[sobergirl]

Hi all, this is my first time here and I am so grateful to have a place to come to. I do nothing the majority of the time and what's almost as bad as how this gets me down on myself, my fiance can't stand it either. I dread when he calls from work, or gets home from work, and asks what I did all day. I can see it in his eyes, the dissapointment. I try to tell him I am doing the best I can. It does not matter to him anymore. I have been hospitalized twice in the past couple of months for my depression and I have been getting ect. The guilt and shame I feel is overwhelming, not to mention th to actually bee fear it brings on that he is mad at me, which doubles the already intense guilt and shame. I try to be as perfect as I can with him, but it's like I am walking on eggshells as to not get him upset. I love him, but I am afraid he may be making my situation worse. I am so down I can't even start planning the wedding which is in three months. I don't know how to feel any better and get motivatedand and actually be a part of life. thanks for reading my post. Peace to us all.

[regretful]

This is a good place to find support. I know what you mean about being down on yourself, and know equally how bad it feels to have a partner (in my case, my wife) who can't stand living with a depressed person...It's an illness; simple as that. You got motivated to find this forum, motivated to type, and motivated to reach out. It may be a small set of steps, but its a start. Best wishes to you.

[Leed]

Sweetie, this is NOT your fault. You are doing NOTHING WRONG. You have a disease -- the disease of depression. And if he cannot understand that, then maybe you should postpone the wedding, huh? It might be a good idea. He just does NOT understand, and he is NOT compassionate. He is being CRUEL right now. If he is making you feel badly and guilty, then maybe he really isn't the "right one" for you!! He should be holding you and making you feel safe, but he's NOT. He's making you feel fearful, and making you walk on "eggshells." He should NOT be doing that!! Why is he being so cruel? Why is he making you feel so worthless?

Like I said, he should be making you feel safe, and he's not doing it. I think you should postpone the wedding to get youself time to think about this wedding and whether or not he's the right guy. I really don't think he is. I think he's a big cruel and he doesn't understand. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't understand and who is totally impatient with you? He will probably be yelling at you all the time because things aren't done or you "aren't good enough." You need more time, honey.

Just think about it. If he's making you feel this bad now, how is it going to be when you're married? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[sobergirl]

Hi and thanks for the replies. I hear what you are saying Lee and all that has crossed my mind. One thing I am trying to consider is that he is going through a great deal of emotional trauma right now. He has some old family issues that have resurfaced and they are very troubling. Therefore, just as I want his understanding and compassion, I am trying to have the same for him. peace