[CastlesInTheAir]

Does anyone feel like their depression has now become more of a habit than anything else? For instance instead of laying around and not doing anything because you're depressed you're now laying around because that's what you are now used to even though you want to move. So now you're depressed because you're so used to laying around that you lay around.

Then you try to make a habit of not laying around but then you fall back into the bad habit. Not to mention you're so used to doing nothing that when you venture out into the world you're now self consious of everything.

Its like a cycle..its making me mad getting fed with myself.

I can't stay organized
Room stays a mess

Blah.....

I must break this chain

[roads]

I came to that conclusion about 15 yrs ago. I'd been in a paralyzingly depression for several years which none of the med changes had helped. I was fairly active, but I decided I wasn't active enough. I thought if I kicked my exercise routine into high gear, surely I'd kick start the energy that was virtually absent from my life.

I got a personal trainer, set up a routine beginning at the gym at 5:30 am. For a solid year I force myself into a productive, active lifestyle. And progressively my depression deepened.

Skip down the road a few years and I undergo a break down sufficient to warrant a month's hospitalization resulting in a new diagnosis, new meds ... so my depleated energy, sustained depression, etc was not laziness or any other lack on my part. I was sick, but not properly diagnosed or treated at the time.

So be careful. Like me, could be you're sick--misdiagnosed, improperly treated. Don't precipitate a crisis.

Roadie

[CastlesInTheAir]

Yeah if you just looked at me right now youd think I'm lazy but its more like i just can't move.

I think back to a little over a year ago when i had no problem really leaving the house, go out for a night in town, go to the salon, make plans and keep them, etc etc

Now I'm just sitting here like.....ok? Bed laptop internet check lol

Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel like I'm getting lazier and lazier, but I'm always tired. I get out less and less - I can't believe how much I used to get done in a day. Well meaning friends say things like 'the more sleep you have, the more sleep you need' and patronize my meager efforts to do simple tasks with encouraging 'well done's... At times I get hacked off with myself and push myself to do more, even if I don't feel up to it - but I end up making myself ill with anxiety and panic attacks. Can't seem to win! I have a theory that therapy is making me really tired at the moment, as the 'real' work seems to have started, and it's on my mind a lot... At the moment I'm just trying to do what I can, and follow the advice of my T and my doctor. But it's very tempting to just stay in bed and go back to sleep - most days I do.

[sconnie892]

Originally Posted by triciadrich

Does anyone feel like their depression has now become more of a habit than anything else? For instance instead of laying around and not doing anything because you're depressed you're now laying around because that's what you are now used to even though you want to move. So now you're depressed because you're so used to laying around that you lay around.

Then you try to make a habit of not laying around but then you fall back into the bad habit. Not to mention you're so used to doing nothing that when you venture out into the world you're now self consious of everything.

Its like a cycle..its making me mad getting fed with myself.

I can't stay organized
Room stays a mess

Blah.....

I must break this chain

With dysthymia, I still do stuff, but definitely not at the same pace I used to. But your question about habit really has me thinking. There are days (although sometimes few and far between) where I do feel good and have a normal amount of energy - but I still sit around and look at the house that needs cleaning instead of actually cleaning it.

Like someone else mentioned, I feel like I am giving a lot of energy to therapy right now. I wonder if that is part of it. Therapy and the work in between sessions takes up time and effort.

I am learning to be gentle with myself about not getting everything done. I am learning to accept "good enough" sometimes.

[KeepGoing8]

I totally feel this Tricia. I even feel sometimes that the feelings of depression have become a habit or addiction for me. I slip so easily into it sometimes, the SU ideation especially: like, at some point in my depressed life, thinking about different ways to off myself became an automatic response to stress or sadness. I hate myself for it. I feel it's waaaay self- absorbed and obviously...it just makes me feel MUCH worse. I think I used to have the SU daydreams as a way for me to feel in control: like I at least have the power to end these feelings for good....( I know, I know, this whole depressive thought process of mine is f'ed) ...and now, like I said, it's almost habit...automatic. They should have Depressives Anonymous

[CastlesInTheAir]

So we must brain wash ourselves to get up and be positive

[CastlesInTheAir]

How can we do this?

[Gently1]

Yes some of the behaviors can become a habit that are not useful in the long run, like losing muscle tone, isolation and all the others..., as with major depression, chronic pain and many other conditions.

The habit I chose self care, even if my home is not perfect, little by little adding routines - habits has made a difference.

What works for me is`brainwashing`.
There is a list in my bathroom: get up, go to bathroom, medication, check laundry, shower, dressed, etc

So when I wake up and the THOUGHT of starting my day and getting up is overwhelming.... you may know the days when your are not even up and your are planning your bedtime...

I say out loud: Flylady

No thinking involved, just get up and look at my list and start.

Gently accepting the day as it is here and now, doing what I can, so I am managing the depression it is not managing me.

The list idea is from www.flylady.net the Flylady suffered from depression and created a way to manage her life and home, from the routine she learned from her stay in hospital and the wisdom of one of her roommates.
(the flylady does tell it much better)

I have an evening routine as well. and I was not born organized!
G1