[jkristana]

i've posted mainly in the survivors of abuse page but my depression has just been at its worst lately. i just want everything to end. i long for that emotional numbness where it doesn't matter what people do to me i just won't feel anything. these suicidal thoughts keep coming into my head and sometimes i'm sure i'll do it. it doesn't matter after all because i wasn't going to achieve anything anyways and it's not like anybody loved me. really, i have had people tell me that there are people who love me but i know that's not true. either they hate me or they don't care at all.

it's a cycle...something bad happens at home, i feel depressed, i can't focus on schoolwork and i get bad grades, depressed about grades and feeling worthless, then something bad happens at home again.

[sweathers81]

Im sorry, but death is final. There's no taking it back. Life sucks, I've had a bad one. But it has gotten better. The best thing to do is think about yourself and what u need to do. Think positive and how to change things that r going wrong. If you feel like no one loves you,you have have to love yourself more. put your head high and do for yourself and remember your worth so much more than what people say or think. God loves you

[stern]

The truth is people do love you. I also don't believe when people tell me that but I also know that the impulse that makes you feel worthless is not genuine. Nobody is born happy. We have to make ourself happy. Do you try to find out means to cheer you up? Even if nobody cares, you have to live for yourself. You don't need other people for your survival. Try to believe it and you'll feel the difference. Wish you well...

[Leed]

Why would people tell you that there are those that DO love you if it wasn't true? They have no reason to lie to you. Please believe them.

WE TRULY CARE ABOUT YOU! Otherwise, no one would post to you. Did you ever think about that? People here really care -- and if something ever happened to you, we'd be devastated!

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things NEVER stay the same. They always change. Always!!! And of COURSE you're going to achieve something -- you're bound to!!

Bad things happen at home -- but that has nothing to do with YOU. I came from an abusive home too. It was awful. Fighting all the time, and i don't mean just shouting -- I mean physical fights. My parents were drunks. We 4 girls had to witness some real crummy stuff. We all ended up depressed -- I'm the only one that went into therapy but the others could have used it too. But younger sister went on and got a Masters degree. My oldest sister traveled with an orchestra to Europe.
Just cause you come from an abusive home doesn't mean you can't accomplish something - we have to rise above that. I used to use that as an excuse, but realized I couldn't do that anymore. That wasn't about ME.

People do care. And I think YOU care too! God bless. (((hugs))) Lee

[Idiot17]

there's nothing really for me to say since i feel the same way, if that helps you anything.
gluck

[tangodream]

Originally Posted by jkristana

i've posted mainly in the survivors of abuse page but my depression has just been at its worst lately. i just want everything to end. i long for that emotional numbness where it doesn't matter what people do to me i just won't feel anything. these suicidal thoughts keep coming into my head and sometimes i'm sure i'll do it. it doesn't matter after all because i wasn't going to achieve anything anyways and it's not like anybody loved me. really, i have had people tell me that there are people who love me but i know that's not true. either they hate me or they don't care at all.

it's a cycle...something bad happens at home, i feel depressed, i can't focus on schoolwork and i get bad grades, depressed about grades and feeling worthless, then something bad happens at home again.

I understand how you feel, wanting the pain to end. I understand feeling lost & alone. You think suicide might be the answer--you know it will remove you from this world & thus remove you from its pain. True.

But it will also remove you from all that life has to offer you. The sunlight, the rain, a smile from a friend. There has to be good things in your life that you enjoy. Find that seed of joy, whatever it is as good as it is good for you, & hang on to it with everything you have.

If you believe in God or a Higher Power, pray. Ask for help!

If you are really feeling like you can't take it anymore, then go to an emergency room & tell them there what is going on. They can get you the help you need & get you into a safe situation.

We all need to try & hang on. We are here for you.

[anjelmarie]

I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better unfortunately cause i feel the same as you do. You are not alone if that helps any. It probably doesn't. All you can do i guess is try to distract yourself from thinking. Reading, watching tv, having a hobby. i don't know if that helps but in order for me to stay somewhat sane i have to distract myself and basically i watch tv all the time. it may not be a good thing to do but it has saved me from being destructive. Maybe going to a group would help you. I myself don't like them. I see my T once a week and live for that one hour a day once a week where i can vent and someone will listen and act like they care.

[f.reliant]

You have to hang in there. You are young and you will not always be in the environment that you are now. At some point, you will be out on your own making a different life. A life you choose for yourself.

I am a fellow survivor of abuse too, but I choose to label myself just plain survivor. Every time one of those "bad cycles" come around, I’m gonna to fight to get back up.

You are so worth being loved. Allow yourself the opportunity to let that happen. Allow yourself the opportunity to achieve...because you can. Again, hang in there. Reach out here as often as necessarily and let people who care about what happens you offer encouragement and support.

Best,
f.reliant