[regretful]

Hello folks,

Well, one would think that a positive Father's Day with my wife and son would have been just the antidote for this depression, but I found myself miserable yesterday and even more miserable this morning. I do see some threads on here where others ask for support, so now it is my turn to do just that...

What do you do when you can't help obsessing on the things in your life that you think are contributing so significantly to your depression? For example, if any of you have read my brief profile, you would have seen that my depression stems, at least in part, from the decision I made a few years ago to leave my profession as a psychologist to join the world of small business. As such, I cannot stop thinking about what a poor decision that was, and how really unhappy I have been since...what do you do when you can't stop thinking negatively about a poor decision that you made in the past?

Any thoughts or words of encouragement/wisdom would be appreciated.

This may be simplistic but may as well be put out there: you can't change the past. You made that decision....it's the past. You can change the present. If changing professions was a poor decision then maybe you might want to consider going back to your former profession. From what you mention is your post, this has at least a good chance of being a good decision. That would break the obsession.

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Regretful!

Originally Posted by regretful

In my business, it is state politics that I hate. To make matters worse, a former employee is threatening to sue us for violating the law against workers with disabilities. Adding to the stress is that I won't know if she is proceeding with a suit for at least 90 days from now.

Originally Posted by regretful

What do you do when you can't help obsessing on the things in your life that you think are contributing so significantly to your depression?

To not ponder the things you are facing would either require amazing powers of mental control or good drugs. Could the effort to return to clinical practice provide a distraction significant enough to help?

[regretful]

Originally Posted by Rohag

Hello & Welcome, Regretful!

To not ponder the things you are facing would either require amazing powers of mental control or good drugs. Could the effort to return to clinical practice provide a distraction significant enough to help?

I see a theme developing...the return to clinical practice has to be that which I set my sights on for the near future. I have neither amazing powers of mental control nor any need of good (or bad) drugs. thank you for the words of encourgement...they are meaningful...

[regretful]

Originally Posted by George H.

This may be simplistic but may as well be put out there: you can't change the past. You made that decision....it's the past. You can change the present. If changing professions was a poor decision then maybe you might want to consider going back to your former profession. From what you mention is your post, this has at least a good chance of being a good decision. That would break the obsession.

Dear George H,

It is not simplistic at all...that's where the trouble lies, though...that is, realizing that the past is gone. Perhaps that is why I chose the moniker "regretful"...Breaking the obsession is going to take some time, but I am at least hopeful that I can do so...thank you for your words of encouragement....

[whimsygirl]

Oh my Friend....How I wish I could say anything that might possibly spark a moment of relief for you. Isn't it horrible how depression can make it impossible at times....many times....to see any perspective. God knows I've been there so often myself. So, with that said, however simplistic these things may sound, I'll still say them. First of all this. I have never been involved in AA (I thank God that's ONE thing I haven't had to deal with), and obviously the Prayer of Serenity is so often ~mostly(?) associated with them, but it doesn't have to be, and personally....as simple as it is....I find it does sometimes bring me some comfort when things are feeling really bad. Actually I'm thinking of it quite a bit lately, as I try to deal with my "Best Friend" who recently deleted me from her life, refusing to talk to me, respond to my e-mails, etc. But as hard as it is to accept, I can NOT change whatever it is in her that allows her to be so cruel. We all have made decisions that we regret, and sadly some impact our lives more than others....but we just can't always predict these consequences and change what is already done. Ok, so the other thing I want to say, and this is one very close to my heart, simple as it may be. Why are we tougher on ourselves than we might be on others?? If a friend of yours made the same choice that you did (to make the leap and start a business), and it didn't go so well, perhaps you might just think that he was an intelligent person, so his reasons for making that choice, (no matter what the results), should be respected....and the truth is sometimes things just don't go as expected, or hoped for. But would you think less of your friend for having made that choice? I'm guessing probably not? And perhaps you'd just feel bad for them? (Have compassion.) And yet you sound like you are being rather rough on yourself....blaming yourself for not having the power to predict the future. Personally I feel you deserve more kindness than that. All that said, as someone who has suffered from depression most of my life, I DO get it. Well, anyway, don't know that any of this will help in any way....or even to make sense to do, but if nothing else just want to let you know I care, and pray some comfort comes your way asap.....

[regretful]

Hi whimsygirl,

That reply was so very kind. That serenity prayer...I know it well from my years as a 12 step-group facilitator; and strangely enough, that was what the priest told me to focus on after my last heart-to-heart with him...I'm sorry to hear about your friend who has ended contact with you. I know that reaching out to people who are important to you is so useful to me...Actually, when I was heading home from my office today I talked with a dear friend of mine who is a retired therapist. He has had his own struggles with depression and war-related PTSD. It was so comforting to talk with him, especially when he said, "I know, I've been there"...and reading what you had to say about "being there" was helpful to me too.

As for your "close to the heart" points, I don't know why we're tougher on ourselves than we are on anyone else. We are our own worst enemies at times. If a friend came to me with the same situation, I would be supportive and encouraging. Maybe it's a little like "Stuart Smalley", but I guess that it's time to be my own best friend.

One thing that I learned in my years of providing therapy to people was to never question whether or not the compassion and suppor that I gave to others was useful. Your words were very meaningful! Thanks.