A bit of a dilemma

Sorry just writing on here in a vain attempt to avert a panic attack that i can feel coming.

So one of my closest friends just told me that he likes me as more than friends.
And so my mind does a word association game type thing and goes to relationships then sex and then what happened last summer.

My emotions are all over the place anyway so really it's hard to be remembering something like that on top of everything else.

But I dont want things to be awkward between us because I really can't be dealing with losing a close friend.

But I know that every time I see him, I'm going to be reminded of last summer. So I think that even if he managed to not find things awkward, I'm not going to be able to be around him.

And now I'm just crying and I think I'm going to be sick.

I just hate all this so much. Why can't I just not have any friends? Just be alone in a room forever. At least then I'd have nothing to lose and it wouldnt all hurt so much.

Sorry, just can't deal with this by myself. I know it's not big in the grand scheme of things, and it's not big compared to what some people have gone/are going through, but it still hurts and I have noone else to talk to. xxxxx

I wish I could give u the answer or some good advice but i'm not sure I can!! Could u not just explain that u are not in the same place as him?? I really hope u can sort this! Please take care!!!

((((Music Rules Me))))

I sat in my T's office just yesterday, swiping at tears and saying, "But it just hurts so much." It's pain that we all must deal with, MRM, & it does hurt.

I'm glad you're posting. A different "it" for you & me but the pain & the hurt--I think that's probably universal.

As for the Grand Scheme of Things...
I don't live in any Grand Scheme, I live in the Here and Now ... this moment! So do you. So it is a big thing. It's a very big thing.

Pain, when we experience it, can expand to fill every aspect of our present time and place.

You might want to cross-post this over on the Relationship Forum, Music Rules Me. It's not an unknown happening, and someone may have some wise counsel.

I did try to tell him that it was because my emotions are all over the place at the moment and that I'm not grounded enough to even think about being in a relationship, but I think it still felt like rejection to him, which I don't want it to have to feel like.

Thanks. I have posted it over to the Relationship forum now. I didnt even know there was one.

I just feel really selfish though to be getting so hurt over events that are nothing compared to what other people have gone through. On the one hand I feel I need to let all of my emotions out, but on the other hand I hate taking up time and space that other people need more than I do.
I suppose I'm just selfish like that though.

MRM,

I can relate to what your going through. Whenever I become overwhelmed with emotions, part of me really wants to post and get feedback. The dark side of myself tries to talk me out of it. All of those fears, "Who cares? Does this belong here? What do I have to complain about? etc." go through my head loudly and constantly.

Something tells me that those thoughts probably aren't real unusual. They still FEEL compelling though, I know. I hope that you get some relief soon!