[katieranger]

i got out of the hospital a week ago tomorrow for having a plan to kill myself. i was better, but the day i got out i started cutting for the first time in four months. my t made me throw away all my tools last night, and all today i have been feeling numb. not happy, sad, mad, nothing. all i know is that i am depressed and thinking badly again. i dont even know what to do.i have legit reasons for being depressed, being abused and practically abandoned by my dad, but idk i feel that they arent legitament reasons to be depressed and that im stupid and should just be happy. why am i so stupid.

[CloudyDay99]

Hi katieranger,

I'm sorry you are going through so much pain right now. You are not stupid. You have an illness you are trying to work through. It would be nice if we all had happiness switches we could just turn on. Life would be so much easier. With all you have gone through recently, maybe feeling a little numb for awhile will help you heal and find your equilibrium again. Maybe numbness is nature's way to allow a person to recharge when they have gone through an emotional overload. I'm glad you are working with a therapist on these issues and are participating in this site. You are not alone in your struggle and we are here for support.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. You are NOT STUPID!! In my book, you DO have legitimate reasons to be depressed! But like CloudyDay said, I think too that at times, our body makes us numb on purpose to give us time to heal -- to keep us from going overboard on emotions. Right now for you, I think numb is a good thing. So don't worry -- you won't be numb for long.

Not all of us can be happy all the time. And some of us can't be happy much of the time. Those of us who struggle with depression find it hard to be happy a good share of the time, and I'm SO GLAD you're under the care of a therapist. He can help you deal with the issues that are keeping you from feeling good. But feeling "stupid" should not even be IN this -- so throw that away my friend. You are my NO MEANS STUPID. Please don't think that ever again, ok? I don't know what makes you think that, but you are NOT. Please believe us.

I wish you ALL the best -- you're a good person, please remember that. You're deserving of all good things. So keep working with your therapist, and soon you'll be doing fine. I promise. God bless and please take care. Big hugs, Lee