[penguinsing]

(it's a bit long, but I tried my best to make is easy to read. It may be easier to read the summary first and extend to the other details )

(summary)
I feel very lonely, and this feeling is eating me painfully.

Depression ←→ loneliness, how they link, relate, cause each other, vice versa,.... etc etc...., that's another subject, for NOW, i want to focus on how to DEAL with loneliness.

A little on my background:
*I have depression, is taking meds (free). No money to see counselling coz I have been out of jobs.

*I am very lack of motivation and energy. (even I don’t want to be lack of motivation and energy. I even mad at myself for not able to keep myself clean. I just don’t go out when I have not clean myself).

*I can get depress by small things. Little things can affect me and then will go down into deep depression and can take a long time to be okay again. I am trying to feeling okay usually. Feeling okay is already good for me. (I don't want to let things affect me and get depress, what can I do ? )

*I tried not get to more depress than that. If 5 is fine and 1 is very depress, I think I am2.5 (or 2) and is trying hard to keep myself at 2.5 and not get any lower.

*I mostly stay at home. I volunteer every Thursday.

*I live with my family, but I don't have a good relationshipwith them. I tried not to communicate with them so much, coz it often cause me feel depress. Coz they don't really listen to me when I am talking. They will change topic, not listen or talk while I am talking. But when they talk me to, they force me to talk to them. I am the black sheep in the family.

*I don't go to church. I did that, didn't work out (not the matter of faith but problem socialing people in the church)

*And have no friends. I have a long time friend but she is oversea, but she is very busy and rarely have time to email me. / There was a casual friend I used to hang out with her once a while, I gotta say it makes me feel better to have some casual interact and chit chat. But she moved to another cities. (lack opportunity and weak economy in my city =.= )

*Like I say do volunteer every Thursday. But I have hard time interacting with people there. I dunno what to say. I still go, so I don’t get totally disconnected to the world, and it won’t look more worse on my resume.

*There’s not much hobby or interest group in my city. I tried, but … e.g. I am not interested in sports. Scrapbooking, it’s expensive, I don’t have to money to do that.

(summary)

Please give me some suggestion:

*How can I live peacefully with loneliness, and not have it eating me and biting me painfully every second ? (it's effecting my motivation badly)

*How can I learn to be alone and still feeling okay?

*What can I do to ease the loneliness? (sth to do by myself, something I have better control of instead of depending on others) And it’s not like I can suddenly have friends to hang out with. (I don't think it's a good idea to have expectation on people. And isn't it what many said too. )

*I tried reading, it works a for a while, but now it's failing….

*lonely ←→ depress ←→ lack of motivation & energy，what can I do ?

I am really writing what exactly is it the situation I am in. I did tried many methods, that I can think of, before and now.

Thank you for reading.

[Marla500]

hello, penguinsing! keep posting of course and is it possible for you to have a pet to care for? that might help until you are able to make more friends

[dailyhealing]

I don't know you well, but if you don't have a good relationship with your family and you live with them this could be making things difficult for you. I know I struggle with being around my family even for short periods of time. I'm not sure if that is something that you can change right now though...

I think humans have a need for social interaction, some more than others. I have a great need for it, I struggle if I spend too much time alone. Are there support groups where you live? And while we do need to learn to love ourselves, I also think the support and friendship of others is important also. I hope you keep posting and that in time you will begin to find the connections in life it sounds like you are looking for.

[Bmee2]

Penguinsing, i am sorry you are so depressed.
i struggle with depression and showering...etc. One thing that has helped me the most is focusing on what i can do. On days i am unable to get it together enough to shower and dress for the day...i focus on what i can do that day. i can post a message here on PC like you did. i can watch a movie. i can sleep. You might plan to do something extra on Thursday...go to a bookstore and wonder around for 15 minutes. you do not have to buy anything...just putter around. i have gone to bookstores and free library bookstore where books cost fifty cents because the library has to get rid of some of their books. Lots of times i have trouble concentrating so i just look through the pages. i do not have a lot of money to spend so i try to find things that are not expensive. i do not have any pals to hang out with either...but playing a game on-line can be a way to make some friends...you know...word games like scrabble....hidden picture games, Pogo has free games to play...you might check that out. Pogo also has a club membership that cost money, but i just play the free games when i am in the mood. i wish you had a pet...pets help with loneliness plus cause people to interact with you. i am unable to have a pet...but i talk to the pets that happen past me when i am out and about. You also might check out some of the Chat that occur here on PC. You do not always have to talk...but you might make a friend or two...then you can write to each other and stuff like that.
i rambled on a bit too much, i apologize. i hope something i suggested helps you.
Take care

[penguinsing]

I have a pet bird, but still I feel lonely. I don't walk my pet bird, so I cannot interact with people this way, if you mean by walking the dog and talking to people on the street.

