[rolan86]

I feel like a failure, I just turned 20, and feel like I haven't lived life to the fullest. I spend my days getting up at noon, and moping around the house till it's time to go to bed (I've been on summer break). I just don't know where my life is headed. I'm in college, but feel very depressed about this. I feel very regretful with myself for not having tried in high school, and getting excited about college when I should have been. I ended up going to my "safety school", and will remain there after a rejected transfer application to me "dream" school". At the time in high school, I simply did not care. I was depressed about being lonely and having no friends, so college was not in my mind. Now all I can think about is how I'll finish my college years at the state school I never wanted to go to to begin with. I don't even want to hear the word "college" anymore, as it just keeps getting me down. I have two more years in college, and then I have no idea what I'm doing now. I keep toying with the idea of grad school, so I can maybe go to a school like yale or princeton (just throwing names out there), but then again realize that I have no direction to begin with. Would I really be going to grad school for the right reason? Or just chasing a dead dream?

Most kids in college it seems have a career plan set out, or at least a passion. I really have none. I have NEVER been interested in getting a job, or having a career or making lots of money or any of that. I've always been a musician, and that has always been a passion. It was always fun having that dream as a kid knowing that maybe you'll one day be a famous musician. My family used to always say that, and it was delightful. But now, reality hits. If I were to go with music, I would have to stick with it. But reality of it is, I just don't want to. I feel like I'm obligated to some sense to stay with music, because I'd be denying myself of who I am, but on another hand, the whole rock star image, well, it just isn't me! I love school (despite my inferiority complex with my school), but just don't know what direction to go. I've been majoring in political science so far, just because I felt I needed SOME major. It hasn't ignited any passion on me. I just chose it because it was sort of interesting. Did I ever have any passion to be a senator? To be in local government? To campaign for local politicians? No way! NONE of that sounds appealing to me! This might just be me though, as all majors sound unappetizing to me with their given career paths. History- do I want to be a history professor? No. Political science- do I want to work in politics? No. English- do I want to be an english teacher? No. Business- do I want to be a businessman? No. Music- do I want to study advanced theory so I can write songs for commercials? No. Science- Do I want to work in a lab? (eh... maybe... I don't know...) I could go on and on... I have no idea what I want to do, and this is getting me incredibly down.

Oh honey, I have so been where you are right now. I was such a depressed high school student. I too loved music, but not in a rockstar kind of way but rather a love of marching band. I stayed 3rd chair through high school it was the only thing in school I actually cared about. But when it came time for college, I didn't even try the music program. I guess I just figured I wasn't the best of the best so it was pointless and I wasn't really sure I wanted a career in music anyway. Lot's of ideas about what to major in ran through my head and I finally settled on Elementary Education. I figured I like kids, the information is easy, and it's a salaried position with possible tenure. I could live with that. By the way kudos to you for poli sci I took one intro course and ended up dropping it. Way out of my league.

Anywho, I didn't get accepted into my dream college either....bummer. I went to my back-up school. I thought I would hate it. Looking back, I'm, so glad I didn't get accepted to my first choice. With my major I had to also have a minor, from a specific list. I always liked reading, so I figured English. Two years into my degree I still couldn't pass a single class required for the minor. I changed to poi sci, and then to sociology. Really interesting by the way...it gives you permission to people watch and detach yourself from society. But I always felt that others just somehow knew what they wanted to be and do with their lives and I was just doing what I was supposed to do.

All of my unsuccess lead to the deepest, darkest depression I have ever experienced. Which landed me in campus counseling and off to psychiatrists and my first attempt at medication, which didn't go over so well. The side effects caused me to screw up more in school and I eventually came back home with nothing more than 4 yrs of memories and a pocket full of debt.

Long story short I took three years out of school to work and 'find myself'.

I realized that I hate working and have no desire to have a career. I also realize that most of these thoughts come from the depression, which is almost managed now. I learned that I actually hate children, I know what a cruel thing to say, but it's true and I admit it. After working with public service on and off my whole life, including now. It hit me one day, I'm on the wrong side of this business. I enrolled at a community college (unthinkable to me when in high school) in Business Admin. and Accounting. Funny to me I always hated math in school, but it just makes sense to me. Don't get me wrong, I don't think of it as a dream job, but more as something I am capable of doing and learning and it pays the kind of salary for the kind of hrs I like to work. Leaving me more time with people I care about and time and money to vacation or whatever I might feel like doing.

My point is, you are very young, and I mean no offense by that at all, but there is a lot left to life. It's ok if you don't know your exact direction in life, I'll tell you a secret, no one ever really figures it out or gets it right anyways. Maybe you should take some time off from school and work and support yourself for a while and see if that gives you any meaning or direction in life. Maybe you could take some liberal arts classes to see what sparks your interest. If the depression becomes overwhelming please don't hesitate to tell someone. There are counselors and med staff at college that can be very helpful with this kind of stuff. Best of luck to you.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by Tru_Butterfly

It's ok if you don't know your exact direction in life, I'll tell you a secret, no one ever really figures it out or gets it right anyways.

Much wisdom in this observation...

Originally Posted by rolan86

I have no idea what I want to do, and this is getting me incredibly down.

Yes, not knowing what you want to do -- or can do -- can send you into a tailspin. You have been successful in learning what you don't want; that is an achievement in itself. Many people don't learn such things about themselves until later. As much as you can, make seeking what you want to do a priority. Learning what you don't want is a part of that.

