in need of help

im only new to this so im not really sure how this works. But anyway im 17 and im going through a really rough patch at the moment. things have gone downhill in the last 6 months so fast my head is spinning. im in grade 12 and im so stressed out because of all the work and im not very good at handling my stress. im having alot of problems at home with my family, i get really terrible mood swings and get into alot of trouble with my parents. i've been dating my boyfriend for the last 7 months and i love him very much and hes my first real boyfriend. we fight ALOT, like twice a day. and i always feel so guilty afterwards.

I have a family history of depression and anxiety and every female on my mothers side is now on medication for it, but i really dont want to go to the doctors because i know theyll just want to put me on tables and i really dont want too.

I really need help right now. sometimes i feel really sad and there isnt even a specific reason. i just dont know what to do anymore. the last 6 months ive resorted to cutting myself and when my boyfriend found out it really upset him. we constantly argue about it but i still feel the need to do it. i really hate hurting him but he just doesnt understand what im going through.

im not an open person, i dont like putting myself out there for everyone to see. i like being private and. But i really need some sort of game plan to fix this because it is effecting my home and social life. some days i dont even want to get out of bed. sometimes i just cry for no reason, and its been months since ive has a proper nights sleep. i feel like there are walls all around me and i cant breathe. i have panic attack some nights and im always on the phone to my boyfriend till the early hours of the morning because im scared to be alone with my thoughts. I cant keep going on like this or im going to just crash and burn.

if anyone has any ideas on how to help me, please, i am willing to try anything.

welcome to pc. there's lots of support here. glad u joined us, bit of a mess.

Welcome to PC. There really are some wonderful people here and there are many who will understand or can empathize with everything you mentioned.
I have been seeing my T for a while now.....no meds at all, I have an issue with meds(my body adapts to them too quickly) so they are useless...even OTC's don't work for more than a cple days.
Sometimes however meds are necessary & for some they are the best thing that ever happened. You said you are willing to try anything so my suggestion is to just talk to your Dr. tell him that you feel that emotionally you some need help to cope with your stress & that you are initially not interested in meds, but don't write them off completely, see what he suggests.
There is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it, I am 40yrs old and can't deal with regular life sometimes so I post from experience lol
Hope I helped even just a little.

Hugz
Nams

Welcome, by reading your post it sounds very likely that you have depression and should see or speak to someone very soon. If ignored it only gets worse trust me on this one.

Welcome to pc, Bit. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Life does get easier, i promise. :-) it is soo rough being 17. I agree with scotty204. Talking to a school counselor or trusted teacher would help oodles. Sending you hugs.

I'm sorry you're going through so much right now. I remember my last year of high school, and it was very stressful and emotional with a lot of the same issues you are dealing with. I had a very tumultuous time growing up in an unstable situation, but I moved out when I turned 18, and things very quickly changed for the better. I realized that I was not doomed to be like everyone else in my family, and instead, there was a person there all along who just needed a chance to be free of the drama and stress. The body can only handle so much, and crying, not sleeping, cutting were all things I did, probably as a way to subconsciously cope with being stuck in a painful situation. I let my grades slip, acted out, and got into an unhealthy relationship (I hope your boyfriend is a much nicer boy than mine was!). All of those things took away from the time I should have spent focusing on myself and being happy. Try to look as far as you can down the road so you know that there are so many great things ahead of you-college, getting an apartment, traveling, etc. There are things you can do to help with mood that don't involve drugs. Having a stable schedule, healthy diet, exercise, yoga, volunteering, doing something to express yourself like painting, going to temple/church/meditating... Of course, most of those things can be difficult when you're living with parents who have some say in what food is in the house or what you do after school. In the meantime, stay strong, try to find someone you can talk to, and find healthy outlets for how you're feeling.