Alone too much.

(((((Rose)))))

Just to let you know that you are not alone. I am very lonely also and don't know what to do about it. I live with my elderly dad and the only people I see are him and my sister who lives nearby. If I did not have my dog and cat I would feel totally alone.

Thank you, MissCath --

When I had my job, it wasn't so bad. I kept getting depressed, but I kept getting better. Up and down and up and down. At least there were up times, and they kept coming around. Now they are few and far between. And the downs are awful down.

I am either alone, or with my elderly significant other. He was grumpy even when he was relatively young, but now he gets so annoyed with me so often. I know I am not the pleasantest company for him, either. I am his caretaker, when he needs that, which isn't every day, so I can get away from him. At times, it's a comfort to be near him. Other times, it isn't.

Are the SSDI doctor appointments over? Can you now look into that group you were thinking about? I know it is no easy fix but it is a place away from your apartment that you will need to go to, x number of days a week. I'm finding the thing I like best about group is that the don't live near me, so my weekends are totally mine. This group actually forbids members from talking outside group. Many reasons, some pro, some con. Hang in there. This is the longest depression I've have too, feel on edge with it.

Yes, the 3 SSDI doctor appointments are over. And I can look into that group next Tuesday. I just hope it's worth the gas it takes to get there and back, and the aggravation of going out into our scorching heat. Suppose there is only one way to know and that is to go - at least once. Thank you for reminding me.

I actually had a good day yesterday. Out of the blue. (?) I've learned not to regard these occasional good days as the breakthroughs they used to be.

I hope your long depression eases up. Thanks for the post.

Me too, I take the good days as they come, but have stopped expecting them to turn into a **** Van Dike( or any WD movie) move where things get better than better. But I still like his movies though! Chitty chitty bang bang, anyone? Bed-knobs and Broomsticks? I do like the old movies with-out guns, violence, and sex. Guess it's just one more way for me to escape the reality.

Gee I didn't know his name was a cuss word now!! I'm sure you know who I mean though.

sidestepper - Thanks

Yeah, I think reality can get overrated. It's something you really got to get away from a certain % of the time. That's why humans evolved the imagination to be able to do that. It helps us survive psychologically.

So I take it you're not into these chainsaw massacre movies. What is with real young people being so into that stuff? A few years ago, I worked in a real small town, out in the middle of nowhere. They had like one video store. Inside it was packed with these horror things, often seeming to involve chainsaws. Apparently, I gather, that's what kids like today ????? It must be a sub-population, but a good sized one.

Nope, You can not give me those chainsaw movies free. ""Shudder"". Love "Avatar" and the Golden Campus etc. though they had some violence but the end message is pretty much Woodstock. It amazes me that those movies are at the 1/2 price move store already and so marked down. Of course if you want the 3D version then you'll still pay As if I have a 3D TV and DVD. Still I love the 1/2 price book store, I know people swear by Amazon, but I like stores I can browse in, where I know the people, I can sit peruse the books, sip water or coffee if you drink it. The atmosphere is so much better. Strange, I'm shy, but in places like that I'm at home.

Sidestepper - Oh, so you didn't self-censor on that first name. LOL. Good Heavens. My first grade reading book was full of that word. It was such an innocent time compared to now. I wish the world hadn't changed so much. I know the PC site does what it does for the welfare of all. Some outcomes are laughable, though. Yes I remember Richard Van Dike and his brother too and Mary Tyler Moore. Richard and Mary did seem to live in a universe without really tough problems.

You've given me an idea. I should go and browse more, especially at bookstores. They all have reduced price sections. And a cup of coffee or tea wouldn't make or break my budget. Like you, I am shy, but much better in certain contexts.

Thanks for checking back. You've given me much support. It is appreciated. (((HUGS)))

My S.O. has gone off thousands of miles to visit his family. I am going to be alone for weeks. I thought it was going to be a good chance for me to get some things done.

He just left yesterday, and I am coming unglued. Maybe I'ld be just as much a wreck if he were here. I am having some pain issues. I feel awful alone. I am scared. I am very despondent.

I'm in bad shape mentally.

Hi Rose, you have given plenty of kind words to me, and many others in the short time that I've been here on this forum...so here are some kind words in return. Though you are alone physically, you are not falling apart. Even when others are around us, that demon depression has a way of ruining everything - takes away any good feelings, and just stomps on our attempts to get up and feel remotely good. That's where the support of this community comes in for me, and hopefully for you too. I've been in a really low spot for quite some time now. But each time that I put some questions out there for people, I am greeted with responses that are so comforting and positive. We are or have been "there" and we know what to do in a crisis...otherwise we wouldn't be here collaborating with each other on how to feel even a bit better.

I do hope that you feel good, even for a minute...and like others have said to me, one day at a time...

regretful - Thank you. I am having horrible anxiety. My neck and upper back have been sore for a full week now. This soreness has come and gone before. I'm fearful that it won't go away this time. Sooner or later, aches associated with chronic degenerative change start to not go away.

Besides the soreness, I have numbness and tingling in the fingers of both my hands. It is scaring me. None of these symptoms are new. Well - the tingling was only in my left hand until today.

I think about how alone I am and I get scared. If I was to ever get seriously sick, I don't have anyone to help me. When my boyfriend got sick a number of times quite seriously, I was always there for him. He got an awful lot of care taking from me. But there is no one to do that for me. It scares me. It is awful to get older alone.

