[coneyislandbaby]

By the way, I'm a 32 year old woman.

Now I'm in a splint for 6 weeks. All because I'm being denied a promotion at work, which I deserved. They know I've missed days due to illness and they don't care.

I was so close to accomplishing something amazing for the first time in my life and once again I failed. And I punished myself by punching a door and breaking a bone in my hand.

Why can't I just be an alcoholic like everyone else? Instead I go and fight with a steel door.

I am so ashamed of myself. Especially being a woman. I've been telling people at work that i fell. I am so embarrassed.

I was so close to fixing things.. finally.. and then this. And i just read my insurance may not even covr it because it's self-inflicted.

I am never going to get out of this hole.

Hey Sorry things aren't going well. I don't know what type of promotion this was but honestly, if it in involved more responsibility and supervisory duties then attendance is a very important factor. Maybe later on things will be better and you will be promoted. About the hole you're in... it may just be a matter of perspective. It may not be as deep as you think it is. First thing you might want to do is stop digging the hole deeper If you haven't already told the doctor or anyone that you punched a steel door you might want to get creative about the accident. At least you won't have to pay all the medical expenses or explain to your employer that you punched the door. Either way don't make things harder on yourself. You've come too close to getting where you want to be to give it all up now. Good luck and take care

Originally Posted by coneyislandbaby

By the way, I'm a 32 year old woman.

Now I'm in a splint for 6 weeks. All because I'm being denied a promotion at work, which I deserved. They know I've missed days due to illness and they don't care.

I was so close to accomplishing something amazing for the first time in my life and once again I failed. And I punished myself by punching a door and breaking a bone in my hand.

Why can't I just be an alcoholic like everyone else? Instead I go and fight with a steel door.

I am so ashamed of myself. Especially being a woman. I've been telling people at work that i fell. I am so embarrassed.

I was so close to fixing things.. finally.. and then this. And i just read my insurance may not even covr it because it's self-inflicted.

I am never going to get out of this hole.

[Rohag]

I'm sorry, Coneyislandbaby. How's the insomnia (which makes everything worse, of course)?

Wishing you some refreshing rest as you regroup.

[shezbut]

Have you looked into anger management resources?

Lots of people have trouble w/losing their cool occasionally, but slamming a steel door with your fist makes me think that this isn't your first time. My brother used to do the same thing with telephone poles, often scaring the person he was with a lot. For my brother, his bad temper made his gf's physically and emotionally afraid of him, which gave him more power in the relationship.

I don't know if my description of my brother sounds familiar to you, but if anyone saw you hit the steel door at work you're certainly making people wonder just how safe you are to be around. Hopefully, no one saw you & you can get into a group to help you manage your anger in a healthy way.

Best wishes to you!

[Why can't I just be an alcoholic like everyone else? Instead I go and fight with a steel door.]

At least you have a sense of humor. I've had fights with a wall and a table. I'm a woman too.
As for your promotion, maybe you didn't fail. Maybe, something better is right around the corner.

[coneyislandbaby]

Originally Posted by George H.

Hey Sorry things aren't going well. I don't know what type of promotion this was but honestly, if it in involved more responsibility and supervisory duties then attendance is a very important factor. Maybe later on things will be better and you will be promoted. About the hole you're in... it may just be a matter of perspective. It may not be as deep as you think it is. First thing you might want to do is stop digging the hole deeper If you haven't already told the doctor or anyone that you punched a steel door you might want to get creative about the accident. At least you won't have to pay all the medical expenses or explain to your employer that you punched the door. Either way don't make things harder on yourself. You've come too close to getting where you want to be to give it all up now. Good luck and take care

Hi. My promotion involved being sort of a mentor in sales, which is not managerial but carries a significant raise. It was also a huge accomplishment for someone who has been held back in every way possible for 32 years.
My employers don't know, and I've been lying to all my coworkers and to some extent, friends. I am worried about the ER bill... I told them the truth,not realizing at the time I may not be covered because of it.

[coneyislandbaby]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Have you looked into anger management resources?

Lots of people have trouble w/losing their cool occasionally, but slamming a steel door with your fist makes me think that this isn't your first time. My brother used to do the same thing with telephone poles, often scaring the person he was with a lot. For my brother, his bad temper made his gf's physically and emotionally afraid of him, which gave him more power in the relationship.

I don't know if my description of my brother sounds familiar to you, but if anyone saw you hit the steel door at work you're certainly making people wonder just how safe you are to be around. Hopefully, no one saw you & you can get into a group to help you manage your anger in a healthy way.

Best wishes to you!

Thank you. I was looking into therapy, but without this raise I can't afford copays. I'm about 40g in debt, not including taxes I owe to the IRS (currently on non-collectible status because of my dire financial situation). And I live in Brooklyn and in NYC you're either rich or poor. Cost of living here is outrageous. I have nowhere else to go to recover financially - my parents live here too. Actually my mom lives with a boyfriend in New Jersey, my dad with his new family in Staten Island. They live too far from my job, so I'd have to quit. Transferring isn't an option because there are no stores where they are, and I'm on probation now anyway.
Your descr of your bro sounds about right. Did he seek help? Was he successful?
One girl at work saw me crying in the bathroom, but I spoke with her. She isn't telling anyone, in order to protect me and my job.

[coneyislandbaby]

Originally Posted by Rohag

I'm sorry, Coneyislandbaby. How's the insomnia (which makes everything worse, of course)?

Wishing you some refreshing rest as you regroup.

