[Fuzzybear]

why I keep getting hurt by hot stoves


tired of always being "not good enough"
SICK of it

[pegasus]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

why I keep getting hurt by hot stoves


tired of always being "not good enough"
SICK of it

Keep away from hot stoves unless you really need to then wear really thick oven gloves. Always told my children not to touch the hot iron but still they wanted to see if it was hot anyway. They only did it once and learnt a lesson. Don't touch!

Good enough for what? That feeling comes from within though I know the feeling well.

Hugs ((((((((( furrypaws )))))))))))

[Puffyprue]

(((((((((((((furrypaws))))))))))))))

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

why I keep getting hurt by hot stoves


tired of always being "not good enough"
SICK of it

My depth perception isn't very good, which is why I get hurt by hot stoves (can't tell how far away I am), why I run into things, and why, every time I go to put something down, I slam it (because I think I am closer to the surface than I am).

But Fuzzybear, Fuzzy, Fuzzy, you are good enough! So am I! We are all good enough. I send you love. Courage!

[Rohag]

((((((( Furry Paws! )))))))

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear

why I keep getting hurt by hot stoves

IceCreamKid makes a valid point. There may be a good reason you keep getting hurt by hot stoves. Discovering that reason is the challenge.

"Not good enough" -- A weed with deep roots.

It's so incredibly ironic. Here, in this world of PC, you are THE Fuzzybear, the Queen of Care who is far beyond being "good enough". The smaller "real life" world around you regularly sends the message "not good enough". For me and many others here, the pairing "Fuzzybear" and "not good enough" is silly, appalling and unthinkable.

Still, that other world is throwing insults at you, and they hurt.
Thank you for bringing your hurt to us.

[roads]

Rohag speaks so well, Fuzzybear, that I'm just going to let him speak for me this time. I sure couldn't say it better.

But I will repeat, "the pairing 'Fuzzybear' and 'not good enough' is silly, appalling and unthinkable." and (((((((furry paws)))))))

Roadie

((((((Fuzzy))))))

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( everyone ))))))))))))))

Thanks so much for your kind words and for caring about me

[SoupDragon]

Hugs to you fuzzybear - Soup

[Shadow-world]

(((((Fuzzy)))))!!!!!

I know about the feeling of not being good enough. I've been battling with it more than ever for the last one and a half weeks when I got similar messages at work.

I suppose it's about not letting others define us. We might sometimes not do things to the satisfaction of certain people, but this doesn't mean that we are not good enough in general. We can't hand over power to others by letting them define us in this way. Believe me, I'm saying this at least as much to myself as to you.
I know exactly how hard it is - it's a constant battle to not give in to these thoughts.

The feeling / thought of 'not being good enough' is a killer. I - and I believe many of us, especially on this forum - have struggled with this for a long long time and it's part of the cycle of depression and anxiety. We need to tackle it full on no matter how long it takes. It becomes self-defeating in the end.

Let me hug you!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((( soup )))))))))))))

((((((((((( shadow world )))))))))))

[lynn09]

(((((SweetieFuzzy))))) You need to understand what you are really seeing and hearing in your abusers' behaviors and words. Remember,

- abusers will always define their targets as being "less than" themselves to compensate for their own FEARS that their targets are and might be perceived and valued by others as being "more than" the abusers;
- abusers will diminish and scapegoat their targets (especially those they are intimidated by) in order to elevate themselves;
- abusers establish/maintain access to their targets by preventing their targets from developing healthy boundaries of self-respect and self-esteem so they'll feel/be just as vulnerable and defenseless as their abusers;
- abusers will denounce and portray their targets to others as being "not good enough" so that others will perceive the abusers as being better than they are in comparison to their wretched, useless, unworthy targets;
- abusers will never acknowledge a target's true identity and worth because their own feelings of worthlessness threaten to consume them;
- abusers will withhold validation of their targets' worth to keep them "begging" (emotional blackmail) the same way they feel they must beg for validation from others;
- abusers always blame their targets for the abusers' bad behaviors ("If you were a better person, I could/would treat you better;" "If you were worth loving, I would be able to love you.");
- abusers are forever enslaved to "proving" their Power, Dominance, Authority, Superiority, and Control over others in order to validate their own worthiness to exist.

Abusers are hypercritical, judgmental, and incapable of loving others because they cannot love themselves, and believe that they must constantly prove themselves worthy of being loved by controlling how they are perceived by others by any means necessary (deception, manipulation, defamation, coercion, intimidation, etc.) and at any cost to anyone other than themselves. They are enslaved to their self-serving wills and intentions, and EVERYTHING is about what they/others do/do not "deserve." Love is not self-serving, but selfless - it is a gift freely given from within with no expectations and no strings attached.

Just like two objects cannot occupy the same point in space at the same point in time in this physical realm, embracing opposing philosophical concepts (love/hate, justice/injustice, etc.) creates conflict within us making us inconsistent. Whatever positive/negative philosophies we choose to embrace to define our own identities are manifested (brought into a state of being) in this physical realm through our thoughts, attitudes, words, and actions to everyone's benefit/detriment, respectively. We humans truly do reveal our identities through the philosophies we choose to "live."

Unfortunately, there really is nothing you can do to change your abusers - you have no control whatsoever over what they choose to believe, think, say, or do - you only have control over yourself - who you choose to be and how you choose to respond in any situation. As Viktor Frankl wrote, "Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Try to depersonalize what you are experiencing because, in reality, your abusers' behaviors towards you have nothing whatsoever to do with you - as always, it's all about THEM - they are revealing THEIR own sickness and damage - they are actually telling you who THEY are, not who you are. Objectify it all as much as possible so you can study them and use that knowledge to help you learn to discern what you should take into yourself - retain what is constructive and beneficial, and discard what is not. lynn09

[Shadow-world]

["Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."]

Thank you for the above post and the quote above.
I've actually written it down. I had similar conversations with people recently, as I have felt totally trapped and powerless in certain situations.

This quote by Frankl is empowering!

[Marla500]

((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))