I don't have the money to move out.

I have problem showering too. So yes, thursday I try to do more than one thing, after volunteer I would do grocery.

Yes, I have problem making friends or have connection with people.

[coneyislandbaby]

I don't know how old you are, and I hope this doesn't sound insensitive, but if you're in your teens or 20's I can make a suggestion that may help. When you're out with people or in a social situation, put on an act. I don't mean don't be yourself, but pretend you are happy. Don't focus on how depressed and lonely you are, because people see right through that. Pretend you're someone else. Talk about your hobbies, whatever viral video is out there, music, food, weather, whatever. Ask people bout themselves. Focus more on your interest in others. Even if it's a little phony at first, it will do wonders. And after a while socializing will come naturally and little by little you'll find yourself surrounded by friends. And give people a chance, friendships don't form overnight. Be casual and let things run their natural course.

This is 32 years of experience speaking. I had no friends in high school and barely in college. It took me forever, but I finally learned. Its more difficult for some of us. But it's not impossible. Fake it til you make it, I say. Hang in there.

[penguinsing]

Originally Posted by Bmee2

Penguinsing, i am sorry you are so depressed.
i struggle with depression and showering...etc. One thing that has helped me the most is focusing on what i can do. On days i am unable to get it together enough to shower and dress for the day...i focus on what i can do that day. i can post a message here on PC like you did. i can watch a movie. i can sleep. You might plan to do something extra on Thursday...go to a bookstore and wonder around for 15 minutes. you do not have to buy anything...just putter around. i have gone to bookstores and free library bookstore where books cost fifty cents because the library has to get rid of some of their books. Lots of times i have trouble concentrating so i just look through the pages. i do not have a lot of money to spend so i try to find things that are not expensive. i do not have any pals to hang out with either...but playing a game on-line can be a way to make some friends...you know...word games like scrabble....hidden picture games, Pogo has free games to play...you might check that out. Pogo also has a club membership that cost money, but i just play the free games when i am in the mood. i wish you had a pet...pets help with loneliness plus cause people to interact with you. i am unable to have a pet...but i talk to the pets that happen past me when i am out and about. You also might check out some of the Chat that occur here on PC. You do not always have to talk...but you might make a friend or two...then you can write to each other and stuff like that.
i rambled on a bit too much, i apologize. i hope something i suggested helps you.
Take care

No need to apologize. And you didn't speak too much. Don't worry.

addition: if you read my first post, I mention I have shower problem too. And just like now, esp yesterday night and tonight. Lots happened, very stunning and tough and painful. It affect me, I feel so low motivated and depress, I have hard time doing my goal, include showering.

(notice to all: I do shower before I went out and to see anyone.)

[shipping]

Do you have a therapist?
I moved out from my family when they were mean to me even though I had no money. Hitchhiked and lived in abandoned houses. Draw good people to yourself.

[Rose76]

(((penguinsing)))

I think you have done something very smart. You have figured out that loneliness is a major factor in you being depressed.

I think that gets overlooked way too much, even by therapists and psychiatrists and regular docs and everyone. Like "dailyhealing" said, "humans have a need for social interaction."

I am lonely, too, due to a problem since childhood. Unfortunately, I don't think you or I will be able to have too much contentment in this life, until we figure out how to break out of our shells. Maybe, you can figure out a way to live peacefully with solitude - but I don't think anyone can be lonely and not be in pain.

That's good that you do the volunteer work every Thursday. That is more than I am doing. Keep doing it, or something like that. You will learn something about people doing that.

That is what I think the problem is. We just never learned how to be social. Learning something that you don't know how to do is difficult and risky. There is the big problem. There is the risk of saying the wrong thing, or being awkward, and getting rejected, or feeling like you are not really wanted. That's how it is for me.

I think I have to accept that there will be rejections and that I will not die from being rejected. You won't either. I think we can't really connect with others, until we are willing to face the possibility of pain and rejection. Like - in learning to walk, the child must fall down a lot of times. That is how learning is done.

It is hard to believe that it is all worth the trouble. That is my problem. I don't want to stay as I am, so I must make the effort, or nothing will change.

Like I said at the start - I think you made the right connection: You are depressed because you are lonely. That's my story too.

[penguinsing]

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