[Bark]

It feels great when I do I'm doing something to help. I helped make dinner today, and kept wondering if I was doing simple things right, and it felt really good when she kept telling me "good" and "perfect" and things like that. Made me feel like I wasn't just screwing things up.

Of course, the tiniest things still really get to me. I remember I hadn't washed my hands and told her that, but she didn't really realize, apparently. I forgot there was a sink so close by and thought I had to leave the kitchen. I didn't touch any food with my hands, made sure, but still. She didn't make a huge fuss of it, just a bit of surprise, but still, I felt like I had just killed her cat. I apologized, but I was still thinking about it during dinner. I'm still thinking about it now over an hour later!

It's always the little things that really get to me. I still think about little things that happened years ago. Like how in Grade 2 I couldn't remember what a word was on a test. My eyes happened to wander onto someone else's paper, and they were on the same page, and I saw the answer, and I was 10000% sure that was the correct answer. But I started wondering if I should actually write it down... what if I hadn't remembered the answer? Was it right? I ended up writing down the answer. I can still remember this over a decade later! I think I made the right choice....

[Broken Angel]

Every good thing, starts with tiny things.. It doesn't need to be perfect or great to make someone happy. Even just a smile can make someone's day..

[Rohag]

Intropunitive? Hypersensitive? -- Concepts to pursue, maybe...

[Blue Poppy]

It is not like you spit in the food! I think you can give yourself a break.

I am very sensitive and feel like a cad if I make any sort of mistake. I remember all of the mistakes too.

It is your brain playing games with you........to be able to highlight all of the negatives/mistakes and not recognize the positives/accomplishments. I have to remind myself of this often................

[roads]

Remember to give yourself a big smile when you do well. You deserve it!

[Bark]

Thanks guys. I find it really hard to be proud of anything I do. I have to tell myself I deserve something or did something well, otherwise I'll pretty much ignore it or shrug it off. When I think of what I would say to myself if I was another person, the hypocrisy is pretty interesting: by virtue of it being me, everything negative I do is amplified and everything positive minimized, while it's the reverse when it's other people.

I'm not even totally sure what it was, but I went from enjoying playing cards to getting irritable to hating myself again. (Just little things.) I absolutely hate bothering others or getting them upset or feeling misunderstood or... I guess it was somewhat of a combination tonight.

And it kinda bothers me that I've started posting around here and bothering you guys with these things.... And I haven't given a helpful reply yet... because I don't think it'll be helpful and it'll somehow make things worse and I'll say it wrong and it won't be appreciated and I'm just wasting space with it.... And even something as simple as a hug on here: why did that person deserve it and not someone else? You're picking some people and ignoring others. How would you feel if everyone else got a hug except for you?

(((((( Everyone on PC ))))))

(But wouldn't that include the spambots....)