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Old May 02, 2012, 10:05 PM
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KellyJo KellyJo is offline
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Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 49
I was doing well for a while but I can feel these bad thoughts creeping up on me again. sigggh. where to begin.

-I feel like everything is falling apart and I don't know why.

-sooo many things on my mind at the moment. not only is my work going out of business and I have to find a new job but school is overwhelming at the moment. I can't seem to do anything right when it comes to friends and family either. Its like im surrounded by this cloud of continuous drama and stress. Im blinded by it and I can't get out.

-I've come to find that I hate myself too. I feel like nothing I do is right. I don't want to get up in the morning. I don't want to go to class. I don't want to work. I don' want to go out. I don't want to talk. Hell, I can't even find it in me to get help outside of the internet. ( why is it sooo hard for me to talk to someone??? to just open my mouth and say something! but I feel like I physically can't. It makes no sense to me.)

-I hate the way I look. I hate the way I act. I hate the way I shut everyone off and lock my feelings inside. I hate that im afraid of opening up. I hate that i'm sooo self conscious. I hate that I always feel inferior to others. I hate how I always feel guilty. I hate looking in the mirror and all I see anymore is how i'm not worth much.

Not really much point to this but these are all thoughts that have been running through my head (REPEATEDLY) and I had to get them out somewhere. sorry for the never ending venting.
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  #2  
Old May 03, 2012, 09:11 PM
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dailyhealing dailyhealing is offline
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Thanks so much for posting this KJ! But I'm so sorry you are having a hard time. I really understand that self hate. It is no fun, and it sounds like you are depressed. I know it doesn't take away those bad feelings, but for what it is worth I find you to be a very kind and caring person through your posts on here! I also understand that it is really hard at any age, and especially as a teen I think, to reach out and get help in real life! I hope you will be patient and kind with yourself, I trust it will happen in time. Take good care KJ!
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"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller
Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan
“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
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Thanks for this!
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  #3  
Old May 05, 2012, 01:04 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Hello, KellyJo! How are you doing now?
Quote:
Originally Posted by KellyJo View Post
...these are all thoughts that have been running through my head (REPEATEDLY) and I had to get them out somewhere. sorry for the never ending venting.
That was hardly "never ending venting." Please, if you have more to say and the energy to say it, then do so.
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  #4  
Old Jun 16, 2012, 09:57 PM
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KellyJo KellyJo is offline
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Member Since: Mar 2012
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 49
Rohag- sorry its taken a while to respond. Its definately better at the moment, thanks for asking. the last few weeks haven't been so hard. I think school ending and the start of summer have helped alot. The stress level has deeefinately gone down because of that. But I can't really seem to get around the self hate thing. at times its definately alot more prominent than others but I just don't know how to get past that
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"If love was a raindrop, i'd send you a shower. If a hug was a second, I’d send you an hour. If a smile was water I’d send you the sea. If you needed a friend, I’d send you me"
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Thanks for this!
dailyhealing
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