[ayakorad]

i'm 15 years old and i'm undiagnosed but i'm pretty sure i have severe depression, it's been this way since i was 11. i have self-harmed for the past three years. i'm never happy and i just always feel like i don't belong. even when people are nice to me i always feel like they actually hate me and i've gone through a lot of neglect issues that i don't want to talk about but maybe it has something to do with it. two years ago when i went to get tested for adhd my mum mentioned that i might have depression, my doctor then asked my right in front of her if i self harmed and obviously i lied and said no because that wasn't private or respectful at all. earlier this year my health teacher noticed my cuts and emailed my mum, she asked me about and i lied again and refused to show her and she never said anything about it since. she asked if i wanted to see a therapist so i went, we had one session and my mum never made me any more appointments even though i've asked. i'm not sure if she doesn't understand or just doesn't care. i've told her 2 or 3 times that i'm suicidal but she doesn't really respond. i don't get it. if i need help how am i supposed to get it? nobody listens to me or takes me seriously. it's frusterating and i don't know what to do. i'm getting worse. i'm afraid of myself, i feel like once i'm triggered i'm really going to do it.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Ayakorad!

Originally Posted by ayakorad

i have self-harmed for the past three years. ...
i'm afraid of myself, i feel like once i'm triggered i'm really going to do it.

Yes, your desire for help is justified. Is there a trusted someone in your life, at your school perhaps, to whom you could tell everything you've posted above -- someone who would read a copy of your post and take it seriously?

Possible immediate resources:

• Samaritans.org - UK & Republic of Ireland
• Metanoia
• Lynn P.’s Concise List of Crisis Advice

Please keep posting, Ayakorad.

[missbelle]

I always felt different myself but had no clue it was any form of depression. I just thought everyone felt the same way. It took years of feeling bad and then good meds to make me realize how bad I had really felt all those years and it was not normal.
I think its extremly good that you are so insightful. I like Rohag's answer above re: speaking to your counselor or someone at school. How about your church if you attend one? Families are clueless sometimes because they may not want to believe something is wrong. They stay in the river in Egypt called..denial. You may have to take the bull by horns and be your own avocate. Make sure when you talk to people you do not sugar coat how you feel but lay it out for them exactly so they take interest and actually "get" it. This may take some forceful advocating simply because when you are younger people don't always take you seriously unfortunately!!

Thinking of you!!!
Hugs;
Dee

[Scubado86]

Hey, I'm so sorry to read that about you. It's not your fault your mother is clearly either selfish or avoiding your problems thinking that might make them go away. My boyfriend does that and it almost makes it worse. I'm 25 now, but when I was 15 I wouldn't listen to anyone, so congrats on being on the forum and trying to get help. After looking back at it all, if I could do it again, I would try and measure my self worth in the amount of relationships I built and maintained with people then trying to measure my self worth with money, body image, career, ect. Eff all that and go create a family of friends of your own.