[KellyJo]

For all my life i've been seen as the "strong one" or "the tough one" (not just among my family but my friends too) because i appear to handle things better than the others. I feel like im taken for granted because I listen and try my hardest to help others with their problems, be there for them when they need me, and rarely ask for help in return. I often keep my problems to myself and deal with them on my own because I dont want to burden others with them.
I think people misinterpret this though, and end up thinking that i dont have problems. when in reality i do.
when i do open up I feel as if its not taken seriously because theyre used to my being the one who doesnt break down. How does one get help for their problems if theyre percieved differently than others? Its discouraging to have your problems being underrated by those you care about. Im so tired of being the one that keeps things together. Im exhausted and overwhelmed. How do i rid myself of that burden without hurting those around me? Help?

[dailyhealing]

I can relate to feeling overwhelmed andexhausted at times. I have had depression/anxiety for over 25 years now (since my teens) and have only recently come out to all my friends and family about it. It sounds like you might be depressed, and I know when I am depressed I try to handle things on my own too much. That's what gets me in trouble the most, is when I don't ask for help. It sounds like you have a supportive family (and friends). If so, I would encourage you to talk to someone about your feelings the same way you are talking about them on here. What you said makes sense entirely, and I would hope any good friend or family member would take you seriously! I do. I hope you will find some peace with this KellyJo.

[LookingforCalm]

Honestly - I've felt this way all my life. I'm usually the happy one who puts on a good front, and most have no idea what's going in my head or in my life. As for people depending on me, that's not really been a problem. Besides being everyone's advocate, I haven't had to be the "strong" one, and I'm sorry that I don't know what that's like.

I think the best thing for you to do is be honest with your friends and family. What you're feeling isn't a joke - it's real. You feel overwhelmed, and feel taken for granted. There is a way to put this without alienating anyone.

Tell those who you listen to what's going on with you. You don't have to be specific or divulge anything you don't want to - but turn the tables a bit. "Yeah, I can relate to that because this is what happened to me..." or "I understand because..."

Involve yourself, but don't ever expect the same in return. Some people want things to only be about themselves, and there is nothing you can do about that.

I think you are a good friend, and that's probably why so many depend on you. But it can't be about them all the time. You're human, and you have problems too that should be heard.

So I suggest you speak up. No one is a better advocate for you than you! Reach out to them the same way they have to you.

You need to take care of yourself. You can't take care of anyone if you don't care of you.

[KellyJo]

Thanks you guys. its just hard to speak up yanno?

[turquoisesea]

I definitely know. That's been me too.

For me I have a mixed story to tell. You mentioned not hurting your friends. It depends on your friends. for me I just didn't share my problems much because I didn't want to burden others. When I started opening up my friends showed their true colors. one left, even before I opened up because I "wasn't there for her anymore" - I got so depressed that I was in my apartment all day and unable to get out of bed at one point, and she left me as a friend because I wasn't there for her.

Some friends may not be up for the challenge of having a somewhat equal friendship. But you have the right to one. Other friends will stand up to that challenge, and it will be well worth it.

It was important for me, to learn that sharing is a necessary part of a true friendship, that you can't hold your own emotional needs in ... you need give and TAKE too.

just my thoughts on it...

[cboxpalace]

Originally Posted by KellyJo

For all my life i've been seen as the "strong one" or "the tough one" (not just among my family but my friends too) because i appear to handle things better than the others. I feel like im taken for granted because I listen and try my hardest to help others with their problems, be there for them when they need me, and rarely ask for help in return.

I don't think that people are deliberately taking advantage of you, but I do think you may need to learn how to set boundaries with others in regards to how much emotional investment you're going to give them. Here's the thing... If you choose to help someone you have to go into it with no expectations in return. They should do the same for you, but if you count on that, you'll end up disappointed. There is nothing wrong with you politely saying no. If they ask why just say you have to many of your own problems that you're dealing with.

I often keep my problems to myself and deal with them on my own because I dont want to burden others with them.
I think people misinterpret this though, and end up thinking that i dont have problems. when in reality i do.

Because you keep your problems to yourself and deal with them on your own... It's reasonable that people are unaware that you do have problems or need help. So their not misinterpreting.. it's they don't know.

when i do open up I feel as if its not taken seriously because theyre used to my being the one who doesnt break down.
How does one get help for their problems if theyre percieved differently than others?

I think it's a matter of you finding a friend that you perceive to be on the same maturity level as you. Someone that you can open upto and will take you seriously when you need to talk. If you don't have a friend like that you may need to rely on people in the forum, a councilor, parent etc.

Its discouraging to have your problems being underrated by those you care about. Im so tired of being the one that keeps things together. Im exhausted and overwhelmed. How do i rid myself of that burden without hurting those around me? Help?

It's reasonable that you would be exhausted and overwhelmed, and that's why, I think, you should look at establishing boundaries with others in what you can/can't do for them so you aren't overwhelmed.

[KellyJo]

Turquisesea: thanks, thats what im afraid of though, yanno? that they'll all stop wanting to be my friends, and i'll be left all alone. its silly i know but ive lost a few of my friends quite recently and i hate feeling abandoned.

[konrei]

This is me as well.

I do have friends but I'm not close to them though I do help them if they need it and rarely to ask something in return. All in all they think I'm the weirdest of the bunch and my relationship with them isn't the strongest. I tried telling them my problem but they just don't take it seriously and reaching to them gives me a cold shoulder in return, it just wrecks my nerves off.

I, too, am depressed that I tried not to work the whole day in the house but I remember no one's going to this but me because no one is there to listen to my problems (my family aren't reliable to this) and telling them makes me look like a 'drama queen' to them.

I feel sorry to myself that I'm a lousy friend...

[KellyJo]

Thanks cbox. you make alot of sense. especially about the misinterpreting thing, i never really thought about it that way.

And Konrei thanks for posting. i hope you and your friends get closer. i dont see how youre a lousy friend. you said you try to listen to their problems and being weird isnt a bad thing and it certainly doesnt make you lousy! Everyone has their quirks. and like cbox said above to me, you can always to talk to us here on the forum.

[CgRgSm]

No, I am sorry but I cannot relate to this one. I'm more like the opposite to what you are describing. I've been the weak one all my life, always have had other people have to take care of me, and I hate it. I have no will to live at all, and I don't know what the strange force is that is even giving me the strength to type on my keyboard. But anyway, everyone's got problems. Even people that are happy have problems they face every day. I don't know the answer to your last question. But you can get all used up from weak people, you can spend your life taking care of people and never get anything back. People can sap the energy out of you, and make you be one of them and bring you down. I have no idea what I am trying to say.

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by KellyJo

Turquisesea: thanks, thats what im afraid of though, yanno? that they'll all stop wanting to be my friends, and i'll be left all alone. its silly i know but ive lost a few of my friends quite recently and i hate feeling abandoned.

I think that's a fear we need to work through, and also learn to trust some friends for some things and some for others. Truth is, a friendship should go both ways, or we accept that it's not a close friendship,.. you can keep it one sided but you need at least some friendships that go both ways imo