Am I depressed?

I don't like groups of people. I never want to go to family gatherings or any gatherings. I only have 2 friends that I hang out with seperately. One of which is my boyfriend, who I seem to be ruining my relationship with. I'm stuck in a bad situation, can't find a job, hate where I am living, but can't move out.. My boyfriend lives 180 miles away.. I miss him every day, but when he does come to visit I can't spend more than part of the day with him without getting irritable because I feel like I need alone time. I don't know what my problem is..
I can't find the motivation to go out and physically apply for jobs because I believe I have social anxiety, the words won't come out of my mouth and I feel stupid and like a failure when I have done this in the past. I don't like ordering food at restaurants, although I do it because I don't want to look even more stupid. I don't like eating the food, although I do it... I'm just so uncomfortable I get sweaty and shaky, and my mind feels blank... Like every experience is a haze.
I know I need to shake this because my life will not go anywhere if I don't get a job, and I am miserable with my home life, and my only option out is getting a job and saving up. I live in a city filled with gang violence, not to mention that I have lived here my whole life, which my child hood was super ****** so everytime I go outside and see my neighborhood, my past haunts me and messes with my head, making me feel even worse about myself. I have seriously considered just taking my puppy and hitchhiking somewhere new, don't even care where, and hopefully being able to live and find a better, happy place for me. By the way, I am currently collecting food stamps, 200 dollars a month to live off..
I know this all happened because of me, and I accept responsibility.. But I feel like I need help getting out of this, my mind s not right... I also just got diagnosed with Herpes type 2 last week... so that took a lot out of me... "/ I have a vision of what I want my life to be, yet I can;t seem to find the right path to get there... If anyone can relate to this situation in any way, please let me know and tell me how you cope, because I have absolutely no body to talk to, which is why I am reaching out on this website..

It's a good step that you are writing this out on here to get support.

It seems like you are going through anxiety (shakiness, sweating, concentration problem). You feel like you have no control over your life especially based on external factors. The ones you can control are your negative emotions. Don't ignore your problems, face them and be in control. It's great that you are acknowledging all your feelings but it takes time and do'nt give up hope

Hi kelseyraeann....Thanks for posting. So sorry you're feeling bad about your life. Sounds like you're dealing with quite a few difficult things, and It's good that you're reaching out. You ask in the title of your post if you're depressed. While there are lots of caring people here on the site who would like to hear your thoughts and respond with kindness, the truth is none of us can really answer that question for you. Depression is a complicated and serious illness, and should not be diagnosed on the internet by people who are not qualified to do that....no matter how much we care. You mention so many things in your post, there is a lot to untangle! If you have a regular doctor, have you spoken to them about your concerns? Or perhaps a counselor? If not, then either would be a good place to start. Are you in school? (You don't mention your age.) If you are, then there is very likely a counselor on staff who you could see. If you don't have that option, then you could call your county's Health and Human Services Department, which almost always includes a Mental Health division, and get started there. The important thing is to reach out to caring people who are there to help, and have more knowledge to do it. And in the meantime us forum people will be here to listen and chat. Best Wishes.....