[nevergiveup8]

I have nothing left to live for. I have been struggling for so long and have tried so hard to push through and make it out on the other side, but it's almost as if every time i take a step forward, I am faced with an even greater problem to overcome and end up taking a million steps back. I feel hopeless, hateful, angry, sad, upset, anxious... you name it. I feel so alone and I know that the only people who still care about me (basically, my family) are tired of hearing me whine and complain. I am tired too. Tired of having no energy, tired of nothing going my way, tired of looking like crap and feeling even worse. I literally don't even have the energy to commit suicide. I just want to lay down in my bed and sleep until I die.

[whimsygirl]

Hi nevergiveup8.....I am so sorry you're feeling this way. Sending warm thoughts and hugs to you.....plus prayers that a ray of hope may come your way.

[regretful]

Hi nevergiveup8,
Your name says it all...never give up!!! I know what you're talking about with the lonliness of depression. I'm stuck in a business that I hate and can't easily get out of; I have the threat of pending litigation from a former employee who is trying to sue me (frivolously as it may be) for everything that I've got; my wife started an Internet affair with an old friend of mine about a year ago, and though she says it's over, I still have my doubts; I have no savings for the future; I'm still in student loan debt from grad school; my house is falling apart...there's more, but it's too overwhelming to type about...Despite all of this, something led me to these forums where people really do care. I know that it might feel rotten for you right now, but start with some simple appreciation...you can type, you can read, you can get online, you found some support, and at least two people have taken the time to reach out to you. Though we'll likely never meet, know that I sincerely care and am hoping that you can find some relief.

Hello, I'm sure there are people who care. We care about you. That's one reason to live life. I get this feeling too of giving up life. I think of a reason not to give up life. One of them is my language learning (listening to audio content distracts me from bad thoughts and it boosts my confidence too) and the people who I really care about. I wouldn't want them hurt.I wouldn't want to hurt someone if I gave up with life. Yes, life is hard. I keep telling myself to carry on. Life is hard. People may want to end their lives but really, they want the pain to stop.

[Shadow-world]

Hello Nevergiveup8, I'm feeling similarly rock bottom right now.

I can totally understand the pain and everything that comes with it and also how hard it is to keep going and telling yourself that it will get better (for longer, this time).

I am moved though by what Regretful says about the way people care in these forums and how we can at least appreciate this. This is a great community. Yes, I would love to have a real, physical hug as well right now and that's not possible within the context of this community, but you can still feel moved and appreciated and understood and loved here. Caring is important and it helps.

Caring about something is also crucial for us in order to go on as Happycheeks said in other words when (s)he describes her (sorry, not sure whether you are female, Happy) love for language learning. It reminds me of my passion for reading and writing and the imagination.
Is there anything you feel really passionate about, Nevergiveup8? Try and pursue this with all your might.

[FacingChains]

Never Give Up....
I spent part of the day in bed.....went to bed crying...let other people get to me, felt lonely and rejected...too many bills to pay, no money, no friends, no family, no job, hard to leave house...and more..health problems up the wazoo...I feel ya. Every once in a while it gets better. I live for those days. I know I have a disease, depression. I think accepting it helps me. I dont have any answers. Just know you're not alone. There are all of us here. We love you. We are here for you. We are struggling too. Thanks for writing NeverGive Up. Thanks for listening. Facing Chains

[anjelmarie]

Well you sound alot like me. I know thats not a good thing and i'm sorry that i don't have much advice to give you. I know how you feel though. I just told my therapist if one decent thing happens to me there will be 5 bad things that happen. Thats just how my life is. I'm angry too and just don't understand why. I don't know what to say to you except to try to distract yourself somehow from thinking, and not by using any substances, i mean watch tv, read, listen to music those types of things. There is a meetup website where you can find groups to join with people who like to do similar things as you. I'm not in the frame of mind to join any groups but you may be. Its hard and i wish i had the answer. Just try to hang in there the best you can and take one day at a time.

[Suki22]

thank you! you just made me cry. you made me cry because I know exactly how you feel. I feel like I've worn down my family with my problems and no one wants to hear it any longer or they don't know what to do to help so they just brush it off. it's good to know I'm not alone.

hang in there--we can make it through all this crap!

I'm sending you a hug with my thank-you.

[nevergiveup8]

Thank you all for your caring words and advice. I have barely left my house since I got home from a family vacation Saturday afternoon. Monday I was out for maybe an hour and then had dinner at my grandmother's house (instead of going to dinner and a movie with friends because I am too ashamed of the way I look to be in public), Tuesday I had two doctors appointments, and Wednesday I had a haircut. Yesterday I stayed at home all day and today I honestly plan to do the same. I have so much to get done but my skin is so horrible and I just can't swallow my pride and go out in public. I am so anxious about people seeing what I look like, and even more nervous that I might actually run into someone I know and have to talk to them. I called in sick to work yesterday and did not show up to a therapist appointment with my parents (who are both very concerned about me). I talked to my derm's nurse this morning, but I guarantee they will be of no help since everything they have suggested so far has made my acne much worse. I was invited to dinner tonight with two of my friends and to a party tomorrow night and I know I will not be able to go but I wish so badly that I could. I wish I looked like myself again. I wish I was happy and carefree again. I looked through pictures of my spring break trip from senior year and I saw a completely different person. Dressed nicely, perfectly clear skin, and, most importantly, a happy face smiling and laughing with friends. I never wish to be anyone else, I just wish to be my old self again.

