[Mogeii]

My mornings are always a struggle, even if they are pretty easy struggles at times. Wake up and for 5 minutes feel perfectly normal, groggy of course. Then the next hour or until I get moving I usually fight with general anxiety and minor depressive thoughts.

But here are the two thoughts that I wanted to ask if others ever have. First is my depression's new favorite line "You felt good yesterday? No, you tricked yourself into feeling good, you are truly miserable deep down." Last night I felt very good, and I told myself DO NOT LET YOUR DEPRESSION GIVE YOU THE ILLUSION TOMORROW THAT YOU WERENT FEELING GOOD. Well here I am and the illusion is very strong. Anyone ever get that?

Second one is more of a downer because I feel it plays on the hardest aspect of depression and anxiety: Knowing it doesn't go away quick. The thought I get some mornings is "Okay another day and we will fight ourselves into the light again, but what quality of life is constantly fighting for happiness? Doesn't seem worth it." It's not really suicidal thinking, but its more of that negative outlook on the future, like I will never have any times where I don't need to fight to pull myself into the light. I know from experience this isn't true, but when you are struggling its hard to break these illusions.

Anyone can relate to either of those?

[jk2833]

Originally Posted by Mogeii

My mornings are always a struggle, even if they are pretty easy struggles at times. Wake up and for 5 minutes feel perfectly normal, groggy of course. Then the next hour or until I get moving I usually fight with general anxiety and minor depressive thoughts.

But here are the two thoughts that I wanted to ask if others ever have. First is my depression's new favorite line "You felt good yesterday? No, you tricked yourself into feeling good, you are truly miserable deep down." Last night I felt very good, and I told myself DO NOT LET YOUR DEPRESSION GIVE YOU THE ILLUSION TOMORROW THAT YOU WERENT FEELING GOOD. Well here I am and the illusion is very strong. Anyone ever get that?

Second one is more of a downer because I feel it plays on the hardest aspect of depression and anxiety: Knowing it doesn't go away quick. The thought I get some mornings is "Okay another day and we will fight ourselves into the light again, but what quality of life is constantly fighting for happiness? Doesn't seem worth it." It's not really suicidal thinking, but its more of that negative outlook on the future, like I will never have any times where I don't need to fight to pull myself into the light. I know from experience this isn't true, but when you are struggling its hard to break these illusions.

Anyone can relate to either of those?

Hi there,
I can relate to what your saying although my feelings are not exactly the same as yours.
I get up and think another day,another day of pain and anxiousness,even though the night before I promise myself that I'm going to really try and go outside and be more active,it never happens.
Either I'm in too much physical pain or I can't breathe with the anxiety,I often think I'm existing not living.
I know life is what you make it but when your not mentally or physically able to do the simplest of daily tasks such as walking it gets so frustrating.
Your right it is a constant battle
Take care
Jk

[Severijn]

Hi Mogeii. I know what you mean. During depressions you have ups and downs, and during the down period you see life in a different light. It's depression playing nasty trick with you.

What really worked for me was doing exercise (a lot) and reading self-help books.

Especially goal-setting (mostly small goals) and visualization exercises and changing my self-talk worked really well to overcome depression.

Perhaps give them a try. They changed my life for the better. Don't give up fighting your depression; life can get better.

[Mogeii]

Very good replies guys. I had a real bad day and luckily my therapist let me come into the session that was scheduled for my mom. We talked and we discussed something I haven't really given a fair shake yet. She suggested that someone like me needs to let go a little. Instead of having a negative thought and knocking it in the head with a positive one, have the negative thought and let it pass by without even giving it another thought. Its hard, but I feel that a little release is just what I need. Meds help, staying active helps, but maybe sometimes what we need a is a little break. Good be that our depression would like one too, and we can all get along

[JenIsAlwaysSick]

I think we all have some kind of variation on what you describe. As far as normal can get for us, that's typical.

Something that might help, before you go to bed at night, is to write down or type up what made your day great. Even if it's just one good thing per day, it helps. When you feel like garbage, read that good thing from the day before.

It's hard to banish the thoughts, but it's possible. It's challenging, but worth it to try.