[CastlesInTheAir]

does anyone else ever feel this way?

I feel like I am locked inside myself. I have a personality but it never shines through. I live in daydreams and fantasies, if i could just do what I think, darnit I think I would be so much happier but it is like I won't give myself a chance. I constantly obsses over what people think, will i do a good job, will they like me....its so aggravating...

I look back at most of my life and most of it is just me walking on egg shells all the time, trying to fit in, I never took the time to actually get to know myself.

Now wherever I am, I always feel like I should be somewhere else and I am so emotionally numb that I feel so disconnected from even my best of friends...but I can't help but be disconnected....where is the joy? where is the passion? where is the inspiration? The love? anything?

[pandarama123456789]

You've just.. ah, you've completely described me! I was always just trying to fit in, pretending to be someone else my whole life and now I have no idea who I am and just daydream about who I want to be. I'm sorry I don't have any advice, I wish I did, but I'm still trying to escape from inside as well.
I wish you the very best!

[optimize990h]

Yeah, I know this place very well. I used to try too hard and be clinger and ppl pleaser. It's not as bad, but I have to avoid putting myself in bad places. You are not alone

[Elbie]

Originally Posted by triciadrich

does anyone else ever feel this way?

I feel like I am locked inside myself. I have a personality but it never shines through. I live in daydreams and fantasies, if i could just do what I think, darnit I think I would be so much happier but it is like I won't give myself a chance. I constantly obsses over what people think, will i do a good job, will they like me....its so aggravating...

I look back at most of my life and most of it is just me walking on egg shells all the time, trying to fit in, I never took the time to actually get to know myself.

Now wherever I am, I always feel like I should be somewhere else and I am so emotionally numb that I feel so disconnected from even my best of friends...but I can't help but be disconnected....where is the joy? where is the passion? where is the inspiration? The love? anything?

If you don't mind I would like to share this page with you. I have many days/nights I feel this way.
In fact today was Very difficult. I am trying new things to help myself. I wish my appointment with my T was sooner.
I am sending hugs of understanding letting you know you aren't alone.
TC/ All the Best Elbie

Originally Posted by triciadrich

does anyone else ever feel this way?

I feel like I am locked inside myself. I have a personality but it never shines through. I live in daydreams and fantasies, if i could just do what I think, darnit I think I would be so much happier but it is like I won't give myself a chance. I constantly obsses over what people think, will i do a good job, will they like me....its so aggravating...

I look back at most of my life and most of it is just me walking on egg shells all the time, trying to fit in, I never took the time to actually get to know myself.

Now wherever I am, I always feel like I should be somewhere else and I am so emotionally numb that I feel so disconnected from even my best of friends...but I can't help but be disconnected....where is the joy? where is the passion? where is the inspiration? The love? anything?

Yes Trish I think I understand what you're saying and I think have done that. At a certain point in my life I was kinda shy. There was a wall between me and the world....between me and everyone else. When hanging out in a group I would have things I wanted to say but lacked the confidence to say it or more often would say it but very quietly. My best friend who was standing very near would hear it though... and then say it...and get laughs, assent, whatever. Worked out pretty well for him Eventually I decided what the hell... I may as well say what I feel and get into some interaction and let go. It wasn't like omg my life changed in an instant. But over time, I became more comfortable expressing my opinion and letting myself open up and feel connected and accepted and confident. And then it just became natural. It took a while and there were lapses. My humor, opinions, observations etc don't always go over well obviously but I'm much more comfortable. Or was before MI
Maybe try having a day where you just go out and let go... let yourself come out and don't worry about how it's taken by others. Some people will get you and some won't. If you start to feel more comfortable then keep at it.
I hope I didn't miss your point completely but that's all a part of it