[Andy90]

Hi everyone, I've been reading a few posts on here today and noticed how nice everyone seems to be regardless of any problems someone is having.

I am a 21 year old male, I live with my fiancée, our 2 year old boy and another little boy due to be born next week. I have always been known as a happy person, someone who cheers everyone up and makes them feel better when they're down, someone who deals with everyone else's problems to make sure they're happy, but what nobody knows is that inside I feel like crap.

I haven't worked since 2008 (other than charity work now and again) because I'm scared of meeting new people and I have a problem with speaking to people I don't know, I start shaking, sweating, getting dizzy, etc. I have been to many job interviews and always mess them up because of the way I act when I meet them.

I don't really have any friends because I'm the kind of person who prefers my own company.

People tend to avoid me because of the way I am when I'm around people.

All of these things make me feel like crap, but I feel like I can't control any of it. I'm afraid of life itself, and I am not afraid of dying. If I didn't have my fiancée and children then I don't think I would still be hear today, I am clutching onto life with a piece of straw for my family and the linger I'm here then worse I feel.

The only time I feel genuinely happy is when I'm spending time with my family, or at night when I feel as though I'm the only person in the world and I have nothing to worry about for the whole night.

Words cannot explain exactly how I feel but I really do wish there was a way I could explain it because everything I say just seems to be a load of gobbledygook.

I am afraid of telling the job centre or my doctor that I feel like this as I worry that they'll think I'm lying. Although, a couple of weeks ago I went to the doctor as I have been suffering with back pain since I was young so I have regular visits to see if my pain relief medication needs changing. Anyway, I was getting very upset telling the doctor that nobody seems to believe that I suffer with back pains. Then he asked me if I feel down a lot, I simple just said "yes" and said no more. He then prescribed me a tablet called Sertraline. I was happy with that as I assumes they would make me feel better, but if anything I have felt worse over the past few weeks.

I really do want to tell my doctor exactly how I'm feeling, but I'm too scared. I can't tell my mum because she has a lot of her own problems and I don't want to pile anymore on top of them, I can't tell my partner because I don't know how seriously she will take me, I just don't feel like I can tell anybody.

I came here hoping someone would have some advice that will help me to take my first steps. I want to feel happy, I don't like the fact that I'd be happy to die.

Thank you for reading.

Sent from my SGS3 using Tapatalk 2

[Rohag]

Hello & Welcome, Andy90!

Sertraline is an antidepressant medication also used for anxiety and other disorders. Although it may take weeks to start feeling better on antidepressants, it's advisable to report the fact you are feeling worse to your prescribing doctor. These types of medication can be highly individual in their effects and side-effects.

Originally Posted by Andy90

I am afraid of telling the job centre or my doctor that I feel like this as I worry that they'll think I'm lying.

Your doctor has already prescribed you an antidepressant. I don't know what he is thinking, but he apparently saw a use for sertraline based on your words and behaviour.

Depending on the people at the job centre, they may be able to work with you if they know you have specific challenges, such as chronic pain and "situation-specific anxiety issues". Please, exploit these forums to experiment with different ways of explaining your struggles and experience. Gobbledygook is welcome here! Shape it and reshape it until it suits you.

Congratulations on the birth of your second son!

[LiveThroughThis]

Originally Posted by Andy90

Hi everyone, I've been reading a few posts on here today and noticed how nice everyone seems to be regardless of any problems someone is having.

I have always been known as a happy person, someone who cheers everyone up and makes them feel better when they're down, someone who deals with everyone else's problems to make sure they're happy, but what nobody knows is that inside I feel like crap.

I don't really have any friends because I'm the kind of person who prefers my own company.

The only time I feel genuinely happy is when I'm spending time with my family, or at night when I feel as though I'm the only person in the world and I have nothing to worry about for the whole night.

Words cannot explain exactly how I feel but I really do wish there was a way I could explain it because everything I say just seems to be a load of gobbledygook.

I really do want to tell my doctor exactly how I'm feeling, but I'm too scared. I can't tell my mum because she has a lot of her own problems and I don't want to pile anymore on top of them, I can't tell my partner because I don't know how seriously she will take me, I just don't feel like I can tell anybody.

I came here hoping someone would have some advice that will help me to take my first steps. I want to feel happy, I don't like the fact that I'd be happy to die.

Thank you for reading.
Sent from my SGS3 using Tapatalk 2

I relate to much of this. Particularly the "everyone else sees me as the happy/helpful person." I've always been labeled that way by others, but I've been deceptively good at hiding depression/anxiety.

I'm with you about feeling good at night. I always have. I feel more myself, more creative, more free, really. It's peaceful at night, moreso than in the day---it's always been that way.

I hope you can get over your fear of talking to your doc. That's what he's there for---to give feedback to, tell him how the med is making you feel, etc. They're supposed to be there to help us, not make us feel inconsequential.

You said you couldn't put into words how you were feeling. You may feel that way, but to me you've done a great job at articulating what your issues/setbacks are. I commend you for taking that courageous step to reach out.

[MariaMagdalene2005]

It sounds like you suffer a social phobia, many people suffer different types of phobias, you just need to learn to deal with it, the irrational fears may make you have negative thinking about yourself consequently making you become depressed. Look for counseling or therapy, there are many non profit organizations that offer counseling at low cost. You are still young and therapy work wonders in young people. We all have issues, nobody is "normal". Try not to be to harsh on yourself.

[Andy90]

Thanks for your replies, and it's good to know I'm not the only one. Sometimes it's good to talk to people who are suffering from the same things as yourself.

Sent from my SGS3 using Tapatalk 2

[Andy90]

The main reason I feel so depresses is because I'm scared of working. I don't like being around too many people, especially people I don't know. I start worrying that they're judging me and that they think I'm being funny with them because I try to avoid confrontation.

If I had a life where I didn't have to be around too many people then I would be happy, but that's not a possibility, I have to make money somehow. I did learn web development so I could work from home, and I was doing very well until half the world took up the same occupation, now there's no work for it.

Sent from my SGS3 using Tapatalk 2