Sigh

Just

okay dearheart, whats goin on, talk to us we're here and all eyes
Angie

I just feel like I've gotten on a lot of people's nerves and they don't want to listen to/read me anymore.

I want to attend the NAMI support/socialization groups in Appleton, but I'm scared to go.

I've been eating out of control the last couple of weeks.

I can't concentrate enough to get any work done. Staying on task for even 2 minutes seems out of the question at the moment.

The weather is so yucky today that I can't get outside. It's raining and windy and it cuts right into you and makes everything ache. We have a weather advisory in place until 10:00 tonight, and the rain isn't going anywhere for at least four more days.

I don't get a break this weekend and the kids will be here for three straight weeks while their dad goes on two different fishing trips.

I have my VA clinic appt. next Thursday and I haven't even sent out the release of records forms so they get my medical records. I have the forms for two of the clinics and haven't even requested them from the other two clinics. I've known I needed to do this for over two months.

There's more, but it's not worth talking about. It's stuff that I can't do anything about and shouldn't even care because it would mean someone close to me would have to die too in order for me to "enjoy" the same luxuries.

# 1. You are not getting on anyones nerves, it may be the weather or depression not you
#2. Fear is the detenator of all evil, go to the NAMI group there just as scared on there first time too
#3, You'll calm down and the eating will get under control, take Cinder for a run
#4. Breathe deeply the work will be there tomororow right, take a bubble bath
#5.-6. I can't think of anything to tell ya
#7. Get the papers out in the morning mail, treat them like there for your childrens health, you need to treat yourself as a child once and a while
# 8. when your ready you'll be able to talk about this
Angie

The work is always here. It's time I don't always have. I waste too much of it on being disorganized and distractible.

It's not helping that I halved my meds this week because I couldn't get into town for a refill before they ran out at full dose.

I'm not relishing a weekend of "Mom, I'm bored. Mom, spend money on me. Mom, mom, mom."

Hey Kiddo...Sometimes it seems like life is biting us in the butt. I care about you and what goes on for you.
I have been quiet on the boards all week and I am trying to work some of my own fears and disillusionments.
I CARE!

Thanks Susan.

P.S. To explain the dying thing - two people I know have had a parent or a husband die within the last several months and now they're both running around spending money like there's no tomorrow, like they're enjoying their deaths. They both died unexpectedly in their sleep. It's not like they were deteriorating from some fatal disease and they were telling these people to live it up once they were gone and the insurance money rolled in.

We all handle grief in different ways.
Maybe their spending habits of late are a way they are dealing with things as they are now.
Maybe it is a new found freedom that allows them to enjoy today instead of being sullen?
I am just speculating...of course.

Wi...you hang in there! If you have to take it hour by hour today that is okay. Do whatever it is to keep safe and have your mind feel some ease.

I can't even make it hour by hour. It's more like 5 minutes by 5 minutes. My brain doesn't want to stay on task for even 2 minutes, even when I'm working on my favorite doctors. I'll type a sentence or two of a report, and then go see if I got any email, and then if there are any replies or PMs in here, and then check Gmail, and then see if there's anything I want to order online, and then look in the refrigerator.

My inability to function in a work capacity has been really bothering me the last two weeks. I can't stop eating, can't stop playing computer games, can't stop accomplishing absolutely nothing.

I did take the dog for a short walk, but it's so cold and wet that even she didn't want to stay out there very long. We wandered around the big parking lot next to my house, she splashed around in a big puddle and then decided she was too cold and wet to stay outside. She's part water dog but didn't get the double, waterproof coat of one, just the webbed feet and urge to get wet.

I'm going to turn the heat up in here. To heck with gas prices. Weather.com says it's 40 but feels like 33. I have to agree, and it's that cold, damp kind of cold too.

I can't get started in motion and then stay there, at least not when it comes to earning money. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME??!!

I can sooooooooo relate to the motivation issue. I will find all kinds of things to do except what I should be doing.

Sorry I don't have answers for you. I do have lots of empathy though.

i have very important paperwork that i've known i could turn in for 10 days..........i've had three days off this week. i'm sitting here in a tee shirt and my panties....anyone want to come over and shove my --- into the shower? i am going to do this today. might be thte only thing i do....but i'm doing it.

pet, i've tried to contact you. glad to see a post from you. i miss you. ethel

Whatever it is that I have, it just feels like more than depression.

I feel like I'm two different people - the one who wants to be able to focus and the other one who can't, no matter what. It's a constant struggle.

And those two people I know intimately. At least in my own home.

You verbalized it so well by saying that. I honestly don't know what more to say ... except that in my own way, and with my own situation I really do understand.

Wishing some light and relief for you really soon!

I'm going to tell this new doctor on Thursday that I tried some of my daughter's unused ADD meds and I was actually able to focus and function like a normal human brain. I'm past the point of caring what they think about using meds prescribed to someone else. They were just sitting here going to waste.

I retook the ADD quiz. Last time I took it I scored in the 70s. Tonight I scored a 99.

My legs can't stand sitting at this desk anymore. They feel like I've got ants crawling on them and I have to shake them off. If I'd been able to concentrate, I could have been away from this f'ing thing at least 5 hours ago.

When the kids interrupt me to ask me something, I just want to snap at them because it's bad enough that I interrupt myself well enough without needing more help.

I hate being this way. It's totally messing with my life.

sigh back at cha. TC of yourself the best you can.

I'm not accomplishing any work at the moment, and I'm getting more and more irritated. I'm going to take the dog for a quick walk this minute so we'll both settle down. Neither one of us has gotten enough movement the last couple of days.

I hope you feel better soon. Please do not be hard on yourself. You are doing the best you can.

I hope today may be a little more productive day. Please don't be so hard on yourself.