[Ellensue]

Hello, Everyone:

This is my first post here. I am severely depressed, partially due to a breakup that has escalated. It is 6 months since he cancelled the engagement; 2 months since he broke it off for good but said he wanted to be "friends" but I didn't see or hear from him. One week since I emailed him and he let me know he didn't want any contact at all.

Although we were only together for 1 1/2 years, this guy was the best friend I've ever had in my life (and I am 56). We were really, really happy until he suddenly had a change of heart. I have never been good at friendships and I have almost no one now. Several people I've reached out to have not responded, especially those who are his friends also. Some people who are sort of friends are not well themselves, and not really able to listen or help--I've had more help from strangers than some of the people I thought were friends.

I've been trying to get out and meet new people, but my current state exacerbates my already poor friendship ability. I'm embarrassed to say I even called the ex and left a message, but of course he didn't call back. Last Sunday I took myself to the ER, basically because I was doing really badly and had no one to talk to. (It was a horrible experience.)

I have a new therapist and also returned to my psychiatrist and got a new prescription...but I don't have a job so no insurance. I haven't had a job for a while and have been applying, but it's hard enough getting a job when you're got the energy and confidence; nearly impossible when you don't.

To make matters worse, my ex is a local musician, and has a major concert with a famous colleague on, of all days, Valentines Day, an event we had started to plan together last year. (With everything else, I feel horrible that I can't go to the concert--there she is, XX's former fiance on Valentines Day sitting by herself watching him.). He is successful and adored and happy and probably is dating and wants nothing to do with me when not too long ago he was saying over and over that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and he'd be a fool to let me go. (When we were together I wasn't depressed so that's not why he left)

And I am by myself with no friends and no job and no hope.

I know it's the depression talking (I've been on and off depressed most of my life), but the realities of my life are also pretty bad. Every day is worse than the previous, especially mornings.

Thank you for letting me at least talk to someone. I'll look forward to everyone's responses.

ES

[Suki22]

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down and I'm glad you're here at PC! I'm sorry about everything you've been going through. we know what the "let's be friends" line means--let's not be friends but I'm trying to make me sound like less of a jerk. I'm sorry he's not the one for you but I think it's a blessing in disguise. heartbreak is the worst and I'm sorry you're going through this.

have you tried any temp agencies to look for work? something would be better than nothing at this point and would be good for your spirit. I know when I was out of work last year it was far too easy to be depressed being alone, no money. I really feel for you and your situation. take care.

[Babylove]

Hello Ellensue, I am very sorry that you are experiencing such sorrow. I too am experiencing great sorrow and that is what led me here to this site. I read somewhere that a good possible counter to helping to deal with your own sadness is to help others with theirs. It's not so much that misery loves company, but to me, it's more that people who are down, sometimes just want affirmation that they aren't alone; that there isn't anything wrong with them and the way they feel. Please know that there is an endless circle of support for you, even if an online site has to connect you. I would love to help in any way I can.

I agree with Suki22 that having a job will likely help tremendously, even from a temp agency. Perhaps even volunteer work to help you get out there and your mind muscle working on other ideas. I have a hard enough time getting through my sorrow while I have a busy life schedule. I can only begin to imagine how difficult it must be without other things to keep you moving.

Please do not lose hope. You are welcome to PM me and maybe we can bounce around other ideas? Best wishes.

[Izziebee]

Hi Ellensue,

I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time. I went through a similar experience a few years ago with a guy I dated for 4 years. He was my rock and when we broke up I fell apart. This happens. Don't ever think you shouldn't feel how you feel -- it's part of the grieving process and you need to deal with it in your own way.

I will tell you that it will get better. It may take a little time, it may take a long time. But you will feel better. I agree with the others who suggest finding something to fill your time and distract your mind -- work or volunteer work. Volunteer work with animals helped me a lot and I always feel comforted by animals (but that's just me, you will find something that works for you).

I also felt (and still do, sometimes) that my close friends and family were unable to help with the situation -- often because they are too close to the situation to offer objective advice, or because they offer advice when I just needed someone to listen to me. I too found support in unlikely places, so I'm glad you're here.

I hope we at PC can help you

[notsomuch]

Hi Ellensue,

My world feels very similar to yours with many of the same circumstances... recent breakup, no job, loss of purpose, loss of self. I am here looking for some way to share all of these feelings and looking for support to work this out. If you care to PM me I'd like to share... but if not I hope you find an outlet and a shoulder... notsomuch

[needfixing]

i don't understand why people do that, break up with no explaination, or lets stay friends, or its not you its me.

the way he broke off the relationship makes me think he really didn't support you or give you the proper respect you so deserve.

i don't think your giving yourself enough credit, you don't need a man in your life to feel complete or fill your void.

take this time to find a hobby you might like, or exercise, there's yoga, hiking, biking or even swimming. the classes will allow you to meet new people.

thanks for sharing and keep us updated.

[Ellensue]

Thanks, everyone, for your kind responses. I'll keep coming and keep you posted. Getting a temp job -- or volunteering -- are good ideas. Life can be difficult.