Self esteem

I'm sorry to start a whole new thread, but I couldn't really choose a category since there are so many different things I would like to talk about, and I am sure a lot of you can relate. I need to get some realistic advice (hopefully) from people who have been in my situation and from anyone who may know how to help or has helped themselves out of the situation. So I will just tell my story, for who ever will take the time to read it and understand. I want you to know, if you do read this, I really sincerely appreciate it!

I am a 19 year old female. I have had social anxiety since I was a child. When I was in probably 3rd grade, one of my friends from school called me fat. That was the first time I got called fat, btw. I have always been a little bigger. I'm not hugely obese, my BMI is 25 or something, so it is only one over the average limit, but still "over weight". I have never looked good or been comfortable with my body. I got my first boyfriend when I was in 7th grade, and when ever we got into fights he would call me a ***** and a slut and a ***** and pretty much every bad name you could think of. He also used to tell me to lose weight all the time, which I believe is why I feel so down on myself. I don't know what to do to lose weight. I try to eat healthy but I can't always afford it. I go for walks all the time but all of my weight is carried in my belly area mostly, and my hips and my back. I don't really know how to get rid of it anymore, I've tried crunches but that doesn't make it go away. I also have ugly inner thighs I just want to have a nice body so that I can feel comfortable with myself, I don't even like looking at myself naked let alone letting my current boyfriend see me naked. I wear baggy clothes to cover it up for the most part, and I would like to dress nice and look good for when I go out and stuff, but I always feel like I look ugly in clothes that are "cute"... What kind of diets can I try? What kind of exercises can I do to help lose my belly, back, and thigh fat? I'm embarassed even writing this but I don't know what to do.. I feel so down on myself all the time, I cant afford a gym member ship and I am too embarassed to work out in public anyways. I have no equipment at home. Not to mention it has been like a billion degrees outside so it feels miserable out there... I also am a smoker so running is difficult for me, although I do it sometimes with my puppy, I just run until I have trouble breathing then walk until I feel up for it again...

Anyways, if there is anything any of you can suggest for me, I would really appreciate it guys.. Thank you

I can relate to how you feel 100%. im probably not going to be very helpful but i wanted to let you know youre not alone. i feel like this myself. ive been called fat too as a child and i feel thats a big reason im so self counsious today :/ i just wanted to say good luck and i hope things turn around.

So sorry that life has been so difficult for you...as for your questions, there are a couple of things that you can try. Diets, for the most part, do not work. There is plenty of research out there about that. What is necessary is a lifestyle change. You're on the right track with the ideas about diet and exercise. Visit a site called www.myfitnesspal.com and there you will find a lot of free ideas and inspirational stories about people who have lost a lot of weight (100 pounds or more). A lot of people also have success with those workouts that are on the info-mercials like P90x and Insanity.

Hi my friend ~ I'm not going to be very helpful eiher as far as exercising, etc. since I'm physically unable to exercise due to spinal problems. But I think too much is stressed about being thin. Being thin can be unhealthy for one thing, and for another, most men don't LIKE "thin" women. They prefer women who have curves -- women who have some 'meat' on their bones! They don't want bony women, like you see in the ads, or the models on the runway/catwalk.

The last I knew, the average woman in the U.S. was 5'4" tall and weighed about l40lbs. Yes, that's a bit overweight, but it's NOT obese and it doesn't look THAT bad!!! If God had meant us to be bony, he would have built us differently. Our weight just automatically goes to our mid-section, especially as we get older. It's something we really can't help, unless we go to the gym daily. And I dont know about YOU, but I have better things to do. I'm NOT going to let my life be run by my weight, darn it. I'm not obese -- I'm 5'2" and I weigh about 125 -- yes i could lose about 10 lbs. That 10 lbs is sitting right in my belly/butt and it drives me nuts, but I can't get rid of it. I've had 2 kids and I guess that's part of the reason. LOL

You need to learn to accept and LOVE yourself for WHO you are, not WHAT you are. You are beautiful just the way you are!!! Women who are overweight ARE beautiful -- and there ARE gorgeous clothes out there for "plus size" women. Not that long ago, I WAS in plus size, so i know!

Yes, it's healthy to exercise, but try to love yourself anyway just the way you are. Some folks just don't reduce easily regardless of what they do. So just love YOU! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

Hi kelseyraeann......I'm sorry you're struggling with your weight, and all the bad feelings that come with it. I've had that struggle myself, and it's so hard. The other posters have given some good advice, and there's not much I can add, so I'll leave it at that. But here's what really caught my eye....you're 19 years old and you say "I'm a smoker".....what the heck is that about?? Why do you choose to damage your body in that way? There simply is NOTHING a person can do that causes more health problems than smoking cigarettes. It's general knowledge, but on a personal level I have no parents (both died way too early) for one reason....their choice to smoke. Plus as an X-Ray tech I saw what it does to the body, and unfortunately got to witness that first diagnosis of cancer, COPD, and many other diseases....many of which will cut your life short, and make it pretty miserable in the meantime. I do wish you all the luck in the world with losing weight, but I sure hope that someday you also look inside and give some thought to the choice you're making. You are very young, and to have an addiction is not going to improve your long-term outlook, regardless of how your body looks on the outside. And btw, regardless of the rumor, there is nothing "cool" about smoking. Just ask someone in the last stages of lung cancer (something I went through with my sweet Mom, who died at the age of 62). Best Wishes.....

There is nothing wrong with wanting to lose weight. Lots of overweight people want to lose weight for same reasons - to look better and to be healthier. It's very unfortunate in this society that we get judged and stereotyped on how we look, but WE DO and I don't know how we are supposed to change society. The beauty industry, health industry, diet industry and plastic surgeons all do very well because of this fact! I know people say they want to lose weight to look better, although their health should be the #1 reason. I also know people who have lost a lot of weight and then feel better about themselves. Diets don't work so don't think about starving yourself! There are some really stupid diets out there! If you eat a lot of veggies, fruit, whole grains, legumes, lean meat and cut the junk food, that's a good start. Just don't overeat and don't eat right after exercising! Exercising for health benefits and weight loss will help. I found the most effective exercise program combined resistance training (anaerobic exercise) followed by aerobic exercise. Do the anaerobic exercise first (it really relies on the glycogen in your muscles) and then the aerobic (cardio exercise can use fat for fuel, ie. doing cardio for a certain length of time can put you into fat burning mode). Research the hierarchy of weight loss. Excerpt from Alwyn Cosgrove Hierarchy of Weight Loss:

"Overweight subjects were assigned to three groups: diet-only, diet plus aerobics, diet plus aerobics plus weights. The diet group lost 14.6 pounds of fat in 12 weeks. The aerobic group lost only one more pound (15.6 pounds) than the diet group (training was three times a week starting at 30 minutes and progressing to 50 minutes over the 12 weeks).
The weight training group lost 21.1 pounds of fat (44% and 35% more than diet and aerobic only groups respectively). Basically, the addition of aerobic training didn’t result in any real world significant fat loss over dieting alone.
Thirty-six sessions of up to 50 minutes is a lot of work for one additional pound of fat loss. However, the addition of resistance training greatly accelerated fat loss results."

It did work for me. I lost weight by doing a lot of strength training!