Hello Nevergiveup8,
I hope you're feeling a little better today. I can relate to how you're feeling. I have some suggestions for you. You've been seeing a dermatologist, and everything they recommend has made your acne worse? Have you had any blood work done? Allergy tests? You might have an allergy, or a vitamin or mineral deficiency. Years back, I was breaking out like crazy. It seems I had developed more of an intolerance to dairy products. I'd always suspected lactose intolerance, but it had gotten much worse. So, I followed my intuition and cut back on dairy. My acne cleared up. Even today, if I indulge in some ice cream or cheese, I'll break out, and my dark circles under my eyes will get even darker. I've read so much about dairy allergies, and what I've learned is that they make your skin look awful esp. if you have even the slightest intolerance. You might want to test for a wheat allergy too. Think about it......an allergen enters into your bloodstream as an invader, and your immune system releases histamines and other chemicals, such as blood thinning chemicals, designed to rid your body of that invader. Your major elimination organs are the kidneys and liver, and the biggest one is your skin. If these chemicals in your bloodstream are causing inflammation, and are certainly reaching your skin, you are very likely to break out. Hives are another skin reaction to allergies, but not the only one. You could also be lacking in some important vitamins that will also help decrease inflammation in your body such as the B vitamins. I hope no one will think I'm claiming to know more than doctors, but I just don't understand why symptoms are continued to be treated separately from the whole body. I can't imagine the treatments and creams or washes you've wasted your money on. I've done the same thing. I'm just passing on the information I've learned over the years through self study and real trial and error tests on myself. Go see a doctor who will test your blood and skin for allergies, and possible nutritional deficiencies. Our food is so depleted of the nutrients it should have. I hope this helps.

one more thing I almost forgot. if you can, ask to test for hormonal imbalances too. that can be another internal issue that shows up on your skin.

[coneyislandbaby]

Originally Posted by nevergiveup8

I have nothing left to live for. I have been struggling for so long and have tried so hard to push through and make it out on the other side, but it's almost as if every time i take a step forward, I am faced with an even greater problem to overcome and end up taking a million steps back. I feel hopeless, hateful, angry, sad, upset, anxious... you name it. I feel so alone and I know that the only people who still care about me (basically, my family) are tired of hearing me whine and complain. I am tired too. Tired of having no energy, tired of nothing going my way, tired of looking like crap and feeling even worse. I literally don't even have the energy to commit suicide. I just want to lay down in my bed and sleep until I die.

I hear you. I punched a door and now I'm disabled for 6 weeks. All I care about is my bike and my guitar. Now I've got nothing.

Hope you see that light at the end of the tunnel soon.

[betrayed by my own]

I can relate to what this person feels, for I feel the same way....only it's my own family that has turned on me because I'm not "normal" like them; I can not think like them, act like them or socialize like them...all they want to do is beat me within an inch of my life to make me straighten up(this is what hey have told me many times)...they won't listen to the fact that I have a mental illness, or that I can not control it like one would control a dog or a horse...nobody wants to hear that & nobody wants to hear that I need help & support....professional help not just a shoulder to lean on from time to time...they don't understand & refuse to take the time to learn.

I have 2 weeks from today(29-June-2012) to move out...Question is, move out to where? I would love to have my own place but even if I spend all my disability check, I still will never have enough $$$ in 2 weeks.
where I live, you can not touch a place to live for less than $1500 for the first month....then it's $650 a month after that....I only get $600 a month.

makes me think why bother with anything....

[Anneinside]

Originally Posted by betrayed by my own

I can relate to what this person feels, for I feel the same way....only it's my own family that has turned on me because I'm not "normal" like them; I can not think like them, act like them or socialize like them...all they want to do is beat me within an inch of my life to make me straighten up(this is what hey have told me many times)...they won't listen to the fact that I have a mental illness, or that I can not control it like one would control a dog or a horse...nobody wants to hear that & nobody wants to hear that I need help & support....professional help not just a shoulder to lean on from time to time...they don't understand & refuse to take the time to learn.

I have 2 weeks from today(29-June-2012) to move out...Question is, move out to where? I would love to have my own place but even if I spend all my disability check, I still will never have enough $$$ in 2 weeks.
where I live, you can not touch a place to live for less than $1500 for the first month....then it's $650 a month after that....I only get $600 a month.

makes me think why bother with anything....

Have you looked into public housing (Section 8 in US) or group homes?

[Hippiegirl1969]

I had a bestfriend kill himself a little over a month ago. No matter how bad you feel, you don't even begin to know how much it screwed up all of his friends and even our school. Kids who didn't even know him were balling in the bathroom. He was my bestfriend an he was the only one I could talk to. I'm struggling without him here, and I don't want to live either. I don't know what I'm going to do wihout him here to help me all the time. I miss him more than anyhing, and would give my own life to see him for 5 more minutes. Your life could be worse, cause mine does.