[doggiedo]

I need some support, more than ever.

I'm planning to go out to dinner with my mom tonight and I could use some help. Seesh, I wish I just had someone to lean on.

And this weekend I'm going camping with my boyfriend and his 2 teenage kids - it's supposed to rain all day on Fri and Sat, and we have the kids through Sun. I also haev 2 dogs and i'm not sure how they are going to handle the rain, being cold, etc.

I'm kinda stressing and not sure what to do to calm myself down and just go with the flow....

[Stoda]

At the risk of sounding preachy ... 'God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.'

I have by no means mastered this. But I guess you could say that I'm using it as my mantra at the moment.

Take some board games with you, if you can. Teens will sneer at board games, but they will secretly love them.

The dogs will probably be fine. As long as they are with their owner, they will adapt. That's my expierence with dogs anyways.

Good Luck and let us know how it goes.

[doggiedo]

Thanks. That quote is appropriate and true, I just wish i could believe it. The idea of games is great- I actually picked up a card game (phase-10) that thy play with their dad all the time. I also got a puzzle, which I know they'll like too, since they did one the last time we went.

For some reason I just feel like my anxiety level is at an 8 or 9 and I don't know why!

I'm also afraid that my dogs will be cold and wet- they are only 20lbs each! Bring the doggie beds for inside the tent and the coats invade it gets cold?

Thanks for listening...

[jaxter23]

I'm not sure where you live, but where I live they said it was supposed to rain the last 2 days and we haven't seen a drop! I would honestly just take a deep breath and try to do something you love to calm yourself down. Maybe take your dogs for a walk? If it does rain this weekend, everything will be fine. A little bit of rain never hurt anyone. I understand its more stressful when you are dealing with teenagers and dogs who might not enjoy the rain, but its a part of life that you can't control. I know its easier said than done, but try not to worry about it until it actually comes up. Maybe think about some alternative plans to do with everyone if it does end up raining. That way you are prepared. You can do it!!!

[lynn09]

Good advice, Stoda.

doggiedo, the feelings you are describing about these upcoming events sound a lot like anticipatory performance anxiety - stage fright. In other words, that the spotlight is going to be focused on you by others for the purpose of judging you.

Basically, most of us with anxiety feel we are being judged in just about every situation - feel very exposed and vulnerable. It's our self-doubts, usually instilled early on by hypercritical, judgmental parents and others who teach us to judge ourselves too harshly, that we fear will take center stage - all our secret flaws and failings on display.

We learn to judge ourselves according to what we see in the "psyche mirror" - how we think others are "seeing" us - what we interpret in their eyes as the reflection of who we are. Sometimes, you have to overcompensate a bit to break that mindset - have to move your perspective almost to the opposite pole so that you are focused mainly on those around you. Learn to use your anxiety as a means of recognizing it in others, empathizing with them, helping them to be more comfortable and relaxed so they don't feel like they're under the microscope.

Realize that most human beings suffer from this anxiety to some degree - especially kids - especially teens. Look into their faces and eyes - do you recognize that look? Perhaps that look that isn't judging you, but is afraid that you are judging them? Are others hiding their anxiety and vulnerability behind a facade of bravado, indifference, hostility? You are already skilled at this since you have dogs - you know that you can interpret their feelings and needs on an empathetic level without the use of language.

This is the power of empathy - that our own needs teach and tell us what others feel, fear, need - and when we are able to give others what they need to alleviate their similar discomforts, we obtain power over our own.

Enjoy your weekend. lynn09

[doggiedo]

Thx so much for ur support. I appreciate it more than u know. So the weekend is going well so far. I played a game with the kids last night and my bf got called in to work for an emergency - cop.he came back as soon as he could. Anyhow we were going to have my parents up from an hour and a half away and his mom over so they could meet over the campfire. His mom got all upset and talked out being embarrassed about the way r looks and her missing tooth, etc. she ended up going home before my parents even got there bc she had so much anxiety. So my parents drive up and came to he campground and my bf was gone bc he had to drive her back home. It was embarrassing and I felt horrible that my parents came all that way. My bf got back an hour into the visit and was in a crappy mood bc his mom basically blew it. I feel like really bad for my parents...and I feel like I screwed up. I feel like my weekend is ruined and I should just go home. I don't even want to be here anymore....I am a horrible daughter.

[bohogypsy]

Sorry to hear that things didn't go as planned. It must have been a frustrating situation for all. For your bf's mother because she had anxiety about her looks (self-image issues), for your bf because he probably wished his mother would have stayed and was frustrated/disappointed as a result, for you because you were left behind to explain things to your parents re. why no-one was there and it looks like that caused you some anxiety, and perhaps for your parents because they were looking forward to meeting everyone (although I am sure they were happy to see you!). I'm sure you apologised... how did they respond? And I don't think you screwed up...what happened is a bummer, but you can't really control how others react only how you react. So don't beat yourself up too much about it. How do you think you could have handled the situation better? what expectations weren't met? what was out of your control and what is in your control? Big hugs to you, it'll be okay!

[doggiedo]

Thx. I feel like I do need a hug. I just wish his mom wasn't so dramatic about t. And I hope my parents -as much as they say they aren't - offended by her rudeness. I wish they know how much I appreciate them making the trip up. I wish It had been better for them.

[doggiedo]

I just wanna go home

[Stoda]

How much longer will it last?