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  #1  
Old Jun 07, 2012, 12:26 PM
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Shadow-world Shadow-world is offline
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I'm probably starting far too many threads at the moment.
I just can't maintain the better state I'd been in earlier this year.

I'm feeling so low, so desperate and so hopeless. Baby photos from others and tales about the miracle of birth still upset me and at work I don't feel valued.

Tonight I am so down that I really think that it would be better if I wasn't there any longer. I have no children or partner to leave behind so it wouldn't matter... It would just be a release from the pain.
I just don't think I can muster the courage to do something to myself because it's all so final. But I'm no good to people. I've become either a burden or am apart from close social connections.
I can't move on. I can't get out of it.

Is there any point in going on?????? I am feeling so indescribably bad. I don't know whether anyone can understand this.
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  #2  
Old Jun 07, 2012, 02:41 PM
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Dos3512 Dos3512 is offline
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Shadow-world im so sorry you are feeling this way right now. It suck i know but it will pass eventually. I hope you find yourself feeling better soon. Do you have a t or pdoc or both you can talk to about this...that might help some.
Thanks for this!
Shadow-world
  #3  
Old Jun 07, 2012, 04:51 PM
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Rohag Rohag is offline
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Yesterday was your first day back at work after your leave, yes? How many of your current feelings are fed by that environment?
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  #4  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 01:01 AM
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Shadow-world Shadow-world is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rohag View Post
Yesterday was your first day back at work after your leave, yes? How many of your current feelings are fed by that environment?
Although I was triggered by some talk and photos about pregnancy and baby photos respectively, the work environment certainly plays a role. Thanks for remembering. My line manager isn't actually even in this week but it's the memory of what last happened in this workplace and the insecurity about how what I do at work might be judged.
On top of that, I went to see someone in HR following a friend's advice and although I tried to keep the emotions out of it, I still got upset. There will be a three-way meeting between HR, my line manager and myself next week and I'm dreading it.

I'm feeling totally exhausted. I'm just trying to get through today, as I really don't want to go off sick immediately again. Of course, this doesn't mean that I'm feeling much better inside myself; it just means I'm dragging myself in to work. :-(
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  #5  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 12:06 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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((((((((((((((( shadow world )))))))))))))))
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Thanks for this!
Shadow-world
  #6  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 12:18 PM
Anonymous32930
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(((((((Shadow)))))))))) Sorry I have only just came across this, I would miss you if you wasn't around, You're a good person
Thanks for this!
Shadow-world
  #7  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 12:28 PM
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Fuzzybear Fuzzybear is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tinkerbell. View Post
(((((((Shadow)))))))))) Sorry I have only just came across this, I would miss you if you wasn't around, You're a good person
I'd miss you too! You're a lovely person
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Thanks for this!
Shadow-world
  #8  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 12:42 PM
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Shadow-world Shadow-world is offline
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Thank you, everybody. Fuzzy and Tinkerbell, what you said above means a lot to me. It really does. It moves me.
Today is somewhat better so I just try now to take one day at a time - maybe even only one moment at a time, otherwise everything appears too big.
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As long as we dream, we are still alive.
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Thanks for this!
Fuzzybear
  #9  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 04:32 PM
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dailyhealing dailyhealing is offline
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Posts: 6,051
I, too, would be so sad to not see you on this site! I find you to be a very caring person, and I still remember how welcoming you were to me when I first joined here several months ago! And when you mention how you have this meeting coming up that you are dreading it makes me think that this may be part also of what is upsetting you. I know my mood can be very bad (depression, anxiety, anger, irritablitiy, etc...) when I have something coming up that I am really nervous or scared about. I'm glad you are trying to take it moment by moment. And, in my opinion, there is no such thing as starting too many threads. If you are struggling, we all want to know about it and offer you love and support! At least I do. I, too, missed this post yesterday! I'm glad you are a bit better today.
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dailyhealing

"Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it." - Helen Keller
Strange how people who suffer together have stronger connections than those who are most content. –Bob Dylan
“If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.” Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Thanks for this!
Shadow-world
  #10  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 04:59 PM
Jazz007 Jazz007 is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2012
Location: Indianapolis IN
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadow-world View Post
Thank you, everybody. Fuzzy and Tinkerbell, what you said above means a lot to me. It really does. It moves me.
Today is somewhat better so I just try now to take one day at a time - maybe even only one moment at a time, otherwise everything appears too big.
*********************************************************
Hi Shadow world, I am new to this site so this is my first thread. (??)
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that there are many, many people out here who feel excatly as you do. I actually tried to commit suicide 3x,
so I know what it feels like after doing such a horrible thing to oneself.
So many people are affected by that action, people you don't even realize. You may not have children or a partner, but I'm sure you have other family members, friends, coworkers etc.. who would be devistated if you acted on impulse. Don't do it because the world is better with you in it and the regret afterwards is terrible and the guilt is even worse.
Stick in there, it will be worth it. There are still good days to be had.
Thanks for this!
dailyhealing, Shadow-world
  #11  
Old Jun 08, 2012, 09:06 PM
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turquoise4 turquoise4 is offline
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((((((shadow world)))))))
Thanks for this!
Shadow-world
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