[doggiedo]

I feel like I have the same post over and over again....but I'm sorry.

I'm having such a horrible day. It started out okay, but it quickly went downhill. I had an okay Easter. My mom put a message on my FB that was supposed to be nice, but it a little offensive. I know that wasn't how she intended, but it kinda set me off. I dealt with it by eating an entire bag of Peppermit Patties. It just made me feel worse.

I hate myself. I hate who I am, what I have become, and what my life means. It means nothing.

I struggle with self harm every day lately, and I don't know why. I just loathe myself. I sometimes feel like it would be better if I weren't here. I know my parents would miss me, but who else would? I feel like I have no purpose. It's 8:06 and I'm heading to bed. God, I dread work tomorrow.

[carrie_ann]

sorry you feel so down, hope you feel better soon

[Briester]

I've felt the same as you many many times in the past and continue to have to try to resist falling into these moods. The self-harm will accomplish nothing so number 1, just don't do it. There's a reason your mind has not carried through with it yet so listen to it and stop. Self-hating and loathing is more difficult to stop because you don't have to transfer it to a motor function as it's just "in there" in the mind.

The best thing to do is talk to someone about what you're feeling. Maybe they'd think that drugs would help and maybe they'd just suggest talk therapy or even a combination. I'm on the combination method and from my own experience it HAS gotten better after the meds were sorted out and find got the right ones keeping it all in check.

Try to see a professional and listen to others who'll surely post after me. Many MANY of us have been there and gotten through it!

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((((doggiedo)))))))))))))))

You can post here as much as you want, whenever you feel down
i know how it feel to hate one self so much , i'll love you until you can love you

[Suki22]

I'd miss you, Doggiedo! I'm glad you're here!

I know what you mean about feeling like you're posting the same thing over and over. I do/feel the same sometimes, but that's what the forum's here for!

xoxo

[doggiedo]

Thank you all for the support. I did speak with my counselor last night - we have more appointments set up and she also suggested that it's probably chemical and that I should talk with my doc about going back on medicine. Idk.

I actually started crying at work yesterday.I'm a mess.

[rj29]

I feel for you so much. I also understand the hoplessness, emptiness and the struggle against self harm. In no way am I an expect on the matter, but I have found it to be like an addiction. But like most addictions, once you start, you rely on it more and it only ends up leaving you more hollow inside.
Im am pleased that you have spoken to your councillor. Best of luck doggiedo. I hope you are able to find some peace

[doggiedo]

Thank you guys. I saw my counselor this week. She suggested I talk to the doc about going back on the medicine and also continue to seeing her. She truely believes this is one of those biological things rather than some incident or issue in my life causing the depression.

I FaceTime talked with my boyfriend tonight and I had to cover my face - I look disgusting and am so distracted by my face when I should be seeing him - which is the whole point of FaceTime.

I have not self harmed and remind myself that that action isn't going to make things better. I don't think purpose behind my self harm would be to make me feel better, but more as a punishment b/c I'm so ugly and hate myself so much...