[missdell]

my family never tried fitting in and told me to be independent, this cause me to feel too anxious of people to have friends, they also deprived my of social skills as a young kid when i got abuse from my sister and suffered in silence and cut off

i feel i have to get away from them, even though they care in their own way but dont know how to raise me properly. i want to change, but not lose them. can this really be done?

[darkenedsky]

Well, it depends on your life situation right now.

If you are old enough to go to college, you can choose to move into a dorm @ the school, therefore you would have more contact w/your peers & less contact w/family.

Similarly, if you are old enough & have the resources to get your own apartment, you could try that.

If you are still living w/your parents maybe ask if you can live w/a different relative, save up money so that you can go to a long summer camp away from them, volunteer somewhere after school or get an afterschool job (which will help you learn to socialize better & get you out of the house more).

You wouldn't be losing them if you did any of these activities, you would just be out & about & not in the same negative atmosphere day after day.

[TerryL]

Originally Posted by missdell

i feel i have to get away from them, even though they care in their own way but dont know how to raise me properly. i want to change, but not lose them. can this really be done?

I think so. Life doesn't have to be all or nothing. It's good that you want to change things. I know being depressed makes it hard to take that first step but I hope you will think of a way. I wish you all the best.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

This is a really difficult situation. Some people have to get away from toxic family and never see them again, but I wonder what payment that extracts emotionally, there must be some.

[kaliope]

yes, i escaped my family when i was 21. picked up and left the state. I would go visit now and then. get together for christmas or other holidays. my family was very abusive and toxic. I have ptsd from childhood abuse. it took getting away from them to heal. The thing now is, I can pick and choose the contact I have with them. They do not rule my life anymore. I can decide if i answer phone calls. I can decide if i want to attend family events. It is all up to me. To heal, I had to remove myself from the role I played in that family. I had to no longer buy into the guilt and shame of not fulfilling that role. I had to live independent of them and build new relationships based on my choosing and definition. Based on health, not the toxicity I grew up with. Either they fell in place with the newly defined roles in my life or I dont play with them. My mental health comes first.