pen pal, anyone?

The thing is Im 20 and I've been depressed for 7 years without any helps, Im in a poor and rotten country that they just wont care or think that people like me - who have mental problems - are disgusting.

No matter how many things I confide in him, my ex wont understand and my first time felt like I was raped. Im not sure if it's really rape but my body acts as if it was raped.

Here I am at this point where I completely gave up my life, I dont care any more. I've tried my best to control myself because if I dont for just 2 seconds I'll be insane.

My moods and my personalities swing. Sometimes Im extremely happy, sometimes I try to harm myself and want to die but I cant because my parents love me too much.

I dont know my gender anymore, sometimes Im a man, sometimes a women and sometimes a cute girl, or a young and childish boy.

Everything about me is a contrast. I love everyone but I want to brutally kill each of them, I dont want to eat meat because I love animal but I want to slaughter them and eat raw meat.

I guess I've been talking too much, you know Im complicated.

I feel very lonely because no one understands me and they hate me, I feel like Im the only one against the world. If Im not careful I'll be killed.

Im looking for a true friend, it'd be good if you're asian because you'll understand asian culture more but it doesnt really matter if you're not.

Please send me a message if you're interested.

Thank you for reading this.

I am not asian but another confused soul, PM any time I am always up to starting new relationships especially with the younger generation, helps to understand my own adult children.

I don't know how much of a friend I can truely be but am willing to try and listen. Feel free to PM me any time. I'm glad you found PC. You'll find a lot of support here.

Not asian here either, but definetely understand what you're saying.
I empathize with everythng you're saying with minor exceptions. I don't love people, I hate them all and wish I didn't have to deal with them at all (years of being in the service industry really mess with your people skills, I guess). I want to die daily... still... even on meds. I do feel alone against the world, even though people are constantly telling me I'm not. So there you go... if you feel like chatting, PM me. Otherwise, I wish you the best

It's hard to believe there are people who would care about me.
thank you for all your kind replies.

Being depressed and having problems is bad enough; living where people think you are "disgusting" for those problems adds a whole new layer of horrible.

Please keep posting, DeadmanNK. We'll treat what you have to say with care.

I understand how some ppl from Asian background puts a stigma on mental illness that is worse than most Western countries. u can post here at PC and chat if u wish. There are ppl who are not Asian, but have helped similar experiences and feelings here at PC, too. Welcome to PC DeadmanNK