I come to PC sometimes to feel less alone. Sometimes it helps.

Rose - have you considered acupuncture? Not sure if insurance covers that though...

TerryL - Thanks for the suggestion. I don't want to disparage any form of help because I think there is always someone for who any type of help works. It so happens that I am so skeptical of any alternative forms of treatment for myself that I don't think there is much of a chance. I just don't believe in things like acupuncture. (for me) If someone says it helps them, then I believe it is good for them.

Maybe that is because of my training as a nurse. Then, again, there are lots and lots of nurses who believe in all kinds of alternative medicine.

I am very secluded from normal human contact. I've been that way all my life. I think I am alone to a degree that is just not healthy. I am more alone now than when I was younger. I think the only remedy is for me to be willing to come out of my shell. I don't think there is anything that can make an unhealthy degree of aloneness okay . . . for anyone. My S.O. has been gone for a week and will be gone out of town for another two weeks. That is part of what is hard on me at the moment.

I understand Rose. No problem. To each his own. I have never tried acupuncture myself and have always thought its effects were only temporary myself but was just trying to think outside the box.

As for being alone, it is hard to come out of one's shell when one is depressed...

I do hope that today is a bit better for you Rose, and I do hope that there is someone you can reach out to for care, even if it is just PC. Wishing you a better day.

Let's take a closer look at what you've written here, okay? Perhaps we can find a new way of looking at things. So, someone has told you that you can ask about getting a referral to attend Group Therapy, right?
That would seem like an interesting piece of info, in fact if you really think about it, that sort of news could be considered downright exciting even.

Just think of some of the new possibilities that could occur !!! During the time that you spent in Group Therapy, you wouldn't be so physically alone anymore. Plus, you would be socializing again, which you admit that you need to do.

I can understand, and most certainly empathize with any fears and misgivings that you may have regarding attending Group Therapy. To begin with, you have to ask for a referral, which, to me, is very much like having to ask permission to do something.

Having to do this often conjures up all sorts of past bad memories for me. I was so extremelyshy growing up, that, to have anyone pay undue attention towards me, would often cause me to just "shut down," I'd run away from the situation usually bawling my eyes out Guys ain't supposed to cry, so I was bullied, and beat-up a lot too. All of that was the past however, I now consider myself to be a survivor and NOT a victim, anymore.

Okay, I am sooo embarrassed right now that I want to . I realized that I am replying to something you had posted over a month ago. Guess I should win a trophy for not paying attention, huh? Well, it certainly aint the first time, and it prolly won't be the last time. please forgive me?

I found an interesting article right here on PC that may be of interest to you. I liked it enough to save it to my files.
Are You Lonely?

By Mary Ellen Copeland, Ph.D.

Many years ago, when I was a young adolescent, an adult in my life said that she dreamed about a great chasm, a chasm so deep that she couldn’t see to the bottom of it, with sheer rock cliffs on either side. She was alone on one side of the chasm, looking to the other side. On that other side, people were talking to one another, laughing and appearing to have a good time. She felt totally excluded and felt that there was no way to get to the other side of the chasm.

This vision has stayed with me through my life. There have been many times when I felt like I was on one side of a chasm looking across to a place where everyone else was having a good time. For me it was a very clear description of loneliness.
My studies, and my years of work in the mental health field, have convinced me that loneliness is a key factor in all kinds of mental and emotional distress. In addition, I have found that the incidence of loneliness in this country, and perhaps in the world, is at pandemic proportions. The value of meaningful interpersonal connection in our society is often minimized.
The frenetic pace of modern society and the need to be very financially successful to “just get by ” seems to have eclipsed the importance of having good people in our lives who affirm and support us. Many of us have little or no contact with family members or neighbors. Our work situations may increase our loneliness. Some people say they have forgotten how to connect with others, or perhaps they never learned. I feel so strongly about this topic that I wrote a book about it, The Loneliness Workbook (Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, 2000). This column will help you to think about loneliness in your life and give you some ideas on how to relieve it.
What Is Loneliness?

There are many descriptions of loneliness. They often contain words that describe feelings like despair, emptiness, hopeless and longing. Which one of the following descriptions of loneliness feels right to you?

• A feeling of having no common bond with the people around you
• Feeling disconnected from others
• Feeling sad because there is no one else available to be with you
• Feeling uncomfortable being by yourself
• Feeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about you
• Being without friends or a companion
• Feeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with you
• Feeling abandoned
• Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
• Feeling left out
• Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself

You may want to write your own definition of what loneliness means to you.
What Would It Feel Like If You Were Not Lonely?

To begin changing any situation or circumstance in your life that is troubling to you, it helps to envision what your life would be like if you accomplished this change. For instance, a woman with a disability who felt lonely and disconnected from others said, “If I had several friends, we could call each other and chat. I could share with them how I ‘really feel,’ about the sadness of having a disability, about the excitement of developing a new career, and about my separation from my family. They could stop by and visit with me. Perhaps they could even take me out from time to time.”
Not feeling lonely may mean that you have a sense of balance in your life between being with others and being alone, and that you feel loved and cared about. This connection is so strong that, even when you are by yourself, you feel bonded to someone, that others are there and will be there in spirit if not in person for you always. You have true friends and close family and the security of having someone there for you when you need them.