[turquoise4]

Hi,

Feeling alone is a big trigger for me, so I am trying to reach out a little more. I was diagnosed with depression about 9 years ago...I've had symptoms of it for I don't know how long. Dealing with life on a day to day basis is hard. I struggle with feeling depressed and not wanting to do anything, feeling anxious and trying to do everything perfectly, and beating myself up when I feel like I fall short. Things have gotten better for me since starting medication and therapy, but I'm still having a hard time. I still struggle everyday.

[carrie_ann]

((((turquoise4)))) ... good to hear things are a little better since starting therapy and meds, and good to see you reach out here.

[Sanada]

(((turquoise)))

[turquoise4]

I'm feeling sad tonight. I'm debating on if I should post this. I'll be ok, I'm just feeling sad, but I've been through this before and I will get through it again.

[turquoisesea]

((((((turquoise))))))

it's good to reach out. I find it helps a lot =)

((((hugs)))) It is always good to reach out

[jp55]

I think I need to reach out, since I don't have the support at home for my deppression.

[day2day]

I'm glad you reached out. That is what I am doing too. No one can help if we don't let them in. The door is cracked for me, sounds like you are on the right track. Go ahead open the door.

Linda

[LivingNightmare]

I understand how you must be feeling >< but don't worry, you're definitely not alone. This site is already helping me, little by little. Very nice people here... I actually haven't took my Zoloft like I'm supposed too... I'm hearing people say that the meds really do help though and glad it did for you ^-^

Originally Posted by jp55

I think I need to reach out, since I don't have the support at home for my deppression.

I'm glad you reached out. You've come to a good place. There are many caring, understanding people here.

[turquoise4]

Thanks for your replies, everyone. Your encouragement helped, it can be hard for me to reach out, but I know it is important to do.

Originally Posted by jp55

I think I need to reach out, since I don't have the support at home for my deppression.

jp55, me too. I don't get a lot of support for my depression in face to face life, but then again I am too afraid to reach out to anyone face to face except in T.

[jp55]

Originally Posted by Rose Panachée

I'm glad you reached out. You've come to a good place. There are many caring, understanding people here.

While I was in the hospital, I was involved in support groups. This is a little different forum but I'm glad I'm here. Thanks for caring.

[jp55]

Originally Posted by turquoise4

Thanks for your replies, everyone. Your encouragement helped, it can be hard for me to reach out, but I know it is important to do.


jp55, me too. I don't get a lot of support for my depression in face to face life, but then again I am too afraid to reach out to anyone face to face except in T.

It's tough getting support from my family. They just seem to be wrapped up in their own problems so the don't have time for mine. I just live from day to day in hopes that tomorrow will be a better day than the last. I'm thankful I found this support group, it's makes my day just a little bit easier. I too think it's very important to reach out to people who support you.

[turquoise4]

Something recently triggered me to feel left out and sad. Ever since I was a kid I have felt like I am don't really belong when I am with groups of people. I always feel somehow separate, on the outside, even when I am interacting.

[jp55]

Originally Posted by turquoise4

Something recently triggered me to feel left out and sad. Ever since I was a kid I have felt like I am don't really belong when I am with groups of people. I always feel somehow separate, on the outside, even when I am interacting.

I feel the same way. When I was younger I didn't have many friends. I always felt alone and to this day it hasn't changed much. I allways feel sad and left out, it dosen't seem to get any better. I keep hoping things will change in the future.

[Rose76]

You sound like someone who may be far more wonderful than you have any idea of. Sounds like, maybe, you didn't get a lot of real positive feedback along the way. I think we start out being really dependent on others to help us know that we belong and are valued. If we get that early on, then I think we grow up confident.

If we, somehow, were lacking enough of that sense of being really welcomed in this world by those around us, then I think that is how we grow up feeling always like we might be in the way, or we might be doing something wrong, or we might be taking up too much time or space.

