Crisis trying to overtake my days again

I've been battling with the depression, as well as other things, from my existential crisis for a few years now and, although I've been speaking with a therapist about it, the feelings associated with it have fell heavy on me for the last few days.

I just get so sad. Everything I look at just...it's like it's nothing. I can't look at something without thinking, "Someday, this thing I like is going to rust." or "Someday, that thing I like is going to be destroyed." or "Someday, this person/animal that I love is going to die.". I can't get those thoughts to leave. They just torment me day and night.

I used to paint, write, illustrate comics and loved to do my hobbies. I used to find meaning in life, but that's just gone somewhere out of my reach now.

I know it's the crisis/depression talking and making my life seem meaningless but...well, it still feels meaningless. I wish I could find joy and substance in my life again.

I'm just very down and lost right now, and I don't know what to do to get past this.

hi karlarei2003

sorry you're feeling so bad right now.

is it your first time in therapy? or your first time talking about a particular thing? when i spoke with my doc about therapy once she warned me that it always gets worse before it gets better as your bringing things to the surface and acknowledging them for the first time.

i hope things get better for you soon

(((Karlarei2003)))

I'm sorry that you've been feeling so low.

Have you tried contacting your therapist? You could try calling, and see if he/she has some tips to help you make it through until your next session.

You could always call crisis counselors for a sympathetic ear and ideas that might help you gain better perspective towards life. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (8255): Suicide hotline, 24/7 free and confidential, nationwide network of crisis centers.

Gentle hugs to you.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so awful. I remember days like that.
I also like to draw, paint, etc. When I got into those dark, awful times, I just FORCED myself to start drawing or painting again and once I started it seemed to bring me out of the darkness little by little. Then I'd really get into it -- it really helped. I don't know if the same would happen to you, but maybe it's worth a try?

I agree that calling your therapist might be a good idea. Hopefully he'll have some tips for you.

I wish you the very best. You'll be in my prayers. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Thanks everyone for all your replies and suggestions!

I'm actually feeling much better today. I'm not completely up to par but I'm not as deep in the haze as I was.

******

Actually, no. I've been talking with my therapist for about a year now. I actually started going to her because of this very issue and I'm still working on it to this day.

That's a really good point for me to remember as there are still some things that seem to be pushing their way up to the surface.

******

Yes, I actually did try calling but the only number I have for her is her office number; It was well after closing time when the panic attack came on. I've thought about asking for an "after hours" number that I could get in contact with her but I thought that might be inapropriate as she has not offered anything like that.

I did have some notes and some handouts she gave me that help remind me of what to do when these types of emotions and feelings come up, but, even though they often help me, they didn't seem to help me in this particular attack. It was a very intense one.

However, I did journal about everything I was feeling and how intense it was so that we can discuss it in our next session. I've realized how important it is to document it when these things happen. It's also one of the reasons I started actually talking on this forum.

I was actually thinking about calling a crisis line but I wasn't really sure about how that worked. I have never called one before and I didn't really know what to expect. I wasn't suicidal so I didn't realize that I could still call that type of a hotline. Would it still be appropriate for me to call even though I'm not suicidal?

******

I'm glad to meet a fellow artist!

I can usually make myself start "arting" (as my sister says) but I just felt like even that was empty. I don't know how else to describe it.

I love expressing myself in really emotional pieces but I just couldn't find any meaning in my colors. You know what I mean? There were billions of colors in my digital painting pallet but, when when crisis grabs hold of me like that, they're all the same shade of gray.