[mentalhopscotch]

Lately I've been wondering if I should try to go on meds. I've been dealing with mild to moderate depression for years, and it's increased in the past few months because of my sister's newborn son dying and the subsequent freak out on my mother's part (screaming at me and my sister about petty things just days after the infant's death). Plus added onto that are financial issues.

I'm filled with not only depression but anger as well, plus I've dealt with general anxiety since I was about 19/20 (5-6 years). I've been physically ill with stress and I've developed red splotches on my neck. I'm fantasizing about self-harm, which I have a history of but haven't acted on since like 2008 at the request of my significant other.

I'm scared to go on meds since the last time I did it escalated within a couple weeks to the only time I've ever seriously contemplated suicide. It completely pushed me over the edge to the point where I was sitting in the bathroom at work ready to end it (don't want to give details). Then I was so terrified of the medicine that I stopped cold turkey, which put me in a catatonic state for a few days. And this was just a small daily dosage of anti-depressant medication. My Dr. was willing to give me an even smaller dosage but I was too scared.

With how I've been feeling recently, I'm starting to think that I do need medicine or to be committed for a few days or something. I feel like something drastic has to be done.

I'm just at a loss for what to do.

[whimsygirl]

Originally Posted by mentalhopscotch

Lately I've been wondering if I should try to go on meds. I've been dealing with mild to moderate depression for years, and it's increased in the past few months because of my sister's newborn son dying and the subsequent freak out on my mother's part (screaming at me and my sister about petty things just days after the infant's death). Plus added onto that are financial issues.

I'm filled with not only depression but anger as well, plus I've dealt with general anxiety since I was about 19/20 (5-6 years). I've been physically ill with stress and I've developed red splotches on my neck. I'm fantasizing about self-harm, which I have a history of but haven't acted on since like 2008 at the request of my significant other.

I'm scared to go on meds since the last time I did it escalated within a couple weeks to the only time I've ever seriously contemplated suicide. It completely pushed me over the edge to the point where I was sitting in the bathroom at work ready to end it (don't want to give details). Then I was so terrified of the medicine that I stopped cold turkey, which put me in a catatonic state for a few days. And this was just a small daily dosage of anti-depressant medication. My Dr. was willing to give me an even smaller dosage but I was too scared.

With how I've been feeling recently, I'm starting to think that I do need medicine or to be committed for a few days or something. I feel like something drastic has to be done.

I'm just at a loss for what to do.

Hi hopscotch....Wow it sounds like you've been through a lot. My heart goes out to you. I wish I had something helpful to say regarding the medication issue, but I'm afraid all I can really say is that I've been where you are, or somewhere similar, anyway. Although I know I haven't been through as much as other people have as far as trying endless meds (lack of insurance has not allowed that).....I have been on and off of some, (plus a lot of "natural" supplements....and nothing has worked for me so far. I've been off of everything for quite some time now. As you mention, there are definitely risks involved with trying new options, and yet there is also that idea that SOMETHING might actually make a difference. Although I really can't afford the out-of-pocket cost at this time, I'm also feeling like I should probably try again. Wishing both of us good luck in figuring all of this out......Take Care.

[mentalhopscotch]

Originally Posted by whimsygirl

Hi hopscotch....Wow it sounds like you've been through a lot. My heart goes out to you. I wish I had something helpful to say regarding the medication issue, but I'm afraid all I can really say is that I've been where you are, or somewhere similar, anyway. Although I know I haven't been through as much as other people have as far as trying endless meds (lack of insurance has not allowed that).....I have been on and off of some, (plus a lot of "natural" supplements....and nothing has worked for me so far. I've been off of everything for quite some time now. As you mention, there are definitely risks involved with trying new options, and yet there is also that idea that SOMETHING might actually make a difference. Although I really can't afford the out-of-pocket cost at this time, I'm also feeling like I should probably try again. Wishing both of us good luck in figuring all of this out......Take Care.

Thanks. good luck to you too.

[regretful]

Hello...I, too, was anti-meds until the depression got so bad that I couldn't get out of bed without crying and thinking very dark, lonely thoughts. When people who really cared for me suggested that meds would help, I still resisted. Eventually, I saw my primary MD and started a low dose of Cymbalta. I'm about 6 weeks into it, and I acknowledge that it is helping. When it's a newer medication, often you can tell your doc that you need samples, and that will defray some of the cost.

Also, when/if you do go on medication again, please don't stop cold turkey. That can cause all kinds of problems. I stopped wellbutrin abruptly, and was a mess for about 2 weeks...further, do not drink on any medication - it screws everything up. If the first med didn't work, then ask for another - I was on lexapro once, and it worked like a charm. The next time, it was horrible...then wellbutrin (didn't work), and now cymbalta with medical supervision and good success...

[CastlesInTheAir]

Try a therapist first??