what's wrong with me?

WTF is my problem that no one ever UNDERSTANDS me?! I mean, I know it's hard to uncover true intent online -- no tone of voice, body language, etc -- but I get jumped on relatively frequently for no good reason aside from the one that the person reading the email has read something into it that wasn't there and wasn't at all my intent.

My brother asked me some questions about a bill I asked him to help me pay. Fine, no problem, he has a right to know where his money is going, I answered his questions honestly.

He works 12-hr shifts, starting at noon. I didn't wake up in time to respond to his emails this morning before he left for work. So I woke up to two really, really pissy emails, unnecessarily mean and rude and calling me unjustified names, etc.

I wrote him one back telling him all I did was answer his questions, and sorry if I offended him, please explain how I did that and why I deserved to be called what he called me. A while later I wrote him another one saying I am doing my best and I know he is not made of money, and I really don't WANT his help, but I am too sick to work right now, am not getting unemployment or disability, and have no income, so I kind of need him. I stressed that I would rather be on my own two feet and felt bad for needing help.

Then, he left me a pissy message on my cell phone. So I called him back while he was at lunch and I *think* we finally got it straightened out, but I'm not sure. He still sounded pissed when we hung up.

People jump my ***** all the time for what they *THINK* I said, when what they *THINK* I said is nowhere near what I said. I have been so frigging depressed all day because of this. My other sibs are on my butt too -- first they aren't going to help me any more, then they are, then, how's the job hunting going (the dr. will let me work 20 hrs, which will about wipe me out completely, physically), have you thought about what you have that you can sell to make some money?, we don't mind helping you, BUUUUUUUUUUUT..........

I've applied for every form of aid I can think of, and I've been thoroughly screwed by the social services system and the incompetent people I have run across in it (and yes, folks, I do know that not all social services workers are incompetent -- just all the ones I've worked with have been!). There haven't been any decisions made on my behalf yet, and therefore no checks. I should be concentrating on getting well from a disease that nearly killed me, and instead I'm taking ***** about my finances because I can't work and I don't have any financial aid.

I don't know how to remedy this, how to make people understand me. Pretty lousy place to be in for a professional communicator -- but at work I deal in FACTS, at least, can't be disputed. It is or it isn't.

I don't know what to do. I don't know how to stop feeling bad about this. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide and wish myself away, out of existence. And yes, I'm probably overreacting -- my brother is VERY much like my dad in temperament, and my dad was pretty rough to grow up with, and I never, ever, no matter what, met his approval. I know this whole thing today has been a huge trigger, but I know I can't explain that to my brother, because he doesn't believe in depression (one of those "just snap out of it" sorts). I wish I could tell him and let him know what he's done to me today, but he would just yell at me, and I don't need any more of that.

Somebody, anybody......help?



Candy

(( Candy )) you have been very ill and are having financial issues that would make anyone very mad at a lot of these issues and it MAY come across in your emails and whet you say..You may not even know it. If many people as you say "jump your shyt".....(.I mean this nicely ok...) ... maybe its you and not all of them....maybe you are saying or writing things that may reflect your anger and fears and they sense it? Just an idea...I am sorry for your pain and frustration trust me I KNOW many of the same issues and the hard road you are on and am sorry you have all this going on

((((((candy)))))) I wish I knew what to suggest, but I don't. I'm sorry. Right now, the only thing I can do is to tell you that you're in my thoughts and prayers. Huggles.