I'm hanging in there" as I don't want to lie and say I'm fine when I;m not. It's been a long time since anyone but my pdoc got the truth

[Unrigged64072835]

If I'm feeling really bad I just say, "I'm here." Most people get the point and leave me alone.

[BuggsBunny]

Originally Posted by BuggsBunny

My usual answer is "I'm hanging in there" as I don't want to lie and say I'm fine when I;m not. It's been a long time since anyone but my pdoc got the truth

I should add that at my worst, I say "I'm alive" because when I'm really depressed, even that is an accomplishment. And anyway, that's the closest I can get to the truth and still be socially acceptable.