[someguy83]

Ive never been in a serious relationship with a girl in my life and I feel like I never will because I will never be good enough for a gf. I feel like I will never make her happy. I feel like if I did marry someone she would not love me and I wouldn't be able to give her what he wanted.

I've been feeling like this for a long time now but It's not that I don't want love in fact I want to fall in love and be loved by someone more than anything.

I'm constantly tortured by a sense of failure.When I'm feeling in a darker place, my perception is that everything sucks and even though I've done this, it seems I should have done more. Trying to stay grateful helps.

The desire to feel like i am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself, but it helps In a perfect world I would overcome the sense that I suck constantly.

Well I am 29 year-old male who, due to many factors, has been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex. Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my 20s due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems).
I've managed to turn things around a bit and can talk to anyone. I am a different person now I just had to look at this way no one cares.

To further complicate matters, I never had a real gf b4 but have had sex with a girl I was dating for almost a year but it did not work out.

Anyway I decided to go back to college a 2nd time .My job is OK but it a dead end job and it is nothing I am passion at about doing forever. Retail sucks and I do not like it at all so it was time to do something new. Working night crew for the rest of my life is no fun and there no wear to go in retail.My job just does not pay well like $18 an hour will not feed a family even working full time.

I am working toward becoming a physical therapy assistant or get my bachelor's degree in nursing.

I want to start a family some day and do all the stuff i never got to do. I want to spent more time with my kids then work all the time. I want to give them the opportunity to play sports if they want to it is up to them. I be there to help them if they need help with there home work of just hang out with my kids. I want to go on family vacations and go on short tips together. Also just do things as an family and spent all the time we can together.

I just want my future wife and kids to be proud of me and if I am not good at what I do or try my hardest I feel like a loser.

I have to make it so i can meet a girl and feel like i have some thing to offer . Right now i do not have much to offer a girl . I want a wife and kids but if i fail I do not deserve to be loved.

[turquoisesea]

one vital thing, with depression in general... is to realize that self worth comes from within, and not from other peoples judgement of you.

Deserving to be loved isn't defined by who loves you, it's about who you are... why do you think you are so unworthy?

[awebb198488]

It sounds like you have a good grasp about what it means to be a good partner and father based on the things you said. What has you so convinced you aren't worthy of love? I know I struggle with this one too and I am working on it in my therapy. I totally agree with what turquoise said. Worth comes from within. This is a lesson I am still learning.

[someguy83]

Originally Posted by turquoisesea

one vital thing, with depression in general... is to realize that self worth comes from within, and not from other peoples judgement of you.

Deserving to be loved isn't defined by who loves you, it's about who you are... why do you think you are so unworthy?

I just kind of think of myself and think "who would want this?" And really anyone who either has a false perception of me who I'll disappoint in the end or sees me as I am and has standards that low, making me maybe not want her in return. I mean I wouldn't want me, why would anyone else?

It makes it that much worse when I see people around me getting married, having kids, seeming incredibly happy and content with their lives...and I just feel completely stuck and worthless.

I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. I don't think I've achieved my potential because I haven't worked that hard and I haven't found the right angles.

I do not have much to offer a woman yea i have a job but i do not make any money . I am trying to make new friends but it is hard to do. Getting college done will help a ton so i can get a real job that i like and not feel like a loser.

Right now i just feel like i do not deserve love seeing that I have do nothing worth wild and do not have a great job. the sad thing is i could go out there and ask a girl out or there might be a girl that likes me but i will just push her away cuz I have to get college done.

once i am successful then I will deserve to be loved .

[awebb198488]

Originally Posted by someguy83

I just kind of think of myself and think "who would want this?" And really anyone who either has a false perception of me who I'll disappoint in the end or sees me as I am and has standards that low, making me maybe not want her in return. I mean I wouldn't want me, why would anyone else?

It makes it that much worse when I see people around me getting married, having kids, seeming incredibly happy and content with their lives...and I just feel completely stuck and worthless.

I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. I don't think I've achieved my potential because I haven't worked that hard and I haven't found the right angles.

I do not have much to offer a woman yea i have a job but i do not make any money . I am trying to make new friends but it is hard to do. Getting college done will help a ton so i can get a real job that i like and not feel like a loser.

Right now i just feel like i do not deserve love seeing that I have do nothing worth wild and do not have a great job. the sad thing is i could go out there and ask a girl out or there might be a girl that likes me but i will just push her away cuz I have to get college done.

once i am successful then I will deserve to be loved .

My feeling is that you already deserve to be loved. Good luck on your college studies. The right one is out there.

[LadyShadow]

Originally Posted by someguy83

I just kind of think of myself and think "who would want this?" And really anyone who either has a false perception of me who I'll disappoint in the end or sees me as I am and has standards that low, making me maybe not want her in return. I mean I wouldn't want me, why would anyone else?

It makes it that much worse when I see people around me getting married, having kids, seeming incredibly happy and content with their lives...and I just feel completely stuck and worthless.

I feel like I've failed in terms of what my potential is. I don't think I've achieved my potential because I haven't worked that hard and I haven't found the right angles.

I do not have much to offer a woman yea i have a job but i do not make any money . I am trying to make new friends but it is hard to do. Getting college done will help a ton so i can get a real job that i like and not feel like a loser.

Right now i just feel like i do not deserve love seeing that I have do nothing worth wild and do not have a great job. the sad thing is i could go out there and ask a girl out or there might be a girl that likes me but i will just push her away cuz I have to get college done.

once i am successful then I will deserve to be loved .

"Once I am more successful I will deserve to be loved."

That's your problem right there. You sound like a wonderful person and deserves to be loved now.

I have the same exact issue with my weight. "Once I am skinny, I will deserve to be loved. Once I am skinny I will go out with friends because I can wear nice sexy clothes. Once I am skinny I will get a job." This can go on forever.

What I had to do was accept the present moment and the present situation. The weight will come off in time but I am not going to spend my life waiting for something I want to happen to me. Once I accepted myself (I still haven't fully, I have a lot to work on), doors started opening for me that I never thought possible. I currently have a wonderful boyfriend and a wonderful job both of which I would never have gotten if I was waiting to be skinny.

So what I am saying is, don't wait. Life is too short a time to go wasting it by waiting. Do today. Not tomorrow.

[turquoisesea]

I agree with the others:

"Once I am more successful I will deserve to be loved."
Love doesn't come from success - it may feel like you have more to give when you are successful, but it's not what makes YOU you.

""who would want this?" And really anyone who either has a false perception of me who I'll disappoint in the end or sees me as I am and has standards that low, making me maybe not want her in return. I mean I wouldn't want me, why would anyone else?"

maybe there are things you're not seeing in yourself. Maybe there are things in you that are likeable, that you just need to allow to grow! What do you want to see in yourself? (not a job, not that kind of thing - but what do you want to be LIKE?) work towards that, and try to treat people the way you'd like to be treated. And in that effort alone I'd say there is something worth loving.

There are people I have loved who do not have great jobs - a job does not define who you are. I know that's not easy, and I've fallen into that trap before - but I do think perception of yourself needs to change, and you'll realize you're not alone.

also, I really get where you're coming from with "everyone else" getting married etc - but there are many more just like you. And not every marriage is a happy one so try to judge by where YOU'RE at rather than where others are.

*sending some hugs*