[kharmarulz]

I 've been battling depression for many years. I fell into what I call the black hole again about a year ago when I found out three of the closet people in my life were abusing prescription drugs. I've survived 3 major encounters with depression and this black lifeless hole that swallows your soul I'm not sure how I managed to climb out back then but I did and for a little while things were ok . This time seems different somehow I ended up being sent to a day program that helped a little I refuse to take meds the thought of putting pills in my mouth repulses me . especially since my loved ones addictions are what sent me to the bottom of this pit again. I manage to go to work most days but find no joy or happiness in anything anymore I'm already dead inside.

[awebb198488]

Were all here to listen. I guess I don't have much to say that would make you feel better. Feel free to PM me anytime you need someone to talk to.

[kharmarulz]

[quote=awebb198488;2764730]Were all here to listen. I guess I don't have much to say that would make you feel better. Feel free to PM me anytime you need someone to talk to.[/qu Thanks Awebb I Thought sharing may help at least take my thoughts off of things for a minute

[Sam2]

Originally Posted by kharmarulz

I 've been battling depression for many years. I fell into what I call the black hole again about a year ago when I found out three of the closet people in my life were abusing prescription drugs. I've survived 3 major encounters with depression and this black lifeless hole that swallows your soul I'm not sure how I managed to climb out back then but I did and for a little while things were ok . This time seems different somehow I ended up being sent to a day program that helped a little I refuse to take meds the thought of putting pills in my mouth repulses me . especially since my loved ones addictions are what sent me to the bottom of this pit again. I manage to go to work most days but find no joy or happiness in anything anymore I'm already dead inside.

Boy does that sound familiar. Mine started three decades ago with short breaks in between. After a while, you start to fear the coming of day. Every step takes so much energy that you feel like a walking zombie. By the end of the day, all you want to do is shut the world out.

I lost a good friend to drugs a year and a half ago, so i know the damage drugs leave behind. I can understand why you would be wary of using any. I think people are over medicated these days as it is. GPs are perscribing anti-depressants, drugs that were once only perscribed by psychiatrists. The drugs are newer now, but they aren't cure alls and not everyone on them needs them. Only someone with training in that area should make that determination. I can't take them period. They floor me. Even the new ones.

When I was eighteen, I used to run a dojo, (karate school), for the owner. I remember one summer afternoon when the place was empty, sitting behind the counter and looking at my reflection across the room in a wall mirror and thinking, I'm looking at a dead man.

I don't know how you feel about animals, but sometimes a personal dog or cat that you form a bond with can keep you getting up in the morning. They need you, but at the same time will love you unconditionally. They force you to come out from inside yourself, and even if its only a little, its a start. I know its hard to keep climbing out of that hole, almost making it to the top only to feel the earth give under you and slide back down into the dark. Its a lifetime struggle for many of us, but know that you are not alone in your darkness.

Sam2

[kharmarulz]

Thanks Sam2 I've learned over the yrs it does help to talk about it sometimes and while i'm not at all happy you have experienced something similar it is good to know we are not alone. I do have two dogs (beagles) they do make me smile and are the best therapy.
thanks again for replying to my post I need all support I can get. hopefully I can share something that may help you as well.