[alone in the world]

Up at 5am sleep just alludes me. spending a lot of time thinking about my purpose in life. Why I can not find any enjoyment in it. these feelings and thoughts fuel my depression, making me more despondant. My mood fluctuates daily but by evenings they tend to have the same theme of sadness and unworthiness. I spend a lot of time with t working on these feelings but they seem bigger than her, which begins the cycle of questioning my existence all over again. I thought my children would be the catalyst for change in my thinking but they are not. Can't think of anything bigger that would make that shift. well maybe a little self love. Feel this depression deep in my soul and don't know if meds and therapy will be enough to eradicate it, it's been three years so far and the progress minimual. Posting on PC sometimes help with the need to rid myself of the feelings but they come back and I am stuck again. Sharing my pain should be cathartic so I guess I will continue posting.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by alone in the world

Feel this depression deep in my soul and don't know if meds and therapy will be enough to eradicate it...

Speaking only for myself, meds and therapy have not been enough to eradicate my own deeply rooted depression. They have/do help with it's "management," though. Short of a cure, I'll take "management."

Originally Posted by alone in the world

Sharing my pain should be cathartic so I guess I will continue posting.

Please continue posting, Alone in the World.

Oh, may your thinking about your purpose in life eventually lead you in hopeful, even exciting directions.

[LadyShadow]

Purpose in life is a tough one. I struggle with it myself. Every day once felt like drifting from day to day. The only changes I made was a found myself a supportive boyfriend, and a good job to keep me going.

My T always talked about goal setting. I never really thought that would work cause I thought it was all psycho babble bull crap. I was a cynic and didnt really believe in the mental health system and despised the groups I used to go to because I thought they couldnt help.

But the goal setting did. I set three small goals that I knew if I accomplished I would be happy. And I have two out of the three accomplished and I feel closer to my understanding of my purpose.

I dont know if it will help, but try setting a small goal and see if you can achieve it. It may help you find a purpose.

Hope that helps you

[Emotionally Dead]

Seven months ago or so, my life was wonderful. I felt like everything was where it needed to be. I thought I had found my purpose. I was deeply in love. Ready to give her an incredible life, and one that is much better than she has had thus far. I went to another country to visit her. Her family was actually much nicer to me than my own family. Everything was incredible. I was planning my life with her, a future, marriage, everything. It all came crashing down seven months ago. Now, I feel as you do. No happiness, no joy, no purpose. I often question myself, why do I put myself through this? Why am I even here?

While I can't answer what your purpose is, and I won't even try, I know that we don't choose to be here. Life is a cruel thing. We are born without choice, to parents we don't choose, thrown in a life we didn't choose. I understand how you feel. It's hard. You said you have children, right? If you do, you already served a purpose. You have to be here, because they need you. I feel like everything happens for a reason, they are there for a reason. To keep you going.

Meds and doctors can only do so much. In the end, it's our choice whether we want to enjoy life or stress over it. It's like losing weight. You can diet and eat right, but unless you go out and exercise and put in the effort you probably aren't going to lose much weight. Life is similar in the fact that we can take meds and go to any doctor we want, but until WE are happy with our life and happy with ourselves and we put in the work mentally and physically to fix what we think is wrong in our lives, we aren't just going to magically be better. There really isn't a cure, and I doubt there ever will be.

All of that is easier said than done. I know it's not as easy as it is for me to type this. It's true though. I know that we should all embrace life and our chance to be here, but it is a very difficult time to do that. Even for me. I can tell you all this, but in all honesty I have given up myself. Given up on happiness, given up on life. I am just going through the motions now. I don't have any children though, the only person I am hurting is myself.

You just have to figure out what it is that is bothering you, you said self love? Well, think about why you don't love yourself? What is it? Then, work on that. What can you do to fix why you don't love yourself? These are simple steps that can be monumental in helping your emotional problems. I would write them all down, and take it one step at a time. Then, you have to ask yourself why life is worth living? In my opinion, it would be your children. Then focus on that.

I can't do much more but offer my support. As you can tell, I am not much help at the moment as I am suffering from severe depression as well. I am asking the same questions. I know that the advice I am giving would even help myself if I were to follow it. I know they say to "practice what you preach", and I have tried. At one point in my life this all worked for me. Right now, it isn't. It might work again, but I have to grieve first. I don't want you to think that I am giving advice that I would never follow, as I have followed this advice to success in the past.

I don't know that any of it will help you, but I hope it does. If nothing else, you'll know that you aren't the only one going through this, and that there are others in similar situations who are there to offer their support. Take care.

[Leed]

I don't know if you're on meds or not, but the meds have certianly made a HUGE difference for me. Before I was on meds, I was seriously considering suicide, but I knew it would devastate my kids. After meds, I was amazed at how much better I felt! There have been a couple of times where the doctor has had to "play" with the dosage but I'm fine now.

Talk with your doctor about medication IF you're not on them. And if you are, maybe your dosage needs changiing. They can make a big difference.

I wish you all the best my friend. God bless you and please keep us posted. We do care! Hugs, Lee

[Snowy83]

I can only say I feel the same too.....yea...what the purpose...

[InfiniteSadness]

Nihilism comes to mind...