[yokus]

Trying to keep all of these feelings and fears at bay is getting to be harder these days. I've been up since 3 am and feel so alone with this sometimes. I get so tired of feeling exhausted all the time. Having to watch everything I do. Knowing that there is no one here that I can talk to. Here, meaning at home. Everything is going to be ok yokus, right?
No, I'll stop the steroids and eventually have number 6 of ards. And then what? It makes me feel as though I need to DO things. Be ready. Say things while I can. Sounds pretty morbid and like a lot of self-pity. It's realism that I try to just ignore most of the time and pretend that it's not out there. It's certainly not helping the depression at all. And I want to say to my family, "listen, don't you SEE what is happening here"? Is this really what you want? Whoa, I need to get a grip only I feel like I'm just slipping into depression even more. I'm going to post this now before I change my mind again. I do answer a lot of posts but then I read what I wrote and say to myself that sounds stupid and erase it ha.

[inthedark]

(((((yokus)))))

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Yokus}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Just a hug, as I don't know what else to say to try to help you. I just hope it gets better. You are such a wonderful person. Thanks for being here.

<font color=green>"Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible" Carl Jung</font color=green>

[SeptemberMorn]

<center>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Yokus}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</center>

Yokus, I've had the same thoughts and feelings, but I haven't had an illness that makes it real. The reality must be extremely tough to face!

I've even planned out my own funeral until I realized that I was still trying to make myself heard, I was tooting my own horn. Most of all, the songs I picked and the Bible passeges I want read are an effort to reach out to those family members that have judged me unfairly and that are still blindly feeling their way through life. Sigh! I can't do it anymore in death than I can do it while I'm alive.

Then I think of a little saying that pops up now and then that goes "Live today as if it was the last day of your life." Telling people how you feel is a good start. "Get your affairs in order" isn't as morbid as it sounds. I found a certain satisfaction in it and lo and behold, some of the depression lifted.

Most of all, Yokus, talk about your fears. They only grow in dark, unspoken places. Once you put them in the light, they shrink to a more managable size.



He's making a list and checking it twice...

[Duchess]

Hay Yokus,
Hoping today is better then yesterday..
I found it to be very releaving to express myself here.
at times I still feel I don't belong or am too scared of what other people might be thinking, but no one can stop me so I continue to say what I feel b/c that's what makes me feel good and that's what I'm out to accomplish my own healing... NO ONE CAN STOP ME..

ABOUT THE NINTH HOUR JESUS CRIED OUT IN A LOAD VOICE, "ELOI,ELOI, LAMA SABACHTHANI?"~WHICH MEANS~"MY GOD, MY GOD,WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?"
~MATTHEW27:46.
MY GOD,MY GOD WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME?WHY ARE YOU SO FAR FROM SAVING ME,SO FAR FROM THE WORDS OF MY GROANING?~ PSALM 22:1

[forgoten]

I wish I could found some good words to help you but i'm too much in darkness right now. But I like you a lot and I hope you will feel better soon.

(((((((((((((((((((((Yokus)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

forgoten