Please take care of yourself and keep posting.

[dg1983]

Rolan86, I've had a similar path as you. I am a musician too, and when I went to university as a music major I was so sure that it was my passion etc. The next semester I switched majors due to the loneliness and the competition. My parents didn't allow me to drop out altogether, so I chose anything that I could-psychology. It went pretty bad, I was just coasting. Then I became a hairdresser, another passion of mine. Anyways my point is, lots of people take time to find their passion or dream career. It takes time. Even your peers may seem so sure right now, but I'm sure a few will change careers at least once.
You are young-you do have the time to figure out what you like and what you don't. It is never too late to learn, it is usually just the fear that holds people back.
Also, a lot of my uncertainty about my path in life was mostly due to depression and anxiety. I hope that you have access to a counsellor at your school to help guide you.

[Tommy3]

I'm in a similar situation to you, not exactly but at least similar in some regards. I graduated from university in 2010 in Business Management. 2 years later and I haven't done much. I didn't really know what I wanted to do during the university course and currently still don't. I'm flirting with something in dietetics/nutrition and am starting the education required for that, but not sure how things will go. My CBT therapist recommended this homework for me (which I'm currently doing) and it may be of benefit to you (it's about the process involved to help determine the right career path):

Step 1: Write a list of possible career options based on interest.

Step 2: Write down the pro's and con's for each career option.

Step 3: Then rank the options (which are most attractive, which are the least attractive). When looking at the pro's and con's, to help you with the ranking, focus on those that are most meaningful to you.

Step 4: Find experience/volunteering in each career option you listed, so you're kind of ''tasting the menu'', seeing what they're like in practice and put more emphasis on the higher ranking options. It's all about finding out what's meaningful to you, not about performing.

I also recommend that you see this exercise not as a must do but instead as an opportunity to help you, even dipping slightly in and out can help. Generally speaking though, take it one step at a time, if you want to at all.

Hope that helps?

All the best.

Originally Posted by rolan86

I feel like a failure, I just turned 20, and feel like I haven't lived life to the fullest. I spend my days getting up at noon, and moping around the house till it's time to go to bed (I've been on summer break). I just don't know where my life is headed. I'm in college, but feel very depressed about this. I feel very regretful with myself for not having tried in high school, and getting excited about college when I should have been. I ended up going to my "safety school", and will remain there after a rejected transfer application to me "dream" school". At the time in high school, I simply did not care. I was depressed about being lonely and having no friends, so college was not in my mind. Now all I can think about is how I'll finish my college years at the state school I never wanted to go to to begin with. I don't even want to hear the word "college" anymore, as it just keeps getting me down. I have two more years in college, and then I have no idea what I'm doing now. I keep toying with the idea of grad school, so I can maybe go to a school like yale or princeton (just throwing names out there), but then again realize that I have no direction to begin with. Would I really be going to grad school for the right reason? Or just chasing a dead dream?

Most kids in college it seems have a career plan set out, or at least a passion. I really have none. I have NEVER been interested in getting a job, or having a career or making lots of money or any of that. I've always been a musician, and that has always been a passion. It was always fun having that dream as a kid knowing that maybe you'll one day be a famous musician. My family used to always say that, and it was delightful. But now, reality hits. If I were to go with music, I would have to stick with it. But reality of it is, I just don't want to. I feel like I'm obligated to some sense to stay with music, because I'd be denying myself of who I am, but on another hand, the whole rock star image, well, it just isn't me! I love school (despite my inferiority complex with my school), but just don't know what direction to go. I've been majoring in political science so far, just because I felt I needed SOME major. It hasn't ignited any passion on me. I just chose it because it was sort of interesting. Did I ever have any passion to be a senator? To be in local government? To campaign for local politicians? No way! NONE of that sounds appealing to me! This might just be me though, as all majors sound unappetizing to me with their given career paths. History- do I want to be a history professor? No. Political science- do I want to work in politics? No. English- do I want to be an english teacher? No. Business- do I want to be a businessman? No. Music- do I want to study advanced theory so I can write songs for commercials? No. Science- Do I want to work in a lab? (eh... maybe... I don't know...) I could go on and on... I have no idea what I want to do, and this is getting me incredibly down.

i'm currently where you are (in fact i can relate a lot to what you are feeling)

when i was a kid, i always wanted to be a computer technitian. computers are my life and how they work facinates me. however, as i got older, i found my mental health situation was getting worse and worse, so bad in fact that i couldn't focus on studdies at all. got to the point where i just wasn't coping, and i got kicked out of school (for reasons i won't go in to here)

anyway i tried several other sschools, and then colledges, each time failing miserably

i got kicked out of my latest colledge (again for stuff i won't talk about here) and right now, my days are exactly like yours.

no sleep, too anxious to venture beyond my front door, and spend my days like you, around the house, listening to music, watching tv, that kind of thing. most of the time not even keeping things clean (first to admit usually it's not even on my lists of things to do) i'm the only one who ever comes to my end of the house, so who cares if everything is filthy

where my life is going, i have no idea.

but if this keeps up, then i'm guessing no where

hugs to you

[Perna]

Given your place in life and difficulties; I would explore "self advocacy": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-advocacy

You could change your world by coming up with a plan to change yourself and help others in similar positions (see if you can figure out how to identify and form a group with other students who feel they don't know what they want yet) and try to get more/better school counselors to help students with similar problems, etc.