I have been alone for so long...
I know that I am introverted and more of a recluse/hermit type.
I have always been this way.
I have not had a relationship w/ a woman in 20 years.
Now I get even more older.

How do you cope?
How do you deal with the pain?
It's been for so many years...
It just continues with no end.
Can't be social, though I've tried.
No friends except, for depression.

So how do you cope, when you know
you will always be alone...?

[unaluna]

That sounds like the lyrics from "Branded", the "other" Chuck O'Connor (The Rifleman) show.

"For the rest
of your life
You must prove... You're a man!"

For me, the answer has been to take the sense of community I get from my PC peeps and carry that feeling with me into the world. I kinda feel like I have my friends here looking over my shoulder at the coffee shop, standing in line with me, synchronized swimming with me - ya feel me? They're like a good, supportive, encouraging family, they - we - got your back, always.

When i'm here at this site, I picture all of us in a long line, someone standing in front of me, someone standing behind me, but we never meet...
sounds weird but that what it's like.

Yes, "For the rest
of your life
You must prove... You're a man!"

i tell my T that when i have to cry in front of her.
That i should be tuff i'm a guy...
she don't remark about it..

[unaluna]

if I tell my T to be tuff and not cry, he'll just throw the babydoll he's holding at me what's wrong with
these pictures?? and btw what have you absconded with?!

I knew the rifleman....

Just lookin for a pic of the way i've felt lately....

(figurin' how to post)

abscond [əbˈskɒnd]

from Latin abscondere to hide, put away,
absconder

to depart secretly and hide oneself

CREDIT merriam-dictionary

`

Abscondist - My own dictionary

Antisocial Personality Disorder -
Generalized Anxiety Disorder

[unaluna]

oh, I always thought of it as someone absconding with the goods, idk why. now i'll have to google search all literature - but i'm betting it's in Little Men! And one of the little boys absconded with all the tea cakes and got a bellyache. We had 3 books in our house growing up, and that was one of them. I wasn't allowed to read it, it was for boys, just like I wasn't allowed to watch the Rifleman. but i'm making up for it now! it's on every day at 6pm! I'm addicted!

YEP,

ONE OF MY FAV'S BACK THEN.

WAS ALOT OF WESTERNS ON TV BACK THEN.

I'LL NEVER BE AS COOL AS THEM...

[CgRgSm]

To the OP - I am the same way. A loner, for life. I've tried to be social too, never works. I look at the tv screen at work where they post work-friendly/positive messages and it says "Impossible is not a fact". I just think about that and for me, I say it may not be a fact, but there are some things that just can't happen. For me that thing is to be social, and while I can't prove it, it seems like I will never be with anybody. I mean, no one wants to be around someone who is so depressed all the time. It is a vicious cycle that never ends for me. It disturbs me every day, I think about it every day.

How do I cope with these thoughts? I try to pretend I'm not human and don't have human emotions or feelings, like a robot. But then it always catches back up and I look at other people and can't help but to be jealous of this unknown thing (to me) that is called "happiness". Can't help but to be human, and have these instincts, even if I don't really want children. Every day I keep trying to convince myself there is no point to being with anybody if I don't want kids so that I might be ok in my mind.

In case you really want to know (you probably don't), but it isn't that I don't want kids because of the hardships of raising and taking care of them, but because I would never want anyone to feel how I feel in my life. I would never want to force someone into the world and even take a small chance that they would feel the misery I do.

In a way, I want someone to share life with, but I know with my problems, no one would want to associate with me after awhile.
BAD COMPANY, I'd be.

They say "there is someone for everyone", or, "some people are meant to be alone". Contradictive.

I'm my own worse company.

Don't want to get married at my age, or start a family.
Ain't there even someone with identical problems that would be perfect for me..?

I know it can't happen, but I bet my therapist could find a match for me...

i'm sorry that you are feeling this way.

i agree that's not nice

have you tried everything?

for example, do you think you could look in to a local club you can join?. something that you enjoy doing?. nothing big, even if it's just meeting with a group to play a game once a week or maybe something to do with art, or drama... what ever you like.

as for how to cope, i've been alone all my life too (well apart from family who don't really give a crap about me), i suppose you just eventually get used to it. with me, i've found forums and stuff where i can comunicate with others

hugs

SS

Thx SS for your reply.
I have a social anxiety disorder.
I had an anxiety attack the other day
at the Drs office w8ing room.
I cannot even think about being in a group.
Forums are OK to read, but lack personal (in person) interaction.
I guess your right, you just get use to it,
as there is nothing else to do, and there is no answer.

just can't stand it anymore...