[lonelyone]

Maybe it's because of the holidays, but I've been feeling bummed out lately. My kids are 11 and 13 and I am starting to feel so old. Christmas doesn't bring the joy it used to for me. Buying them toys, decorating the house, baking. We baked cookies yesterday so I'm happy about that.

But I was thinking, we didn't have anyone over last christmas to see the house. This year so far, same thing. My husband and I really don't have any friends anymore. We used to get christmas cards, I sent out a whole box and just got back 2 so far (from our mothers). There's a neighborhood open house this year like last year, but when I go to a party, I have nothing to talk about. I talk for a little while, but then my brain dries up and there's nothing left to say. I just want to leave after 5-10 minutes.

I have no extended family anymore. My mom moved to Florida this year and my sister lives in another state. My husband has family but they're not considered friends or anything.

I had a terrible thought last night while I lay in bed. IN a few years I may be all alone on the holidays. I'm thinking about divorcing for financial reasons (husband can't pay income taxes). If my kids move away when they're older, I may be all alone and it's so frightening. They're all I got. The other day I got angry with them caause they never help out around the house and I told them I couldn't wait till this grew up and got out of my house. I feel so horrible. But I feel like an unpaid servant.

I know there's nothing you guys can do for me but I just wanted to type out my feelings here.

Thank you for reading this lengthy message.

[yellowrose]

Lonelyone,
It very well may be depression or it could be just the beginning. I am glad you posted you thoughts and feelings because getting them outside of you is the first step to sorting through them.
I have a husband and 2 boys (7 and 10). My husband is an only child and his mother is 78 and in a nursing home, his dad is 80 and is still functional but getting very tired. He has on aunt that is 83 and unable to drive herself anywhere due to poor eyesight. That is the extent of his family. It is sad and worriesome to think that soon he will have no family.
At the same time, my family lives about 3 hours away from me. My dad died almost 3 years ago and since then the family "SPUNK" went out the window. There is a great void without my dad around. So, I kind of connected with your feelings of loss and loneliness. I feel it too and I often think about what will it be like 5 years from now, 10....and so on. It is frightening to think about.
Hang tough and keep posting. You are on the right track by starting here.
HUGS!
yellowrose

[dexter]

lonelyone thank you for posting and I want to second yellowrose's comment that it might be depression in the clinical sense.

Recognizing that there is a problem and seeking solutions is the first and maybe largest step toward feeling better.

If it is clinical depression there are lots of resources available for treatment, including medication, therapy, and support (through places like this one). The next step could be to see a doctor or therapist and let them determine if you may have clinical depression requiring medical treatment. There are lots of tell-tale signs of clinical depression but only a professional can determine if that is at the root of the problem.

Even if it turns out not to be clinical depression it is clear that there are issues in your life that are causing you to be depressed. If meds aren't necessary to treat an underlying illness you can still benefit from therapy to help you deal with these things. You can learn skills to help you cope with the feelings you have and how to slowly improve your outlook on things. This is a necessary process whether or not you have an underlying illness causing your depression.

I think it is very positive that you recognize these feelings and understand that there may be help toward feeling better. For example you say you are worried about when the children move away. It could be so beneficial that you are seeking help now with this so that maybe when that time comes you will be able to feel more positive and have a better outlook toward your own future, rather than waiting until these feelings truly overwhelm you.

There is help available. Realizing that there are resources to help, as you have by coming here, is a huge step toward feeling better.

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For myself I have been feeling rather similar this holiday season. I have no family left, only my dad whom I have a very bad relationship with and must avoid dealing with for my own health. I used to enjoy the holidays immensly with my friends, but due to illness the past two years I have been unable to get out and it seems no one is willing to make the effort to visit me. I feel really alone and lonely and dealing with the season so far has been really difficult. I am just trying to get through until it ends but I already feel somewhat angry and bitter that I will have missed a whole season that I used to enjoy so much.

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-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
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