[georgiagirl5]

Hello all,

I am new on here, but I just thought I would take a minute to reach out. I am a 35 year old female housewife. I have been dealing with depression all my life but it is so bad now I just don't know what to do anymore.

I had been taking Paxil for a while for my depression (several years, 20mg) and my husband and I wanted to try to have a baby recently. My doctor took me off it in two weeks, causing problems so bad I cannot even tell you. Physical and emotional. Suicidal feelings. The worst ever. I found a new doctor who put me back on it two weeks ago so that I could taper it correctly as I had gotten so suicidal I could not be off it anymore. My new doc tells me this was because the Paxil was taken off to quick--rebound effect not necessarily that I am suicidal without it. So, now the suicidal thoughts have stopped. But I am in the bleakest depression of my life. Daily life seems hard. I don't work I volunteer and it is nearly impossible to get out of bed. I am seeing a therapist and working CBT techniques but I don't know what is happening. I have never been this bad in my life.

It is exhausting living life like this especially when I have so much to be grateful for. I don't have to work, great husband, home, family, etc.

I feel no one understands this anymore. It has been going on for so long now, I just feel it will never break.

Anyone else been through this? Any timeline on how long it took when medication was re instated? Any help?

Thanks in advance.

Sincerely,
Ali

[tokiwartooth]

I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I'm not married and I work, but I can sympathize with how you feel. I have been feeling extremely bad now for a few months. I've been depressed for as long as I can remember, but for me it seems to come in cycles. I was where you are right now when I was in high school. My doctor tried to take me off of Buspar all at once and I had the same reaction you did to being yanked off of Paxil. I took Paxil for quite awhile and eventually I reached the max dose and had to switch meds. That is a huge problem for me because it happens with every med I take except for one, clomipramine, which is an old tricyclic used for depression and OCD. I have taken it now for 10 years and it still retains its effectiveness, but I use it for OCD more than I do depression. When I start back on a med, it usually takes a few days, sometimes a week, to feel the results again. When I am at home on the weekends, I find it hard to get out of bed as well, I just want to sleep and have everything else leave me alone. But for me, I can't escape it in my sleep anymore either, that stuff has found its way into my dreams. I wake up crying a lot. I have to force myself to get out of bed. Sometimes I'll just watch good TV programs all day, other times, if I really push myself, I'll go out and do something, like get a cup of coffee somewhere. I am in love with someone I can't have, so I try to refrain from going to see him, and that is a major part of my depression right now. I wish I was married like you. I would love someone to love me like that. But I understand, I have a great family as well, a good job, a nice apartment, a kitty that I love, and still it doesn't go away. I try to listen to upbeat music, and sometimes that really does help me feel a little better. I am surprised how effective it is sometimes. Other times I go on youtube and watch funny videos. I am a huge Monty Python and Whose Line is it Anyway? fan, so I try to watch those because I enjoy them. Or I eat a food that I love, so long as it's not too bad for me (I have a HUGE sweet tooth). Or if it's really bad for me, I eat a small amount. I used to drown my sorrows in drinking, but I don't do that anymore. I text my best friend, because she's as weird as me and we always find stuff to laugh about. I play with my cat because he's a total spaz and he's funny to watch. I'm probably not any help, but I can hope that I helped a little.

[Kate9843123]

Hey Ali.
I get how it feels to feel guilty about being sad when you have a good life...but its not helping you. you are hurting from an illness and its not your fault and you didnt ask for it, so dont feel badly talking about it because it is the only way to heal. Give the medicine some time to kick back into gear. it will happen, your other doctor shouldnt have pulled you off so quickly, but give it a little bit sometimes it takes a few weeks. try little things though...talking even if its on here...going for a 10min walk each day, getting to your volunteer job...it all helps. feel better...PM me if you need to talk or anything. <3

[Dan12345]

Hey Ali hoping your moods improve soon, give it a few weeks and you will feel the benefits. Up until then just set small goals and keep progressing. You have us all here if you need us. I love the people on here like a huge family. Keep us posted. Trust me I've been where you are the meds will help soon :-).

[georgiagirl5]

Hi All, such sweet replies. I am glad I have found some allies in fighting this. I am going to volunteer tomorrow--it helps. I hope so bad to feel better soon. I have been dealing with this my entire life, but I am not sure I have ever been in such a "wave" of depression. I just don't remember it being this bad before, it may have, but I just don't remember. I am actually thinking about going back to my old doctor even though he did me wrong with Paxil. My current doctor is not really sympathetic to this condition, thinks the depression is caused by vitamin etc imbalance. He has me so loaded up with supplements but they are just not helping. I think I need someone a little more sympathetic to this. I am hanging in there, glad I found this site with some others who can relate to what I am going through. Thank you.