[redenz91]

Went to church today and could not wait for it to be over.... Got no sleep last night this is too much.

I am trying to stay positive, and I just cant get to a point where I feel ok. There is always a lump in my chest, tears ready to fall, words that cant come out right... I am a mess.

I scarifice so much for my siblings now they are all grown and moving on with life and I am stuck. Gave all my user names and passwords, banking info etc to one sister just in case I cant make it back from the low....

I cannot see anything good to come... I will say to myself tmr it will be better.... Yet tmr comes and its just as pissy and the day before... Wishing that I did not ruin so many friendships now I am all alone then again.... I would have lied and faked the funk ... With so call friends... I know how to care for others and cant figure out how to care for me...

It sucks being lonely....

I am so gratful for this site.... I lurk around and read it keeps me in the now.... I take advice given to others that I can identify with and apply it...

Wish I could smoke a cig but it adds to my aniexty... Weed would be nice but I might have another episode.... Ughhhhhhhhhhhh.

Sigh

[DianaCW91]

I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time.. I've been there... times when I though the dark, down times would swallow me and I would be stuck there forever. But you are not alone here

Sorry I'm new here myself so I am not familiar with everyone's story yet so forgive me if you have already answered or explained this but do you have a T you can talk to or even your family doctor?

I know smoking (anything) is not the answer (I tried alcohol) they only mask the symptoms (and not for very long) and then you have new issues.

[redenz91]

Thanks for your response Diana. I dont have medical benefits
And cant afford a T so its been extra tough.

I am trying to write a grateful list something...anything to stay afloat.
I feel like everything is in slow motion...
The world is moving on and leaving me behind...

Smoking will just be a temp fix will major secondary problems

[Briester]

Well said Diana and welcome both of you to PC forums. There are many caring people here going through similar and different issues and problems. (including myself)

Redenz, have you tried contacting mental health services in the county you live in? They usually have free or subsidized scaled costs. Also you can try some of the depression workbooks and they should have something like that in your local library so you could avoid the expense that way too.

After many MANY years of suffering both severe major depressive disorder, anxiety, AND childhood and adult ADHD I finally sought treatment. It's helping though it took about a year and a half of trying diff. med combinations and then seeing a T to help address some of the issues but 2 years cannot erase the accumulation and buildup of 30 years unfortunately. Try to stay strong and realize there WILL be ups and downs (today's a down day for me) but keep trying.

I'm here if you or anyone reading this needs or wants to talk or a virtual shoulder to cry on!