Thanks for checking in Rohag. Insomnia has actually been manageable, been taking 50mg Trazodone and .5 to 1mg of Xanax - but been sleeping great, 6-7 hrs at a time (which for me is tremendous). Best it's been in months.
Hope you're also doing better!

[eskielover]

Your hand situation reminded me of a time when I was in the psych hospital. A psychologist came in my room to talk & asked me what I really felt like doing (I had OD'ed which landed me in the hospital). I slammed my hand into the wall.....it was a cement wall next to my bed. He ended up forcing me to have my hand x-rayed to make sure I hadn't broken anything........grrrrrrrrr. I would have never slammed my hand into the wall if he hadn't said something.

Maybe you could just say the door slammed on your hand (rather than you slamming your hand on the door) if the insurance gets fussy about the whole thing (which I doubt they really will. I think the self inflicted thing goes much deeper than a broken hand (at least I would hope it does)........so many times we have accidents that end up being a self inflicted situation if truly analyzed.

Think it's a good thing to deal with your anger.....however, I know that when I was living with my husband.....my anger was through the roof, to the point where I actually saw red one time. As soon as I left him & got away, my anger also went....it took a few years of calming down......but it started to diminish immediately until I have need to deal with him again (couldn't get divorced because of financial issues).

It's important to know where your source of your anger emotion is coming from (many things do build up).......I do like the DBT type of therapy because it gets you in touch with your emotions (something I didn't know how to do). Sometimes there are therapy groups with sliding scale payments that can really help...they look at income & EXPENSES to determine the sliding scale you have to pay & it can be really low.

I am glad you are sleeping better because lack of sleep makes everything worse.

[coneyislandbaby]

Originally Posted by eskielover

Your hand situation reminded me of a time when I was in the psych hospital. A psychologist came in my room to talk & asked me what I really felt like doing (I had OD'ed which landed me in the hospital). I slammed my hand into the wall.....it was a cement wall next to my bed. He ended up forcing me to have my hand x-rayed to make sure I hadn't broken anything........grrrrrrrrr. I would have never slammed my hand into the wall if he hadn't said something.

Maybe you could just say the door slammed on your hand (rather than you slamming your hand on the door) if the insurance gets fussy about the whole thing (which I doubt they really will. I think the self inflicted thing goes much deeper than a broken hand (at least I would hope it does)........so many times we have accidents that end up being a self inflicted situation if truly analyzed.

Think it's a good thing to deal with your anger.....however, I know that when I was living with my husband.....my anger was through the roof, to the point where I actually saw red one time. As soon as I left him & got away, my anger also went....it took a few years of calming down......but it started to diminish immediately until I have need to deal with him again (couldn't get divorced because of financial issues).

It's important to know where your source of your anger emotion is coming from (many things do build up).......I do like the DBT type of therapy because it gets you in touch with your emotions (something I didn't know how to do). Sometimes there are therapy groups with sliding scale payments that can really help...they look at income & EXPENSES to determine the sliding scale you have to pay & it can be really low.

I am glad you are sleeping better because lack of sleep makes everything worse.

Thanks for sharing your story. That's intense! Was your hand okay?

[eskielover]

Originally Posted by coneyislandbaby

Thanks for sharing your story. That's intense! Was your hand okay?

Yes, the hand was ok....just bruised which hurt for awhile but nothing like a broken bone. (only broken bones I've had were from horse accidents)

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by coneyislandbaby

I was looking into therapy, but without this raise I can't afford copays. .....
Your descr of your bro sounds about right. Did he seek help? Was he successful?.....
One girl at work saw me crying in the bathroom, but I spoke with her. She isn't telling anyone, in order to protect me and my job.

((coneyislandbaby))

I'm sorry that you can't afford to pay applicable co-pays. Have you tried looking into available therapists in your local area? I did that for 3 years on a very limited income, where my payment was $5/visit. That worked for me!

My brother hasn't ever acknowledged that he has a problem controlling his anger. He instead defends his behavior ~ "better that I hit a wall (or whatever) than her head!" Your description of the event doesn't sound anywhere near as bad as my brother though. I guess that I'm a bit hypersensitive. I have some pretty scary memories from my childhood, due to my brother (and others).

Nice that one of your co-workers isn't going to tell anyone. That's a good sign! I hope that your financial situation improves soon. Maybe something better is waiting around the corner for you.

[coneyislandbaby]

Originally Posted by shezbut

((coneyislandbaby))

I'm sorry that you can't afford to pay applicable co-pays. Have you tried looking into available therapists in your local area? I did that for 3 years on a very limited income, where my payment was $5/visit. That worked for me!

My brother hasn't ever acknowledged that he has a problem controlling his anger. He instead defends his behavior ~ "better that I hit a wall (or whatever) than her head!" Your description of the event doesn't sound anywhere near as bad as my brother though. I guess that I'm a bit hypersensitive. I have some pretty scary memories from my childhood, due to my brother (and others).

Nice that one of your co-workers isn't going to tell anyone. That's a good sign! I hope that your financial situation improves soon. Maybe something better is waiting around the corner for you.

Hi. There are therapists in my area, but the copays for my plan are high. The sliding scale ones are inaccessible to me because I'm single and as of next week will be making a salary of about $35k so my income, although I'm in tons of debt and cost of living is high, isn't considered limited. They don't care about expenses, they just look at income and familial status ( I have no kids). And in NYC the waiting lists for those kinds of progrms are outrageous - like 6 months on average. There is just no point.

I did just get a significant raise yesterday, so I can probably work something out next month.

I guess it's not all bad, except now I can't ride my bike because of this hand. Six weeks.