Struggling with inadequacy

I'm a 20 year old college student struggling with my self-esteem.

Long story short, I came into college with a lot of confidence. I was totally ready for my intended major and I believed in myself fully. Unfortunately I had not developed a lot of crucial life skills that most of my peers had in high school. I did not know how to study successfully, how to be organized, how to do well in college classes, how to manage my time well, how to watch what I spend, how to budget properly, how to take care of myself, and a lot of other things that everyone else seemed to already know how to do.

So fast forward two years. I almost failed out of college after three semesters. I had made a lot of money through work and yet I had very little money left to my name. I had to change majors because of my academic failures. And so on and so forth.

My confidence was completely shattered. I have taken good steps over the last half year to right the ship and life is getting better. But every day I struggle with a regret and sense of helplessness that kills any self-esteem or hope I have for a good future. Everyone I know has their life together, from finances to a steady job to academics to internships to everything. Everyone is moving forward and I've been spinning my tires in the mud the last two years because I lacked the necessary skills to succeed. It's very tough, having to hear good news from people about their lives when I have nothing to report because I'm still picking up the pieces. I'm just starting to get a hold on life and everyone else is twenty steps ahead of me.

Granted, things have been going better. I'm going to graduate on time, I have a job and I have learned and applied some valuable lessons from these last two years. But whenever I make a mistake or something goes slightly wrong to set me back, I get consumed by feelings of inadequacy, helplessness and sadness. I just kind of shut down and hate myself, feel lonely and out of place in the world for awhile. Sometimes it takes a couple of minutes or hours to shake the feeling, sometimes a week. But while I'm feeling it I just feel so lost and sad and feel like giving up the fight.

I'm not suicidal, and I think that's because I can see the larger picture of where my life is headed. But I worry that one of these days a lot of things are going to go wrong at the same time and I'll be thrown into a deeper depression that I won't be able to get out of as easily, y'know? I just wish I knew how to stop these overwhelming feelings of inadequacy whenever I face adversity or setbacks. The slightest feeling of disappointment can trigger it and I wish I knew how to keep that from happening.

I apologize for the length of this post. The backstory for all of the reasons why I feel this way is pretty complicated and I tried to condense it as much as possible without being annoying.

Hello & Welcome, Piver!
This is great, congratulations!
This, especially the automatic self-shutdown, is possibly an indication of the kind of problem that requires dedicated attention. Have you been evaluated by a medical professional for both physical and mental issues? Do you have access to a clinic at your school?

A deep sense of one's own inadequacy is bad; a paralyzing inadequacy takes it to another level.

Make yourself at home here, Piver!

Ahhh...20 years old...you appear to be figuring things out just fine. I'm 46 and still have no idea about my finances, future, plans, or anything for that matter. At 20 I was in the military and thought that would be my career...didn't work out. At 30 I was a practicing psychologist and thought I didn't like it...at 45 I'm a business owner and I'm miserable...

You appear to be your own biggest critic. Your post indicated that you've faced challenges, re-evaluated your course of action, and then set on a course to something that works for you. There is nothing wrong with your approach.

Keep your head up; keep coming back here...understand that one of the oldest definitions of depression is anger turned towards the self. I agree with Rohag - find the clinic at your school and get someone to talk to. That helped me tremendously when I was struggling through graduate school. And now that I'm at another low point in my life, I'm reaching out to a therapist once again.

You'll be fine.