The trouble is that it is real hard to make up for things that didn't go positively earlier in life. I can identify with so much that you say. I used to think that my childhood home was fine and that I just got scared outside of it. Now, I think that the atmosphere was a good bit too severe at that childhood home. There was praise for doing things right, but too big a deal was made out of mistakes. Besides, children should not be loved based on their "performance." Being a kid in my house was like having a job.

Your past could be completely different. But I'll bet it does hold answers.

[dimmingstar]

but what do you do when u have no one to hug u or undrstand youre just no okay instead they add to the pain bcuz of the way youve gone about treating them when trying to distract yourself from MH issues. and ive never been diagnosed im just sad or angry ALL the time

[turquoise4]

Thank you, Rose. Your reply was very helpful. You are right, my childhood is related to how I feel now. I can relate to what you said about being praised when you did things right, but too big of a deal being made of your mistakes. That is similar to my experience. Thank you for reading my post and letting me know I am not alone. It means a lot to me.

[Rose76]

turquoise - your post, above, means a lot to me. I only just came up with that theory about "too big a deal being made of mistakes." I had thought of it long ago, as applying to one of my sibs, who got leaned on pretty hard for rather small mistakes. But I didn't think it applied to me because I did get a lot of praise. It came to me today that I might have been indirectly affected by the severity of the way my sib was treated. I tended to seldom make "mistakes." But I have had severe anxiety issues ALL my life.

Following what you have related has helped me tie things together. Even though I was not reprimanded much, as a kid, I probably achieved that at too great a cost to my mind. I was probably always tightly controlling my every move. That's a perfect way to develop chronic anxiety. Also, it makes it hard to be spontaneous, which makes it hard to play easily and attract friends.

I feel like I learned a lot just now. Thank you.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( turquoise4 )))))))))))))))))

[turquoise4]

Originally Posted by Rose76

turquoise - your post, above, means a lot to me. I only just came up with that theory about "too big a deal being made of mistakes." I had thought of it long ago, as applying to one of my sibs, who got leaned on pretty hard for rather small mistakes. But I didn't think it applied to me because I did get a lot of praise. It came to me today that I might have been indirectly affected by the severity of the way my sib was treated. I tended to seldom make "mistakes." But I have had severe anxiety issues ALL my life.

Following what you have related has helped me tie things together. Even though I was not reprimanded much, as a kid, I probably achieved that at too great a cost to my mind. I was probably always tightly controlling my every move. That's a perfect way to develop chronic anxiety. Also, it makes it hard to be spontaneous, which makes it hard to play easily and attract friends.

I feel like I learned a lot just now. Thank you.

Rose, Everything you described makes a lot of sense. I can see how a kid could develop chronic anxiety from witnessing others being overly criticized for mistakes. I also can personally relate to that, and believe that similar situations contributed to my perfectionistic tendencies. Growing up hearing a lot of criticism made me want to make sure I never make mistakes (which is not realistic). I am happy for what you were able to learn about your past. That is important.

[turquoise4]

Thanks everyone for all the support and hugs. I love and appreciate hugs

[roads]

I'm learning to do this now IRL ... SCARY!!!

but I went to a concert with a friend Sunday night ... Invited a woman from work, not a big deal I guess, she was thrilled--had always wanted to go to a concert &never had the chance before.

It all started here, really ... taking chances getting to know people here, thinking I could email a coworker, have lunch ... Take a chance.

Had some rejections, whimpered & ranted here some ... Took some deep breaths, took some more chances.

We had a great time at the concert!

So ... baby steps, turquoise. Baby steps. This is a good place to try some things, a little bit at a time.

Roadie

[turquoise4]

Hi Roadie,

I think its great that you are doing this more IRL, I've been trying to do it a little more in real life also. You are right; it can be very scary. Baby steps are key. Thanks for your reply.

[f.reliant]

Sorry you are lonely, but glad that you have the knowledge that this will pass. It frustrating because it just can't happen soon enough. Hope today is better!