[DeadmanNK]

The thing is Im 20 and I've been depressed for 7 years without any helps, Im in a poor and rotten country that they just wont care or think that people like me - who have mental problems - are disgusting.

No matter how many things I confide in him, my ex wont understand and my first time felt like I was raped. Im not sure if it's really rape but my body acts as if it was raped.

Here I am at this point where I completely gave up my life, I dont care any more. I've tried my best to control myself because if I dont for just 2 seconds I'll be insane.

My moods and my personalities swing. Sometimes Im extremely happy, sometimes I try to harm myself and want to die but I cant because my parents love me too much.

I dont know my gender anymore, sometimes Im a man, sometimes a women and sometimes a cute girl, or a young and childish boy.

Everything about me is a contrast. I love everyone but I want to brutally kill each of them, I dont want to eat meat because I love animal but I want to slaughter them and eat raw meat.

I guess I've been talking too much, you know Im complicated.

I feel very lonely because no one understands me and they hate me, I feel like Im the only one against the world. If Im not careful I'll be killed.

Im looking for a true friend, it'd be good if you're asian because you'll understand asian culture more but it doesnt really matter if you're not.

Please send me a message if you're interested.

Thank you for reading this.

[alone in the world]

I am not asian but another confused soul, PM any time I am always up to starting new relationships especially with the younger generation, helps to understand my own adult children.

I don't know how much of a friend I can truely be but am willing to try and listen. Feel free to PM me any time. I'm glad you found PC. You'll find a lot of support here.

[ElisaB]

Not asian here either, but definetely understand what you're saying.
I empathize with everythng you're saying with minor exceptions. I don't love people, I hate them all and wish I didn't have to deal with them at all (years of being in the service industry really mess with your people skills, I guess). I want to die daily... still... even on meds. I do feel alone against the world, even though people are constantly telling me I'm not. So there you go... if you feel like chatting, PM me. Otherwise, I wish you the best

[DeadmanNK]

It's hard to believe there are people who would care about me.
thank you for all your kind replies.

[Rohag]

Originally Posted by DeadmanNK

...I've been depressed for 7 years without any helps, Im in a poor and rotten country that they just wont care or think that people like me - who have mental problems - are disgusting.

Being depressed and having problems is bad enough; living where people think you are "disgusting" for those problems adds a whole new layer of horrible.

Please keep posting, DeadmanNK. We'll treat what you have to say with care.

[optimize990h]

I understand how some ppl from Asian background puts a stigma on mental illness that is worse than most Western countries. u can post here at PC and chat if u wish. There are ppl who are not Asian, but have helped similar experiences and feelings here at PC, too. Welcome to PC DeadmanNK