Coping with "xmas" - the sequel

I have not finished coping yet! Don't shoot the messenger!

Tis the season.

It brings out the best in us.

tra la la la la, la la la.

I braved the maddened crowd this morning and went SHOPPING! Did not buy a thing.

the only people who need a gift from me need cash. that is too easy. they can then spend it later when things go on sale.

other family memebers to whom i feel obligated get something home made by me or my wife. i do woodwork, she does stained glass. or they get a souvenier from a trip we have been on.

oops i lied. it did buy something. a raincoat for my son and a myst game for myself. forgot...

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

I like Myst. I dug out the copy of Exile that I had purchased but never played the week after I got out of the hospital.

Still unable to return to work or concentrate on anything, Exile gave me some pleasant distraction during the day, some time when I could successfully put the anxiety aside.

I purchased Uru but can't run it... my machine is set up with a high end graphics card for professional work but doesn't have the 3-D gaming features that Uru needs. I don't really want to replace my card but maybe at some point when I am back on my feet I'll put together a separate machine to play it on.

I've never really liked any video games. Only exceptions were Tempest in the arcades, the original Star Wars game in the arcades, and Myst being the only thing I ever really got into on my computer.

--The world is what we make of it--
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

You're too much Kvinneakt
It's better you got some of your shopping down now then 3 days before.
oops your bad, only a gift for your self. you deserve it!!! let us know how it is. Cash is to simple. get them gift cards. well actually now you have to be careful with those!.what's wrong with given something you or your wife personaly made yourselfs? i think I would cherish that more.
post with ya soon.

When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth & love have always won. there have been tyrants & murderers, and for a time they can be invincible, but in the end they always fall.
think of it... always.
Mohandas Gandhi...

I would be withholding to not say I am a bit upset with the previous version of this thread, but NOT the content. What bothers me is that some parental figure thought they knew better and sent the bad children to bed.

This is not Romper Room. We are NOT children! And whoever did that, don't treat us that way. Don't treat children that way either. Human beings are fully capable of learning to disagree and bicker and still respect and love one another. It is called diversity! It is a very important thing to learn to tolerate and love diversity.

This is supposed to be a therapeutic forum of some kind. Have you never been to a group therapy session? Disagreements, even bitter ones, are part of the process. You stomp on that and you stomp on the person's abiltity to express themselves, learn other's feelings and learn to find resolution. It is a healthy thing.

The truly bad, even wicked things that happen in this world are often the result of intolerance of each other's differences. You learn tolerance by embracing diversity. You don't learn tolerance by denial of difference. You learn tolerance by telling your truth and listening to the truth of others even when it seems different.

I don't know where I am going with this, so I am going to stop now.

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

Kvinn, in a perfect world, yes, things would work the way you want them to. On the previous thread, there was a gross lack of respect on two sides. It's fine to be angry, but it's not fine to censor, judge someone or to call names. They may not be children but they were acting like it.

However, I do completely understand how you feel. I've been in your shoes. Please don't take this personally.

"For unto us a Son is given..."

The mudslinging upset me greatly and when I was going to post to ask that the thread be locked... it already had been locked. Yes... we are adults. But when adults also have police and military and other forms of authority to maintain peace. Just coz we are adults doesn't mean we are always in control.

Folks,

It's very simple. We all live in a world where we have to learn to get along with others and their different points of view and opinions. Some of us do this pretty well with no guidance from others. Others see it as their place in the world to rain on other people's opinions and beliefs. Others see it as their mission to try and change everybody else's minds when they disagree.

Let me just say this. Treat each other with respect and don't disrespect other people's beliefs here or you will endanger your status here as a member of our community. This community is marked by its support and general positive attitude we all have for one another. I will not let one or two members try and bring everyone else down with their negative comments about other people's beliefs.

We will always lock threads that go awry here, it's just a way of keeping people focused and on-topic. When things get personal and people start to flame one another, that is off-topic and inappropriate for this and most online support communities.

Thank you all for your continued support and I do wish you peaceful holidays this season.

DocJohn

Big thing though is that the "dynamics" of an internet forum are very very different from the dymanics of a social group that meets in person. Possibly because of a wider diversity of people from all areas and likely because of the anonimity that the internet provides, coupled with how easy it is to misunderstand things due to a lack of facial expressions or other "body language" clues, you can't tell if someone is saying something because they are upset or agitated or sometimes that they are saying something as a joke.

Most of the message forums on the internet quickly degrade into flaming, name calling, nasty talk and accusations that are far from topic. I excuse myself quickly from those places but sometimes it seems as if that is what the people there actually enjoy. Maybe the nastiness and namecalling gives them an outlet that they can't experience in real life.

At a place like this where it is imperative that things don't degrade into long heated arguments that can only result in hurt feelings all around, I agree that it is wise to set some "limits" that migth be considered overly protective in a different environment (like a real life group).

--The world is what we make of it--
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Willow, you're right. We're not always in control, especially those of us who have issues, which most of us here do. It's just too bad that we can't keep that in mind when we read something that upsets us. I think that was one of the toughest lessons I had to learn and that was to own my personal issues and problems. I still forget it sometimes.

PS To Own: To take personal responsibility for those things that touch off our buttons and not blame someone else for it.



"For unto us a Son is given..."

Ok... back on subject!

So if I intend to not get involved in all the "materialistic" bs of "Xmas," how come I'm still stressing out about "what am I going to get _______?"

The way I feel this very minute, there's no way I could brave any crowds of any kind, much less come up with any ideas for gifts. Somehow, I'm longing for the days of meandering in the crowds of shoppers, listening to the carolers in the malls, etc... but to do it? No way, Baby! Ummmmf!

How did you do it, Kvinn? Did you say to yourself some magical words?



"For unto us a Son is given..."

Have you done any shopping on the internet?

In the past I've done a lot of my shopping at amazon.com... one or two years I did ALL of my shopping online with the exception of 2 or 3 specific gifts that I knew I wanted from the mall.

It's not as good as "browsing" a real store for gift ideas but if you know some of the things you want it can avoid the hassle of dealing with the mobs.

Of course my NEW solution this year is much better: simply be angry at EVERYONE and buy gifts for NO ONE. No guilt either since money and health is an issue this season.

--The world is what we make of it--
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

It was a bit of a mess, but I think that killing it was unnecessary. It would have found a natural resolution within a short while.

What I would have preferred was some attempt to redirect the conversation, or to point out the errors of what was going on. In other words, turn it into a learning process.

It is better to learn to have and settle differences by diplomacy than by simply destroying the opposition. Some of us here (myself at least, at age 50!) have a lot to learn about adult social skills. We would be better served in a therapeutic community to have a chance to make a mess, then clean it up. We could use some help with this. Simply gagging the participants and forbidding further dialog is not productive. The quiet is false. The underlying tensions still exist.

Or, am I misunderstanding the whole thing?

Or is this forum really just a feel-good place where one goes for "huggies"? I don't object, it is your place, but if that is all there is, I am have no further interest in staying.

<font color=blue>[b] Wherever you go, there you are[b]<font color=blue>

Those are wonderful gifts

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON