Perhaps this isn't real

Hi there. I'm new and never posted on a forum before, but here goes... I'm a 26 year old female in the UK, I'm also a qualified MH nurse, not that that helps. Qualified in 2008, but am currently off work again for MH reasons. Now been off six months. This is my fourth episode in three years. Gets tougher everytime. Nothing helps. Symptoms? Can't sleep. Feel wound up. Cry too much. At nothing. Just want to hide from anyone, people just think I'm odd. I know they can tell what I'm thinking, and I don't feel in control. Forgotten who I am. Auto pilot mode don't help. I'm being haunted by a ghost who won't leave me alone. Everything always goes wrong and I can never see it happening. My boss told me I have a problem. Helpful. All or nothing. Last year had a few months where I thought this had gone. I could do anything and got loads done. Then it just went wrong. Don't know how. Wish I had an off switch. Help. Hate bothering people with this crap. Will it stop? Losing faith.*

Hello & Welcome, Dontfeellikeme!
Bother us. That's why we're here.

Speculation: Four episodes in three years -- high probability of recurrence without dedicated treatment/therapy (but you already know that).

What treatment are you currently receiving - therapy and/or meds? (No need to answer.)

Again, Welcome! Please continue to look around and post.

Welcome, Dontfeellikeme!

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time at the moment! Do you have access to a therapist or other forms of support where you live?

I know what it's like not to be understood by the boss and also having to deal with relapses into depression again and again.

I hope you get a lot out of PC.

Post as much as you want.

Hugs from Shadow-world

Hi there, thankyou so much for replying. Things still are not sorting out. I have access to a clinical psychologist from NHs but to be honest the sessions just wind me up. I'm afraid the same old advice of being nice to yourself dont help me. I don't want to waste anyone's time. I am on meds. Quetiapine and mirtazapine. I don't want to change again. I don't know. Thanks x

Thanks Shadow, feels like I've tried everything but get nowhere. Boss just makes out its me with a problem.